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Mental health and struggling in UNI

Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
Hello there,

so i'm a first year uni student and am strugling at the moment with even wanting to stay in uni!- i feel so anxious and down to want to do anything etc... I've always felt a bit sideline on uni and the fact that im feeling like this and you have to pay doesn't help which is why i'm like I might as well quit. But i'm scared if i quit i wont be doing anything. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for 4 years now and im getting rather hopeless to be honest.

quickly said, I looged online enqiory as call it and they replied back saying I should speak to mentor assigned but I don't get along with her so scared to mention it. She's given me a few drop in wi th the wellbeing team but im scared to go.

These feelings have been there for while, but feel like it' constatnly dismissed when said.
ANyone got any advice what to do?
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Comments

  • NikkiNikki Posts: 131 Two little ducks
    Hi Invisible_me,
    Firstly, well done for going to university - it is an achievement in itself! It is completely understandable to be anxious and have missed emotions during your first year, especially in a new environment trying to make friends, build a support network, and academic pressure, so you are definitely not alone!
    However, you say have been feeling this way for four years and feel like it has been constantly dismissed - did you see your GP throughout that time? It woue be the next best step as they would be able to advise on further support. It is brave that you have acknowledged that you need some help, and I would suggest that you follow up with the wellbeing team to see what they can offer. How does that sound?
    In the meantime, try to look after yourself, mentally and physically by making sure to eat and sleep well. Also maybe pick up a new hobby and join a society, or make plans to visit home and old friends.

    We have a plenty of information on getting through university which can be read here:
    http://www.themix.org.uk/work-and-study/student-life

    Here are key articles for you:
    http://www.themix.org.uk/mental-heal...sion-5617.html
    http://www.themix.org.uk/work-and-st...ity-25015.html
    http://www.themix.org.uk/work-and-st...sity-2254.html

    There is also a helpline for students called Nightline. Link here: https://www.nightline.ac.uk/want-to-talk/

    Please don’t give up, we have faith in you to keep going! It will be worth it.

    Take care,
    Nikki
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hello Nikki.

    Thank you for your reply.

    I shall take a look at your articles that you sent me.

    So after a lot of worry I guess Is the word. I submitted an 'online enquiry' saying I'm struggling with my mental health and thinking of you quiting" they have replied back and sent me the registration form link to talk to the mental health advisors. However o haven't yet sent it I'm struggling to find the words and second doubting as to whether I really should fill it in. Im not quite sure I want to.

    Nikki to answer your question I have been under NHS services but it hasn't been much use lately. The GP is aware of my case and sees Me once a year as per her.

    I'll try my best.

    Invisible me
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 215 The Mix convert
    Hi Invisible_me,

    Sorry to hear what you're going through. Many universities have a counselling service team on hand, so perhaps that would be a good place to go!x

    In terms of what happens if you leave university, there are firms that offer jobs to school leavers and allow you to work and study for a qualification at the same time, if that's something that would interest you. You can study a course and not have to worry about funding it - the firm will usually pay for it, or pay you to cover it!x

    Much love <3
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hello there

    Thanks for your reply Azziman.

    I've just registered a referal form to the university wellbeing team. See what happens?

    I know if I was to leave uni, there are apprenticehips available but I'm not sure where to find things. I am interested in working with children. Quite fun actually!
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hello all,

    I've got a 'counselling session' on Friday and so scared! I'm not even quite sure why I requested now??
  • RileyRiley Posts: 140 Moderator
    Hey there Invisible_me.

    First of all well done on setting up a counselling session, though it's definitely understandable that you're feeling so scared about it. Lots of people tend to get worried when it comes to more official meetings like that. Hopefully you find the courage to see it through as it could be very helpful for you to have someone you can talk to about what you're dealing with and they might be able to offer you some different options for the future. I hope it works out okay for you. Be sure to let us know how it all goes or if you need any more information, we're always here to help.

    - Riley
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey @Invisible_me :wave:
    Thank you for sharing your experience!! Starting university can be really hard, as it implies changing lifestyle, habits and facing new challenges. First of all, remember that you are not alone in this, because your mates could be experiencing the same feelings as you, even if it doesn't seem like that from an external point of view.
    How about your counseling appointment on Friday? Did it help you? Did you feel comfortable with that?
    If you have doubts about going on with university, maybe you could write down the reasons why it is important to you to keep on studying, in order to better understand whether you like what you are studying or you like the idea of going on studying at all. If you realize that you'd better start working because university is not what's best for you right now, don't worry as there's nothing wrong with that! Do you already have a LinkedIn profile? There you can find some posts about job offers of different types and maybe you could find something about children :)
    Hope your appointment went well and looking forward to knowing more about that,

    -Fran
  • Hey! Thanks so much for posting.

