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How do you deal with uncomfortable situations with friends?

peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 126 The Mix convert
Hey everyone :)

Recently, one person in my friendship group has been making really inappropriate comments and doing some questionable things that have been making both the rest of my friends and I really uncomfortable, and a little scared. He has not realised that the comments he has made, in particular, are not okay, or (to be blunt) very creepy. We have dealt with the issue by telling him how this is making us feel, and he has agreed to stick with his other friends until we all feel more at ease.

I'm interested in hearing back what would the rest of you have done!

Comments

  • ShaunieShaunie EnglandPosts: 1,594 Postholic
    Hey peachysoo!
    I would of dealt with it similar. Did deal with similar situation where felt a friend was being a lil creepy towards me, so told him - to see if he would take on how i felt and stop but few weeks later he was still being a lil creepy so distanced myself from him completly, But is hard when in a group of people. maybe he will take on how you feel and when you feel more at ease and he comes back to your group of friend he will realise the comments he has been saying are inappropriate. Cause isnt right or nice if makes you uncomfortable and a little scared.

    Take care!
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us face, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.” ~ Marvin J Ashton
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    My aunty Fiona taught me to assert myself, this depending on the circumstances I was in. I have no problem asking a guy to leave off. First, I would be polite about it, but if my politeness fell on deaf ears then I would put an edge in my voice. If that was ignored, then boxed ears would invariably solve the problem.

    However, what has creeped me out was being stalked on social media. Worse, reading iffy remarks and worse still by someone without a picture. Not knowing or seing who it is, being stalked is the worst feeling ever. In my Facebook and Twitter days I had plenty of unwelcome remarks and the only way of stopping that nonsense was protecting my social media, locking it down private or deleting the accounts. Because the hassle is simply not worth it.
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • DreaDrea Posts: 292 Cool Newbie
    Hey peachysoo,

    I think like you've done, it is always best to let the person know how you feel. Especially when someone continuously does something you're not happy with, the only way they will know to stop is by actually being told since they can't really read minds! And from then on you can discuss ways to overcome the issue. I say this all the time but communication in most cases really is key!

    Drea:heart:
  • Tee ATee A Posts: 22 Two little ducks
    Hey peachysoo!

    ​That's a tricky situation :chin:

    ​This would involve losing a friend that I cared about but I probably would have done the same thing as you. Voicing your thoughts and feelings are the only thing you can do in these kinds of situations. I would like to think that the other person valued our friendship enough to see how they were making me feel. However, you cannot force people to change for your own benefit.

    ​Interesting question.

    -Tee A:wave:
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hi @peachysoo,

    I think I would have reacted the same way as you did.
    I agree with Drea and I do believe that most times communication is the key, too. When something annoys us, it's right and sane to let the other person know. It is useful for both, as it helps you express your feelings and as it offers the possibility to save the relationship.
    If your friend was saying something creepy it was good of yours to let him know, as you gave him the possibility to reconsider his behavior and you also gave him a justification for the your and your friends' reaction towards his creepy comments.

    Maybe you could try have a new conversation with him in a while, in order to understand the reason behind it and in order to understand whether he wants to do something about It to keep on having a close relationship with you and your group of friends.

    Let us know,

    - Fran
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 126 The Mix convert
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Hey peachysoo!
    I would of dealt with it similar. Did deal with similar situation where felt a friend was being a lil creepy towards me, so told him - to see if he would take on how i felt and stop but few weeks later he was still being a lil creepy so distanced myself from him completly, But is hard when in a group of people. maybe he will take on how you feel and when you feel more at ease and he comes back to your group of friend he will realise the comments he has been saying are inappropriate. Cause isnt right or nice if makes you uncomfortable and a little scared.

    Take care!
    Hey Shaunie!
    It's quite comforting to know that I'm not alone with my actions, and it's definitely hard when it's a group of people, because not everyone may feel the same! But I agree, I think it is just as important to take into account your own feelings and rights as it is to others; you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable and scared just to avoid confrontation.
    Thank you for your response!
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 126 The Mix convert
    Mirabelle wrote: »
    My aunty Fiona taught me to assert myself, this depending on the circumstances I was in. I have no problem asking a guy to leave off. First, I would be polite about it, but if my politeness fell on deaf ears then I would put an edge in my voice. If that was ignored, then boxed ears would invariably solve the problem. When out, I always act straight unless walking the prom holding hands with Jules, but mostly when in social gatherings when she is with me, thankfully neither of us get bothered.

