Need some feedback on my decision

MirabelleMirabelle Owl WhispererKensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
I used to live in Majorca where some of my family live, but recent family events, not all good, has made me consider living more or less permanently in England.

Majorca is an ideal holiday destination, though during winter our coastal towns are empty since the tourist season finished late September. Town shops, bars, cafes and hotels have shut until March or April. Street lamps are wrapped in plastic sheeting, their bulbs removed and all the palm trees severely pruned to avoid damage during the island's severe winter storms. Our homes in Palma and Alcúdia are shuttered down. The last storms that hit produced 10 cm sized hailstones and lightning fried one of our TV satellite dishes.

We came home to England only to discover my mother had terminal cancer, and died soon after. She left my aunt and me a beautiful country house, its grounds extending into an area of outstanding beauty and with sea views over the hill. I have been dividing my time between there and our family home not far away. Much as I love Majorca and France where I was born in Le Lavandou, both countries become unbearably hot during summer. The winter weather in Provence brings the Mistral, a violent, cold north-north-westerly wind.

Except here in this verdant green area of the beautiful South Downs, I feel at peace. My angler friends, all grown men with families have adopted me into their club and I feel at home, equally there as in the kitchen of this lovely country house I hope to move to.

Would you agree that living in England would make me happiest? There are plenty of interests and I get to earn money from performing. I am not wanting to return to Majorca except for holidays, where the visiting tourists are always nice. My aunt is now my mum and she is simply lovely. So I would be interested in what you guys think about my decision to stay here.

Belle

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'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

- Howard Gardner

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,769,851 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Belle
    It really sounds like you are happier and more at peace living in your beautiful country house, that your wonderful mum left you. Take one step at a time and see how you feel everyday and whether you are settling well and don't feel the need to move away from England.
    Also perhaps you have considered bereavement counselling since losing your mum, you don't say when that was. It is such a big loss, our mum's are precious and it leaves a big hole in our lives. It is wonderful that you have your aunt who you say is lovely.
    Let us know how you get on.
    take care
    Haze:rainbow2::)
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi @Haze

    I've already been seeing a bereavement counsellor, but counsellors have been switched since my aunt, now my foster mum and guardian discovered my mother was someone quite different, and in a bad way. Consequently I've started counselling for sexual abuse and recently bought a download of an ebook that I posted about in Sex & Relationships. The book has been good to read because its authors wrote it in a gentle and sensitive way. Not all self-help books are as good, though mine was specifically written for teenage girls.

    Up to the time it was discovered about my mother, the counsellor was lovely to me and helped me find practical ways of coping with my loss. Now, since discovering my mother was no way the loving doting "mummy" I had grown to love and become close to, I remain upset at what she was, while trying to retain some affection for her. If that makes sense. There is no longer a 'hole' that her death had brought, more like a betrayal from what was discovered on her Leica's SD card and her hand written journals, all of which were incinerated. The Leica and its various high end lenses is lovely though, so I will cherish it while continuing to stay at this lovely house until the time feels right to move there permanently. The village it's in is beautiful though I suspect its villagers are a nosy bunch, but I'm good at deflecting intrusive questions. ;) Also a reporter came asking questions, but changed his mind when I told Wolfy to see him off.

    Last night and during last weekend I woke crying, so this is another area I am having to get help for. Presently I am writing an article for the forum on coping strategies, though @Aife gave me a super link I never knew existed. http://www.themix.org.uk/search/coping+tips

    I was astonished of being left such a beautiful country house. I'm still making interesting discoveries. We have a young tame owl that my cousin reared since it fell out of its nest, and it's taken to me so much that I have to wear a thick suede shoulder patch for it to perch on. All I need is a black eye patch. Then you can call me Pirate Belle. :d

    Thank you for posting on my topic. I am grateful to you and appreciate your motherly ways. I hope you can stay on the forum helping others.

    Much love,
    Belle




    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 150 The Mix convert
    Hi Belle ,

    I am sorry to here about what's happened with your mum I understand this must have been a very difficult thing to go through.

