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Asexuality (contains sex talk)

FeatheredDreamsFeatheredDreams MiniposterPosts: 91 The answer to life, the universe, and everything
So hey i'm asexual, and y'know, it took me yeeeears to realise that. I think i was 15 or 16 actually when i realised after yeeears of being confused in a hypersexual world.

What IS being "asexual"?

Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction to others. Female, male, non-binary - nope, we're not sexually attracted to any of you, nor anyone. That means we never have the urge to want to have sex with a specific person (which i understand to be a thing non-asexual experience at some point to someone - even if that's a celebrity dream).

BUT some of us do experience a sex drive - yes, i still get horny, and yes i still watch porn! Infact it's one of the only ways i get sexually thrilled at all. The thing is i just never want to do the do with a specifc person.

Some asexuals are sex repulsed, these are people who don't like having sex at all, for whatever reason! (And this is true of all sexualities - some of us just striaght up don't enjoy traditional sex!). Some asexual are indifferent to the act of sex, and some asexuals may even enjoy it! Some asexuals have sex with their partners for reasons other than the sexual pleasure; the bonding experience, fun and such even if they can't get off to it.

Oh! I may use the word "ace" in the writing of this. "Ace" refers to asexuality - e.g "i'm ace" = "i'm asexual", "ace spectrum" = "asexuality spectrum".

Can asexuals be in a relationship?

Yes! In the lgbt+ community is the idea of the 'two attraction model' which to my understanding is, the idea that romantic attraction is different to sexual attraction. Myself, i'm "homoromantic" - that means i can be in relationships with same gender, but due to my particular kind of asexuality, i won't have sex in a relationship. Now this idea isn't perfect, but it sure made me more hopeful for a relationship after figuring out i was asexual. Some asexuals (and even non-asexuals!) may also be known as "aromatic" - they don't experience romantic attraction.

Of course, being asexual can make some relationships complicated. My advice for the asexuals out there - if you happen to not like sex, do NOT stay in a relationship with someone who demands too much sex!! (This is also true for any relationship but especially so for sex-repulsed asexuals) There are people out there, asexual and not asexual, who will respect that you don't want sex! Sex that two people don't mutually desire is very uncomfortable and generally unhealthy for a relationship! No matter how much you like a person, if they demand too much sex from you then it won't work unless your partner can chill with demands for sex. And if they can't stop demanding sex form you? It won't work.

What is the spectrum of asexuality?

Just like any other sexuality, we too have degrees to how much sexual attraction we feel!

Firstly, one of the most common forms of asexuality, aside pure asexuality, is called "demi-sexual". This sexuality lies on the ace specturm and is one where, a person does not feel sexual attraction to someone unless they have a close bond with them. That means, often, that they feel sexual attraction towards romantic partners after a while.

Another common one is "gray-sexual" or gray-ace, an amalgam of the words asexual and gray it is termed as such due to their sexuality lying in a gray area of labels. A person may chose to call themselves gray ace if they rarely, almost never, but still sometimes experience sexual attraction. (It's also often used by people considering asexuality but aren't sure yet, though isn't solely a label used for the indecisive! Yes, there are 100% certain graysexuals!)

There's a whole bunch of other terms too, like "Lithrosexual" - where one does feel sexual attraction but does not want it to be reciprocated! That is - they feel sexual attraction to a person but may not desire to have actual sex with them.

There's also the term "Autochorissexual" - these are people who experience a sexual pleasure from porn and masturbation. Now arguably, a lot of us may experience this (of course there are some people who don't!) regaurdless of sexuality. However! People on the ace spectrum use this label to indicate that the only form of sexual excitement they may experience comes from porn/masturbation, and they otherwise experience no sexual attraction.

It's crucial to note - these are all just labels! You're asexual either way and there's probably a few common labels i missed! You can call yourself asexual if you are actually lithrosexual, it doesn't matter! Simply stating you are on the ace spectrum is also a working label for some!

Why did you write this?

Because it took me several years of thinking i was abnormal until i realised i was asexual! I learnt from a tumblr post, hopefully this might raise awareness so other uncomfortable, unknowing asexuals out there can also discover their sexuality.

I remember one time when i was, what, 12? 11???? My friend asked me to play one of those MSN games. The game in question, while I can't remember all the details, it was a game where you were meant to give a sexiness rating to a bunch of "hunks" (big, muscled men). I remember not fiinding any of them sexy and my friend did, and i thought, when im older i'll like boys like i'm meant to. And yet, i grew in age and still did not find men attractive, nor did i find women attractive, in fact i thought the sexual attraction people in movies and tv shows feel was totally fake up until like a year ago when i asked my friend what sexual attraction felt like and if it was real (hint: apparently it is real, though i can never give you an account of it because i've never felt it.)

I have another question/There's some info you missed/I want to share my story/I disagree with your definition of a certain term...

Feel free to ask any questions!
If i missed something and you know more about it, please do comment!! Asexuality is a complicated thing and i sure don't know everything!
If you have stories to share, 100% go ahead!
A lot of terms in here, especially under the ace spectrum section, can be debated! But debate is good! I've tried my best to widely define them but i'm not always right and nor is my view the only acceptable one! If you have disagreements over anything in here, 100% go ahead and voice it!


  • DreaDrea The Mix Posts: 292 Budding Regular
    Hey AzathKelara,

    This is an amazing post! Thank you for sharing this, you've helped so many people understand what asexuality is! I didn't understand what asexuality meant completely so you'v definitely educated me too.

    Have a great day,

  • AidanAidan Clever idiot Posts: 2,634 Boards Champion
    So true Drea!!! Thanks Azath, I think I get it now too, infact from this I'd define myself as demi-sexual maybe. Ooh, all this sexualities and genders these days are so diverse but equally confusing.

    "Do, or do not, there is no try" <(•.•)>              
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