    However, what has creeped me out was being stalked on social media. Worse, reading iffy remarks and worse still by someone without a picture. Not knowing or seing who it is, being stalked is the worst feeling ever. In my Facebook and Twitter days I had plenty of unwelcome remarks and the only way of stopping that nonsense was protecting my social media, locking it down private or deleting the accounts. Because the hassle is simply not worth it.
    Hi Mirabelle!
    I think it's really great your aunt taught you to assert yourself; I've personally always struggled with being too passive most my life since I've not been taught otherwise. It is really a scary and unsettling feeling being stalked (for obvious reasons!!), let alone not knowing who by! I'm glad to hear you've dealt with the horrible comments and such so well; social media really can be detrimental to our wellbeing, sometimes.
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 126 The Mix convert
    Drea wrote: »
    Hey peachysoo,

    I think like you've done, it is always best to let the person know how you feel. Especially when someone continuously does something you're not happy with, the only way they will know to stop is by actually being told since they can't really read minds! And from then on you can discuss ways to overcome the issue. I say this all the time but communication in most cases really is key!

    Drea:heart:
    Hey Drea :)

    I agree completely - communication is so very important! It can be quite easy to forget sometimes that humans are not mind readers, so it can get quite frustrating when people don't seem to understand how we are feeling when we don't say anything.
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 126 The Mix convert
    Tee A wrote: »
    Hey peachysoo!

    ​That's a tricky situation :chin:

    ​This would involve losing a friend that I cared about but I probably would have done the same thing as you. Voicing your thoughts and feelings are the only thing you can do in these kinds of situations. I would like to think that the other person valued our friendship enough to see how they were making me feel. However, you cannot force people to change for your own benefit.

    ​Interesting question.

    -Tee A:wave:
    Hey Tee A!
    I completely agree. While it is very important to let the other person know how you are feeling, you can't force them to change for your benefit; the most you can do in this sort of situation is distance yourselves. I think this is where knowing where your rights, and their rights, begin and end, because they're equally as important!
    -peachysoo
  • peachysoopeachysoo Posts: 126 The Mix convert
    Fran wrote: »
    Hi @peachysoo,

    I think I would have reacted the same way as you did.
    I agree with Drea and I do believe that most times communication is the key, too. When something annoys us, it's right and sane to let the other person know. It is useful for both, as it helps you express your feelings and as it offers the possibility to save the relationship.
    If your friend was saying something creepy it was good of yours to let him know, as you gave him the possibility to reconsider his behavior and you also gave him a justification for the your and your friends' reaction towards his creepy comments.

    Maybe you could try have a new conversation with him in a while, in order to understand the reason behind it and in order to understand whether he wants to do something about It to keep on having a close relationship with you and your group of friends.

    Let us know,

    - Fran
    Hi Fran!

    Completely agree with your advice. Communication is very important, and sometimes spending some time away before communicating again is necessary for the communication to be effective.

    -peachysoo
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    peachysoo wrote: »
    Hi Mirabelle!
    I think it's really great your aunt taught you to assert yourself; I've personally always struggled with being too passive most my life since I've not been taught otherwise. It is really a scary and unsettling feeling being stalked (for obvious reasons!!), let alone not knowing who by! I'm glad to hear you've dealt with the horrible comments and such so well; social media really can be detrimental to our wellbeing, sometimes.
    -peachysoo

    Hi @peachysoo thank you for saying that.

    Well, I've since stopped doing social media, deleting all my accounts and you know what? It felt quite an achievement. This way, I not only grab back control on how others tried to use me, but rid of Facebook meant my family and I get far less hassle. Our band has its own website, but it's protected so those unwelcome such as band stalkers because can't read our content. Again, this is taking back control of our lives in a positive manner. We are glad we made the right decision.

    Since being taught by aunty to assert myself, she steered me into becoming more gentle. She said the positive side is my being direct but caring, being honest and accepting. I always was self-effacing, at least offstage well away from 'the face' I put on during my concerts. Nowadays I find myself more willing to listen and being congenial. Taking responsibility this way is healthy and bless her, my sister said how much she likes the way I am becoming. One way of doing this was ceasing to hang out with people who were not gentle in nature. Quite the opposite, the guys I knew in Majorca were aggressive, pushy, domineering, loud - especially loud - and self-involved. Selfish to the core, they only cared about getting their own point of view heard. These people are best avoided like a nest of wasps. That reminds me, perhaps next Christmas I should send them a box of slugs. But not putting my name on the box, mind. ;)

    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
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