    ​Starting university can be a really daunting process as there is so much to come to terms with, especially in the first year.
    It's completely okay to have doubts and concerns about the future, and please don't feel as if you need to come to a final decision straight away.

    Yo
    u may find it useful to take some time to yourself to think about your motivations behind applying for your course, and whether you still stick by them or not.

    If you need some support, universities normally have some kind of counselling and psychology service that you may find beneficial - have you tried looking into that? You could also try to expresses your worries to your friends, family, or anyone else that you feel comfortable confiding in.

    ​Well done for setting up Friday's counselling session, that is not always an easy step to make. How did it go?

    ​- Esther

  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hello there ALL,

    Thank you for replying, I am sorry for not replying so much. I am difficulty.

    The counselling session on Friday went well, there was a lot of questions that helped me to get things out. It was a bit awkward and caused a lot of anxiety but went well! I'm just waiting for the 'Mental health team' to get in touch for further support?

    Riley- Thanks for the message, it was helpful! - did see it before, just struggle to reply.

    Fran and Estermix- thanks for your message about UNI, I guess there is a lot in the first year. But its the fact that the UNi now expect us to be fine and well-settled and wellaware of whats happening, and uni regulations etc... We are supposed to have a meeting with our personal tutor every semester, but I haven't heard anything and the second semester nearly done.

    Thanks. Take care

    IN_ME
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hi...

    So back where i am, struggling with uni once again. 1 half day, and 2 full days. Last week one full day was horrible, had a panic attack crying i toiletsn, so missed uni the following day-using weather as a somewhat contributing factor to not go. Monday just gone went so bad, half a day, yet was on the edge of breakig down and 'emotionally unsafe' in the actual session, just needed to self harm- it was good my friend replied to my message immediately so it helped. But now got full day uni tomrrow after 2 days off and so scared- don't want to go!!!! - What happes if I am the same?
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi...

    So back where i am, struggling with uni once again. 1 half day, and 2 full days. Last week one full day was horrible, had a panic attack crying i toiletsn, so missed uni the following day-using weather as a somewhat contributing factor to not go. Monday just gone went so bad, half a day, yet was on the edge of breakig down and 'emotionally unsafe' in the actual session, just needed to self harm- it was good my friend replied to my message immediately so it helped. But now got full day uni tomrrow after 2 days off and so scared- don't want to go!!!! - What happes if I am the same?

    Hi @Invisible_me

    Universities often have chaplains, and they are unjudgemental, respectful, patient and wise and if you could ask your uni staff, maybe you can get 1-2-1 with a chaplain or senior student helper in times of crisis. There is also an excellent reach-out service that is available to universities which at night is open for students to talk about anything that is troubling them.

    Save this to your bookmarks: https://www.nightline.ac.uk/want-to-talk/

    My aunt says Nightline is a very good service. Hope this helps.

    ~ Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hi,
    chaplains at our uni (one isn't based at my campus, and the campuses are far aaway), secondly their for religious probs. But I did make an appt with the student support (this is in a previous fruther up post in the same thread).

    I called up the GP practice today for an appoitment with the F. doc... nothing to pre-book till another month!... Either keep tryig for cancelations or 'same-day appts' (but the phone lines are always engaged so it's hard to get through, and harder when you don't want parents to know! There might be a sooner wi th the m. DOc slightly sooner I guess but he doesn't see me for mental health (because the F.doc dealing with my mental health) and the nurse I'm not seeing. Only other option is book an appointment with them to get them to book me in for the female doc (but don't like nurse, M.Doc could deal with)... But it#s just a nightmare what do I do??

  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    I'm sorry you are having to wait one month before seeing a doctor, but this is standrad NHS practice my aunt tells me so you will have to wait it out. I'm sure the surgery will grant you an earlier appoi ntment if a vacancy from a cancellation comes up.

    I am sorry that I can't do more for the predicament you are suffering, but I hope a volunteer or moderator will come to help you from here.