    It sounds like you have taken a brave step and talked to your aunt about what has happened. Great that you have decided to talk about this to a counsellor I hope that they can help explore things with you and are able to help you. Do you think this is helping? You also spoke about a book which has helped you its great that you have found a book which is aimed at teenage girls to be able to help you.

    How are you feeling at the moment? Its great that you have made sure that you have got help for all the different areas this can be really hard to do so well done. I am glad that Aife was able to give you a super link there are defiantly some amazing ideas on that link.

    Crazy that you have a tame owl which will sit on your shoulder that must be really nice.

    Rayofhope

    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Hi @Rayofhope

    I've saved those super links that Aife gave for later, because I cannot proceed with the article since I am left haunted by circumstances surrounding my mother's death. She passed away by cardiac arrest, only what caused it was found later by me and my dear aunt. I cannot speak of the circumstances here for fear of upsetting members of our community, but I will private message you though the staff already know.

    My sleep times have become particularly difficult when waking up in the middle of the night crying. To stop myself from overthinking and reacting woefully is to read a favourite book or listen to some happy tune through headphones. In the evenings like now, I feel rough, but have my aunt and dear Jules to help me. Tomorrow I have my counsellor visit, though the session I expect will be tearful when I'm going to have to recall past events. There has been far too much for me to handle and I don't always act strong, but cry. I don't self-injure though.

    The owl was found by my cousin about two years ago and reared. Owlets cannot entirely care for themselves without their parent, so cousin and I have enormous fun and a few unintentional scratches while we pretend listening for worms on the lawn while Dumpty looks on, bobbing his head. We feed him dead hen chicks and dead mice while he flies between us in the grounds of our house, always flying back to us. At home he has a roosing perch in our lounge where during the day he snoozes, sometimes doing little hoots. When Dumpty is hungry he lets us know with little squeaks, though we know when he's wanting food and carefully measure the amount according to his weight. My dog has learnt the hard way to leave alone. I know it sounds strange, but that owl has stirred something deep within me. He perches on my shoulder and sometimes tweaks my hair. It be affection I guess.

    Today aunty smiled and said, "You called me mum." And that made me feel like I am starting over again when she came up to hug me.

    Next month we are going to move to this glorious country house, and when that happens it's going to be the beginning of something new, but also something great.

    Thank you for being so interested in me. :)

    Belle
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • AzzimanAzziman Posts: 200 The Mix convert
    Hi @Mirabelle,

    I think it's important for you to weigh up what you gain and lose by moving. You may be leaving friends behind (con), but you may like the temperate climate (pro). Also be sure to weigh up what is important to you, and how that is affected too!

    As a Brit, I think that it's a nice place to live in general. We have our issues like any other country of course, but it's been a nice place to live for my whole life so far!x

    Much love <3
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Azziman wrote: »
    Hi @Mirabelle,

    I think it's important for you to weigh up what you gain and lose by moving. You may be leaving friends behind (con), but you may like the temperate climate (pro). Also be sure to weigh up what is important to you, and how that is affected too!

    As a Brit, I think that it's a nice place to live in general. We have our issues like any other country of course, but it's been a nice place to live for my whole life so far!x

    Much love <3

    Thanks for visiting, Azziman. :)

    I would not be missing much if I went home because though the weather is relatively warm up to 20C, there is little to do with all the stores shut up and their owners gone for the season. In Majorca I had two close girl friends since I was 11, but when I came out to them recently they criticised me harshly and next day went home. I was very hurt by their remarks and I don't doubt they've told everyone I was acquainted with. I'll return some time, probably May when the weather in the Balearic Islands is pleasant and the tourists will have returned, and I enjoy the night life in Palma. There will be opportunities to perform concerts, and that is always rewarding. But for now, I am happy remaining here even if the beaches are windswept and sea rough, but super for fishing; I like lonely places. My fishermen friends are always kind, and being the youngest in the angler's club I sort of feel they've adopted me.

