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assaulted

Charlotte_ACharlotte_A Posts: 4 Newbie
in Sex & Relationships
I was sexually assaulted be another student who goes to the same university.

I kept saying no I didnt want to and I fought as much as I could. he forced me to do things to him and he got on top of me when I wouldn't let him do anything to me and wouldn't get off until he finished. 

Hes still at that same university and he told me that no one would believe me because (I went round to watch a movie because we hadn't seen one another in a while and we got on really well in class) I went round to his willingly...

Comments

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    I am so sorry this happened to you:( 

    no matter weather you went round to his house willingly or even friends with him- it is not your fault, you agreed to go round his , not for him to take control of your body. You said no & he should of respected that. People will believe you. I believe you. Because It doesnt matter if you got on well. Its not okay. And its disgusting for him to say no one will beleive you and hes just trying to make you keep quiet and make you feel at blame. You are not. 

    Do you have anyone you think you could confide in- any friends or family you could trust?

     Do what you feel comfortable with-  if that means completely avoiding him when hes at uni. And take good care of yourself & seek support and extra support if thats what you feel you need. 
    X
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Candlestick56Candlestick56 Posts: 90 Budding Regular
    Hi @Charlotte_A,

    Are you ok?? Do you have someone you can talk to about what happened?..

    As Shaunie says it doesn't matter whether you went round willingly or not. It is never ok for someone to force you to do anything you haven't consented to! It is against the law.

    Do you want to talk to someone at the Mix? You can always call them on 0808 808 4994. The team are good at giving advice for this sort of thing.

    If you're not ready to talk to someone in person though, there are some good links to other support at the bottom of this page: https://www.themix.org.uk/crime-and-safety/victims-of-crime/was-it-sexual-assault-9145.html. I would say chose whichever one makes you feel most comfortable.

    I hope you;re ok.
  • Charlotte_ACharlotte_A Posts: 4 Newbie
    @Shaunie I have a friend I could talk to and I trust her- but I did go round to his and I haven't said anything till now, a month later.. is it not bad that I didnt tell someone straight away?

    Thank you 


  • Charlotte_ACharlotte_A Posts: 4 Newbie
    @Candlestick56 I have no one, I feel like im just as to blame as he is because I didnt tell anyone after.. Thank you for that number! and thankyou for that link. I dont know if I can talk about it just because every time I think about him, I get all clammy and struggle to speak..
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,493 Skive's The Limit
    Charlotte_A said:
    @Shaunie I have a friend I could talk to and I trust her- but I did go round to his and I haven't said anything till now, a month later.. is it not bad that I didnt tell someone straight away?

    Thank you 



    Its not bad. At all. People understand that it can be a hard thing to open up about this straight away and not uncommon for people to open up about it after awhile. & a month isnt that long.  You cant blame your self in anyway - not even for not teling anyone. The blame completly lies with him.
     Im glad you feel you have someone you can talk to if felt the need 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Shaunie said:
    no matter weather you went round to his house willingly or even friends with him- it is not your fault, you agreed to go round his , not for him to take control of your body. You said no & he should of respected that. People will believe you. I believe you. Because It doesnt matter if you got on well. Its not okay. And its disgusting for him to say no one will beleive you and hes just trying to make you keep quiet and make you feel at blame. You are not. 
    @Shaunie has totally hit the nail on the head there. So sorry to hear this has happened to you. I have been through a similar thing. I know exactly why you are blaming yourself but I promise you it is not your fault. & I believe you too.

    I would really recommend reaching out and see if you can talk to a uni counsellor if you've got one? That was the only thing that helped me as I was initially too embarrassed (and genuinely believed it was my fault) to tell anyone I knew. 

    Stay strong, we're here for you if you need. <3 

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • Charlotte_ACharlotte_A Posts: 4 Newbie
    Thank you @Lucy307
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