    Wishing you all the best,

    ~ Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey @Invisible_me,
    it's so sorry to hear that you need to wait so long; unfortunately as Mirabelle said it is standard, so you might find some other ways to help yourself in the meantime. You mentioned a friend who replied to your text soon enough for you not to self harm. have you talked to this friend about your feelings? Has your friend just started university as you? If you don't want your parents to know and you are waiting for your new session with the counsellor, maybe talking to a dear friend could give you both the possibility to talk and to be listened to.

    I Hope this might help,

    All the best,

    - Fran
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hello Fran and Belle,

    Thanks for replying.

    Uni is still proving to be a challenge. I have got a meeting with my 'personal tutor' next Monday. GP apt has been moved forward to 2 weeks time, but if I needed it sooner there's slots this Friday I just need to call up and say that I phone spoke to GP and said I could have one for Friday. It's because some slots per day (some all day) are same-day appts but to get these you have to call up first thing.

    Thank you!
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi again @Invisible_me The first year at university is always the most stressful and frenetic as the tutors pile on the coursework, and do it to every new university entrant. But the second year does get better, and I've someone in my family who is a post-grad and is now doing a PhD. Again, the first year absolutely did her head in; but this year is her 2nd, and therefore so much easier to manage.

    Last December, Jules my partner posted this in the student forum about how to manage your time more effectively. It is far more than a guide. It includes effective strategies found most useful, even for those doing their PhD's. Hope you find it helpful, so please bookmark it.

    http://www.studygs.net/

    Wishing you all the best :wave:

    ~ Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 215 The Mix convert
    Hi @Invisible_me ,

    Agree with @Mirabelle - from speaking to university students, the first year is quite tough despite being socially portrayed as a year to mess around. New people, new places, hard work and a lot of studying to do! By the second year, things should be settled (except perhaps accommodation, if you're moving place).

    Hope you feel better soon!x

    Much love <3
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hello All,

    Thanks for your messages, apoligies for not replying sooner.- Been very hectic!

    THank you! I think yeah the first year is portrayed socially to be a mess about year, and it so seriously isn't it's very hard! I'm seriously do not want to continue with uni to be honest. I think I just can't do it.

    No, I am living it home, so accomdation isn't an issue.

    Thank you for the @Mirabelle, I will take a look.

  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey Invisible_me,
    You are free to choose whatever you feel it's best for you. If you believe you'd better leave uni, then you can do that, without any worry. It's been brave of yours coming to such an understanding of yourself and your needs, so you have the right to follow the path you think can suit you better.

    All the best,

    - Fran
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Fran wrote: »
    Hey Invisible_me,
    You are free to choose whatever you feel it's best for you. If you believe you'd better leave uni, then you can do that, without any worry. It's been brave of yours coming to such an understanding of yourself and your needs, so you have the right to follow the path you think can suit you better.

    All the best,

    - Fran

    Hi Fran,

    Thanks for replying-apoligies in delay.

    I have had a think on your message and in general. To be honest, I'm not sure whether it's my mental heatlth that is effecting uni, or is it uni effecting my mental health- does that make sense? Therefore, is it that if I definitely leave university will things get better.

    I also get that I have the right to do what I want, but part of that is also 'shaped' by those around me; I don't want to quit uni and people around me aren't fond of that idea. I need the support of those around me and their agreement. - Is this all making sense?

    Thanks,
    In_me
  • RileyRiley Posts: 140 Moderator
    Hey there Invisible_me.

    There are definitely a lot of factors to weigh up when you're thinking about something like this and it's understandable that you're having such a tough time deciding what to do. You mentioned that the people around you aren't fond of the idea of you quitting university and I just wondered how much you've discussed this with those around you? It's possible that better understanding how much this is affecting your health might help them better understand where you're coming from. At the end of the day it's important for you to choose what you think is best since it's your life and your health. I hope this helps.

    - Riley
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hello, Riley,

    Thanks for replying.

    I guess I haven't discussed it with them that much but the reason for this is because they don't understand, and don't really know how to tell them. I wish I could tell them but don't feel that is something I can do.

    There has now bee an update- I nw have an apt booked for the 'student services' at uni. A phychiatrsit apt also coming up but she's not much helpat all.

