Post of the Month - May

Hey ShatterSecrets,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Whenever something like this happens, it makes us feel awful. But, this wasn't your fault - if it was completely your choice, you wouldn't self-harm or choose to be a victim of sexual assault. These events may have knocked you down, but you need to get up and keep fighting for your happiness - don't let these setbacks stop you from going forward. I know that the waiting list can be painfully long, and it can feel lonely sometimes, but we're here for you to support you. Please, keep fighting - we're with you every step of the way!x

Much love

Abi, I am so sad for your loss. The shock and numbness that you must be feeling can be so unbearable during periods when you feel overwhelmed by emotion and sadness, sweeping over you like waves. Over the years since I was six, I have been through similar bereavements when family members passed away, but you may be helped by knowing that these feelings you have and will be experiencing are actually quite normal. These feelings can vary from day to day, and during this time you may want to think about finding a place where you feel safe and private so that if you want to cry, you are able to without feeling that others are listening. This may be under the pillow or at the bottom of the garden or just wherever is right for you. If you are unable to cry, don’t think you are abnormal because we are all different in the way we react. You could try other ways of expressing your emotions, and you may find such things as a well loved walk or sitting quietly in a peaceful place may offer you something which you cannot get anywhere else at this time.

You may even have feelings of anger and hopelessness which come upon you like it did me, leaving us feeling drained and ghastly so it is quite normal to binge eat or have that way of coping in hurting yourself because I have been exactly there during the process of my own grief. Is there someone in your family who could talk to you about about happy memories from the past and recalling family occasions, because fond memories can be kept alive in one's heart no matter how broken, happy memories are healing as they are comforting. I would like you to think that there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. We are all different, and we all have past experiences that will make us react in our own special way.

Things, however, will never be the same again and learning to live a different life will take time and patience as you come to terms with your loss. I want you to look out for yourself, Abi. Try and look after yourself, eat regular meals and have a breath of fresh air every day if you can. Follow your feelings, don't stifle them - if you feel sad and need a cry, find a safe place to do so because it may release some of your emotions. If you feel angry then find a place to release your anger safely. Perhaps a brisk walk, some gardening or other exercise might help?

You may find The Compassionate Friends helpful: https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/in-your-area/ This is a nationwide self-help organisation of parents whose child, of any age, including adult, has died from any cause. There is personal and group support, also a quarterly newsletter, postal library and a range of leaflets as shown here: https://www.tcf.org.uk/content/support-resources/

The Compassionate Friends are a befriending organisation, but don't do counselling. For this, CRUSE Bereavement Care could be useful.

If there is anything else I can help you with, please pm me. Okay? 

Hugs,

- Mandy

Hi Ricochet,

It sounds like you're going through an incredibly rough time, and it's really good that you've reached out - it takes a lot of courage to do.

Whatever you might think now, you *are* an important person, and what you are going through does matter. It might not feel this way, but things can change and get better for you in the future. Often, feelings like this become overwhelming to the point where you don't see any way out, but many people do manage to move past suicidal feelings and live fulfilling lives. The fact that you've posted here shows you can start taking steps to help yourself, and reaching out is such an important part of that. You don't have to go through this alone, there are people here to listen to what you have to say and give support.

It sounds from what you've said that loneliness and feeling shut out by people is a huge part of the issue - are there any clubs or societies you could join to find like-minded people, or perhaps people who have experienced similar things to you in life?

Also, I would recommend talking to a doctor about all of this - I know you don't need an official diagnosis to know how you feel, but talking to a doctor and potentially getting a diagnosis if necessary could give you the chance to get long-term support such as counselling or CBT. It is also the chance to talk to someone in person who won't dismiss what you're going through, and will give you the concern and hopefully the care you deserve. If you can, it could also be good to talk to your parents about the things you haven't, to give them a better understanding of what you're going through.

For now, Mind has a really helpful page on suicidal feelings: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-.../#.WudVmojwY2w


Let us know how things go for you,
Take care,

butternutcookies.

Heya
Sorry to hear about what happened. . Its really nice you had someone so supportiv with you!. I understand the fear of eating round others & i also hate it & will do anything to never eat round others & i have anorexia. 
 
 Do you mind sharing what the comment they made was?
Why does eating in public make you feel self consious? Is it fearing something will happen; embarrassed about what youre eating, eating too much or too little, spilling food, eating too fast ect and being judged for it? The small amount of times i have eaten out -i just think of the worst case situation happening, then thinking of how id handle it & how like spilling something isnt a major thing. & i think about how others are also too self absorbed to care about what im eating. And i try to rationalise the thoughts. Obviously harder said than done tho. I think you managed today, the best you could at the time though? & never easy when feel unconfortable
 
Ive also found it pretty helpful to focus on how the food tastes & be mindful which can be a great distraction from anxiety. And i mean there are ways to try to manage anxiety but not nessacerliy the solution if the cause is quite deep. And something to try to seek professional help for if its all getting too much or to keep reaching out to someone else & talk about it?
 
All the best