Lost and feel trapped

Jacob101 · November 2017

I have been having gender identity issues for a while now and do small things like looking at myself and think i wish that was like that and that wasnt there but at the same time i feel confused why i feel like this and guilty about making a transition because my mum gave birth to a baby girl but feel like im trapped in the wrong body. I dont know what to do

SunshineSoul · November 2017

Hi Jess :wave:

Thanks for posting. Feeling uncomfortable or trapped in your own body must be a really hard feeling to manage. However I'm glad that you were able to put some words to your feelings, and I hope that maybe I can offer some help to you to make you feel a little less isolated.

What you're experiencing is very common, I think everybody at some point in their lives goes through self identity issues whether that be gender. sexuality, religion...the list goes on because we all self identify in many ways. But you're certainly not alone. From an early age we have gender roles forced upon us and societal expectations that we are meant to conform to all based on our anatomy - to me this is quite absurd and strange! We all have the right to self-identify and take on whatever labels we want (or refuse to take on labels). Our bodies, our gender, and our sexuality are our own and we have the say in what we call ourselves.

Lets focus on gender identity. We live in a society that has a binary gender system, and by 'binary' I mean it is thought that there are two and only two genders and you must be one or the other. It’s pretty black and white if you think of it that way but I don’t think the world is really quite that simple. However this is beginning to change and non-binary genders are becoming more accepted (yay!)

In terms of how to deal with these feelings I would suggest to explore your feelings more in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Just by posting on here you're already on the journey to self-discovery and that's very brave of you. What could you do to make you feel more like 'you'? You mentioned you feel guilty, I know straying from the 'norm' can be really hard and it can bring lots of anxiety along with it but these feelings you have you cannot help and 'guilty' suggests you've done something wrong which you certainly haven't!

Do you feel you'd be able to discuss your feelings with your mum? There's plenty of help online which could give you more advice about speaking to parents and 'coming out' but don't feel pressurised to do this, it could just help to have someone at home to support you. Check out Mermaids UK which offers advice for youth on the gender spectrum. Do you know if you have any local LGBT groups in your area or centres you can visit? You could even visit a group/centre in a different city if this makes you feel more comfortable and less worried about being spotted. It may help to surround yourself around other people whom know what you are going through and can offer advice and support and in turn this can help build your confidence. Remember this is your life, no one else is living it for you therefore every decision is your own and it's important that you are happy, so you've just got to do you!

I wish you all the best,

- Sunny :rainbow:

raw

PositiveAura · November 2017

Hey @Jess101 :wave:

First of all, thank you for coming on and sharing your feelings. I can imagine that you are feeling very confused but the first step is letting it all out to clear your mind a little. It also helps to connect with others who are feeling similar ways. This is a great place to start your journey and just like Sunny said above, you are certainly not alone in how you feel!

There is some great advice in Sunny's post above but I just wanted to give you some more support and help you feel less alone, confused or worried.

Life is all about finding out who we are, and we are all born very different to who we turn out to be!
t's hard to think this way, but the best part in life is creating ourselves, exploring what we want, finding out who we want to be and making it happen. It can be a long road for some of us, filled with hills, turns, rocks in the road, flat tyres, and even sometimes, roundabouts! So try to think of this as your journey of discovering and creating yourself. I find that this can take off the pressure and remind us that everyone is trying to do this.

The hard thing about life is that we are sometimes expected to 'identify' ourselves or 'define' who we are. This is just a social expectation where we are all put in boxes to keep us in line. I try not to think this way. Nowadays, there are so many of us and we are so, so different. This should be embraced and if you go to LGBT+ friendly places or communities, being whoever you are is celebrated! I know it may seem hard now, but one day you will get to the place where you are surrounded by people who dress however they want, be whoever they want and love whoever they want. Things are accepted much more openly now which is great and things are changing even more.

As for your confusion, the best thing to do is to explore yourself. What do you like? What would you like to be like? Who would you like to be?

We all can have problems with our bodies and who we are, you're not alone here. I guarantee everyone has had some thoughts like this. But if you feel like there are bigger things that you want to change, specific to gender then you have to ask yourself what will make you happy? Will changing some things make you who you feel like inside?

I can understand that you may be feeling nervous about your parents, gosh I was like this with my sexuality! One thing that is a good thing to do is drop some hints in here and there. Bring up some news events that involve gender issues or bring up celebrities who may be trans to see how they react? But this doesn't have to be done until you are more comfortable with what you want.

Hopefully, you have some supportive parents that just want you to be happy. And as you embrace yourself and become who you want to be, they'll embrace and encourage this too. But this step may be a while away. It's important that you focus on yourself at the moment and cross the next bridge after.

Here's a link that can get you started on understanding different areas of identity and the wide spectrum of it:

http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/gender-and-sexuality/young-and-trans-5178.html

http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships/i-think-i-might-be-genderqueer-15707.html

Have a read and explore who you feel like you are! After exploring these sites and reading about other people, you'll know that you aren't alone, there are so many options for you and you can be whoever you want to be.:)

Here are some other links that can help:
Gendered Intelligence - aim to promote gender diversity and have various youth groups around the UK for non-binary and questioning young people.

All About Trans focus on promoting a more sensitive and realistic representation of trans people in the media.

Remember we are all here on The Mix to listen.

-PositiveAura:rainbow::rainbow2:

Lost and feel trapped

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