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I need advice (age gap)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
16 and 39?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could you give us a little more information on what it is you need advice about?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it okay for us to go out even though there is an age gap?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is if you're happy - just be very careful considering the legal side of things. I was with a 30-odd year old when I was 17. What do your parents and friends feel about the situation if you've spoken to them?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Obviously, this isn't limited to the fact that he's older than you; but there are guys out there who will just try to take advantage of you.

    As Butterfly mentioned, there is the legal side of things if he's in a position of trust. (teacher, etc)
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,306 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Liz,

    Just to add to what others have already said, a factor that is usually significant in these sorts of relationships is the difference in interests between the two people. For example, someone older may be looking to settle down with a partner, start a family, etc. Whereas someone much younger could be more interested in getting out, trying new things, travelling, and generally discovering themselves a little. Not to say that it's always the case, but these sorts of differences can affect the dynamics and expectations of relationships and it's important to be mindful of that. That, along with making sure you feel comfortable with the other half and everything is consensual, of course. :)

    That being said, I think most would agree that it's not always warranted to disregard a potential partner purely due to their age. Usually, it's the what the age gap itself can represent that is worth thinking about.

    We also have an article on age gaps which has some important bits and pieces in. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    @Mike makes a good point actually. I briefly dated someone who was 37 when I was 24. We were both at completely stages in life. (he'd already been married and had children) And we had virtually nothing in common either, which made it kinda difficult.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your help, he does make me really happy and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, we love eachother and are a great couple, Id just hate anything to happen I've tried searching up like is it okay for us to be together but you can't really get a straight answer, he isn't my teacher or old teacher or anything, we both want to have a baby too and get married it's what I want, I just want to make sure it will be okay to have the life that I want, my friends love him and they arent even bothered they know how much we love eachother and they are really supportive, my grandparents know and they were a little bothered but now it's just normal to them but my parents don't know you as I'm going through a little rough stage with them and it's not the right time
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Liz1010 :wave:

    It sounds like you're extremely in love and happy and your friends and family support you which is great.

    I think age gaps come down to the people involved, you can have a really mature 21 year old and a really immature 40 year old, so I think it's important to take people on their personality; interest etc, and not worry to much about the actual age gap. However there is always going to be somebody who wants to criticize your relationship no matter how happy you both make each other, and I think with an age gap people may pick up on this, and you may need to be ready for this, however if you are both happy then you may look into ways of dealing with this such as turning it into humor.

    Another point when dating an older man I think is important is to ensure that you have your say/ your own life, I think it can be easy for a relationship with somebody older to either allow them to do whatever they want, almost as though they hold more power, or just become a bit of a hermit and grow up a little bit too early - I'm not saying this is definitely the case, as I haven't met your other half, but just remember your only young once and to enjoy yourself, and don't let people get in the way of it.

    Good luck with your relationship and I hoped this helped :)


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, like what many others have written it's about what makes you happy. I'm 23 and my partner is 44 and I couldn't be happier. We have a house together and i'm 26 weeks pregnant with our baby. He has 2 teenagers with his last partner and at the start everything was a bit odd as people were judging us and people had their own opinions. All that mattered was that I was happy and his kids were happy and the people close to us saw how great we were together and any negative opinions they had disappeared.

    Try not to jump online and google, "age gaps in relationships" because the internet can be full of support, like here, but it can also be full of upsetting and judgemental people who don't know you and reading what they think, if it's negative can have a negative impact on you even if you don't think it will.

    Focus on each other and what makes you both happy and everything else will sort itself out over time.

    Good Luck :)
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