    SPeak soon

  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey @Invisible_me,

    I think that causes and effects can be way more flexible than we imagine and that it's possible that mental health is affecting uni and that uni is affecting mental health in some kind of "vicious circle". It's really great that you have scheduled two appointments with two different professionals.
    Regarding those people close to you that are not fond of the idea, have you ever considered writing down your thoughts in a letter and giving it to them? it may be a valid alternative to direct speaking if you don't feel like doing it.

    Let us know how your appointment go!

    - Fran
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hi there Fran

    Thanks for your reply. Yes it hard for me to know, and I possibly won't every know.

    I've got the uni meeting on Wednesday- Dont' know what to do? what to say? Like..

    I have tried telling parents before via speech or via a letter and it hasn't ever gone down well.... so don't think I can do that.

    I went to the GP today and wrote things down for her, I mean my GP is really really nice and she understood what I was trying to say and stuff, but she just foud it hard to like advise anything or do much, But she said they will get something sorted and sooner or later things will improve. I am seeing her on Wednesday at her 'happy club'..But yeah... Like she's absolutely lovely the GP but I feel in regards to moving forward she's unsure.

    Thanks
    In_me
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hey @Invisible_me,
    The first thing I thought while reading your post is that you are allowed to give yourself time. It's ok if you don't know what to say at your appointment in advance. Just let it happen as it has to. It will be an interaction, so there's no need for you to prepare something to say, as maybe it can be better for you to just let your thoughts and words flow as they are meant to.
    It may be possible that your GP, too, needs some time to think about the following steps, as she may be a professional who prefers to sort some options out together with you instead of giving you predetermined ones. it may be scary at the beginning, but in the end I believe this could be a helpful approach. Together you could also talk about some solutions that would help you have an open communication with your parents and explain everything to them in a way that helps you all.

    Good luck for your appointment on Wednesday, let us know :wave:

    - Fran
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hi Fran,

    Thank you for your message,

    You know what it makes perfect sense completely... I don't really need to plan as such just maybe get some ideas or few points with what I am struggling with. It's quite so how you know you are struggling and stuff, but when it actually comes to telling someone what exactly you find it really hard and almost lose why.

    I am so scared for tomorrow, really anxious- DO'twant to go? Almost forgotton what I what I want to say, need to say? What will he be like? Will he understand? what will I say, he say??/ Urghh...

    I think that's sounds right re: the GP. Could be! She is really nice and caring- and somethimes that goes a long way.

    Thank you,
    In_me
  • FranFran Posts: 118 Two little ducks
    Hi @Invisible_me
    How did it go? Did you feel at ease and was he sympathetic?

    Feel free to share all your thoughts, if you'd like to,

    - Fran
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Fran wrote: »
    Hi @Invisible_me
    How did it go? Did you feel at ease and was he sympathetic?

    Feel free to share all your thoughts, if you'd like to,

    - Fran

    Hi @Fran

    Thanks for your message. Um no it didn't go well. I was really anxious and struggled to get any words out at all. He basically said "do you think it's just the nerves of settling in?"- It seems far from beyond to be just that.

    I felt like he even didn't know what to say etc... It was very uncomfortable and awkward- My first apt didn't even go that bad. Its also so annoying that despite filing in a referral form and having the 'first initial session' (where they decide what support you need) he knew nothing and asked me all the same questions that I had already ansiwered 2 times before. It's exhausting repeating it all.

    it was like such a abrupt ending so unexpected, my next appointment is in 2 weeks time.

    Urghh....

    Invisible_me
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 92 Miniposter
    Hey,

    I have since had another 1 apt which was this week. Again he ended the apt really quickly because I just couldn't speak. I just couldn't any words out etc... he was really lost and really doesn't understand/confused why I am there... he was like " How do you expect me to help you if you don't know?" Which I understand to be honest!

    His now told me to write things down, and booked me in again for next week (it seems like he was quite concerned the way he said it "But I want to see you next week"

    I don't know what to say- I feel like I am wasting their time and resources.

    In_me
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 215 The Mix convert
    Hi In_me,

    You aren't wasting their time and resources at all! You have to work hard, together, to resolve this - this didn't all happen overnight, and it's not going to go overnight either! Writing things down is great - even though I could talk about my experiences, I found writing things down helped consolidate my thoughts and communicate them in a different way than I could do by speaking. Don't worry, you're doing really well - keep up the effort and work, and it will pay off!x

    Much love <3
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