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I don't belong anywhere

SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
in Sex & Relationships
Again sorry for post. Im in a pretty bad place atm.
So I always found it hard to speak to people cause im a really shy anxious person. I feel like I can't mix with any social groups. Like you get the "popular kids", emos, sort of chavy, bitchy ones, ones that just go out having sex with random guys, confident ones, bit of a odd ball ones ECT. But I dont class myself or fit in any of them.
I've never really had friends. I have but only because of my twin sister. Who was with the "popular kids" but I can't be bothered to speak to them anymore cause they have turned bitchy. And im jealous of my sister because she's a lot more confident.
I did have one friend that wasnt my sisters as well but ended badly. When she started saying things like "I want cancer so my ex will feel sorry for me" and was proabbly a compulsive liar. So we're not really friends.
My point being is, I can't make friends or belong anywhere. Im not emo, chavy or anything. I try to make friends but I'm a nervous reck. I always feel on edge. Every day at college and second i hate. I feel people are making comments about me or staring. I try general conversations with people but it's hard. And I feel like even if i do make friends. It's to much effort to stay friends. And im starting to believe that when my doctor said it's more then shyness and mild social anxiety that she was right.
I dont know what to do. I like being alone but hate feeling so lonely.
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does your twin sister have the mental health problems that you have? Why is she confident but you're not?

    You have a good point about cliques, subcultures etc. If you don't fit into them and aren't popular, you can become an outcast. Do you want to change and become part of any of those groups?
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    My twin dont have any mental health problems. She can be really shy with new people as well. So im not sure how she makes friends.
    I wouldn't say im an outcast, cause I dont exaclty get rejected.
    I'm not sure what I want. I just don't want to feel lonely but like being alone. But I think maybe I'm just isolating myself cause im depressed and can't be bothered with it anyway or with drama. Cause there was a point where I would go out and have a good time. But dont want to go out and when i do, I dont enjoy it.
    The only way I can make friends is if im off my face. But can't be like that all the time.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you ask her how she makes and keeps friends, and avoids becoming mentally ill, you might be able to copy her.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,495 Skive's The Limit
    Aw. I occasionally speak to a friend over text who I spoke to only in lesson and gonna meet her in prezzo's tomorrow.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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