    No country is perfect, but that is not a problem to me or my family. We live in the sticks whether Majorca or here, and I love the cosy warmth and companionship of my young family while knowing I am very loved. In Majorca I have no friends. They never were my friends.
    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 150 The Mix convert
    Hi Belle,

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been left haunted after your mother&#146;s death, this must be a really upsetting feeling for you. How are you feeling at the moment? It&#146;s great that you are talking about things on here and being open with people that are able to help you to come back stronger after such a tough time.

    Sleep can be really hard and nights especially because its dark and maybe we feel more alone. However it&#146;s good that you have coping strategies which are able to stop you from overthinking and that these are working for you. Music or a book can be great to take your mind anyway from where it was and be able to focus on it. Its sound like you have got some good support around you at home with your Aunt and Jules to be able to help you when you are finding the evenings harder, and your counsellor to talk things through with. You spoke above about not acting strong and crying, it&#146;s completely fine to cry and show how you are feeling in hard situations. How you do you feel about this?

    You mentioned that your close friends from home had criticized you. How are you feeling about this at the moment? It can be hard when we feel we have lost close friends.

    Sounds great that you feel when you move to a new house it&#146;s going to be something new for you.

    Rayofhope:rainbow2:

    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • MirabelleMirabelle Owl Whisperer Kensington.Posts: 1,020 Fanatical Poster
    Rayofhope wrote: »
    Hi Belle,

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been left haunted after your mother&#146;s death, this must be a really upsetting feeling for you. How are you feeling at the moment? It&#146;s great that you are talking about things on here and being open with people that are able to help you to come back stronger after such a tough time.

    Sleep can be really hard and nights especially because its dark and maybe we feel more alone. However it&#146;s good that you have coping strategies which are able to stop you from overthinking and that these are working for you. Music or a book can be great to take your mind anyway from where it was and be able to focus on it. Its sound like you have got some good support around you at home with your Aunt and Jules to be able to help you when you are finding the evenings harder, and your counsellor to talk things through with. You spoke above about not acting strong and crying, it&#146;s completely fine to cry and show how you are feeling in hard situations. How you do you feel about this?

    You mentioned that your close friends from home had criticized you. How are you feeling about this at the moment? It can be hard when we feel we have lost close friends.

    Sounds great that you feel when you move to a new house it&#146;s going to be something new for you.

    Rayofhope:rainbow2:

    Hi @Rayofhope

    I appreciate your support like so many on my thread and on other parts of the forum, but this evening I'm not good. How I feel about crying is that it happens constantly throughout the day, I can't help myself and crying doesn't alleviate how I am right this minute. I wish that I could 'come back stronger', but that reality may be far off, for it's all I can do but take a day at a time.

    As I had posted 'Empty' almost an hour ago, I have no counsellor to help as she has a nasty virus. The recent one acted unprofessionally in being inattentive by doodling on her notepad, only to ask me to reiterate feelings about my mother. I gave her a well deserved tirade and walked out.

    Jules has been away all week in Spain on music/band business and was expected to return this evening, but she's been held up. Aunty had to go to London today and won't be home til tomorrow, though I'm in contact by phone with her. I've had to stay instead of going to Hampton Court as they disallow dogs and owls, so my older cousin has been staying with me. She and I get along fine.

    I've just commenced an AS Level in the British monarchy (Tudors & Stuarts) and this is going to be opening up some wonderful study and essays as it progresses throughout the year. This has become part of my daily home schooling, so it's helpful in keeping my mind off my troubles.I have some super books to read, novels, my radio and dog for company and our hooty owl cheering me up. And, I have the kitchen to magic up some delicious grub tonight.

    I am trying to keep above the troubles, such as they are. The emptiness remains a big hole in my heart, but perhaps one day I will find my healing.

    Wishing you all the best, and have a super weekend.

    Belle



    'If you think education is expensive, try estimating the cost of ignorance'.

    - Howard Gardner
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