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Rant about my family (mentions abuse)

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear you that butterfly123 *hug*

    Like you say it's even harder around Christmas, especially as it will be the first one without having a proper relationship with your grandparents. Them letting go of your mum and sister as well is not your fault though. They seem to be struggling with how to handle all this, and are torn between family. Perhaps ignoring everyone (or being hot cold whenever they please) is their way to cope, but doesn't mean it's ok or fair, and you have every reason to be upset - especially as you were close.

    Remember it's not you who's selfish so try not to be too hard on yourself. You did nothing wrong.

    As much as it hurts, trying to focus on having other family members and friends this month can hopefully help a little, and we're here too :yes: :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Christele.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It genuinely feels like I was in the wrong the whole time. I thought I was doing what was best for everyone else, protecting people, I went through five years of absolute hell to stop him from carrying out threats against others. Then when the truth finally comes out, I'm absolutely hated and he's loved. It just makes me realise I should never open up about things again, for as long as I'm alive. I exist to be hurt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It is my mums birthday today and she received a text from nanna saying "happy bday. Take it you've fallen out with us".

    Is that a fucking joke!? My poor mum has been crying because of what her own parents have said to her, on her birthday! Mum poured her heart out in reply so nanna was like "well we got a card from you but it didn't say mum and dad on the front so we thought we had lost you".

    Do not give her that shit! At least my mum has bothered to post cards, my mum has actually got presents in, in case they call, despite what myself, sister and dad said. Mum tries her absolute hardest and you finally decide to get in touch with her but on her birthday and you have to fucking make her cry?? The shop she bought from barely ever does personalised cards, she didn't just go out with spiteful intent. God I'm so fucking angry but it is also taking absolutely all of me not to cry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's okay to feel angry butterfly and to cry if you feel upset for your mum *hug*

    It's really hard to see people we care about in pain. I wonder what you could do to be there for your mum? Even if it's something small like offering to help out with the run up to Christmas or making her a cup of tea and just telling her you know she's really trying.

    There can often be a lot of unsaid baggage in family relationships and it sounds like your mum is doing her best.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Jojo.

    I spent the majority of yesterday making mum cup of teas and making her laugh, then she went to work and as she was at work, grandparents pulled up to post a bunch of cards then drove off, so she arrived home to discover that. She said yesterday morning that she will give them one more chance and despite how scared of losing mum they claim to be, they really have a very funny way of showing that to her.

    I was aware of possible fall out when I started to properly talk about things with my old worker but I never thought it would be this hard, I never thought my grandparents would hate us all and if I had any idea whatsoever that they would upset my mum so much as a result then I would never have told.

    Grandparents told mum yesterday that they will come and see her today - they haven't even been in touch since upsetting her yesterday and mum is now at work until tonight so I take it they've changed their mind. I thought yesterday, when they posted the cards, that it meant they're not going to come and see her today and I obviously thought right.

    I want to lose my temper - I want to shout and tell them what I think but I can't because I know they're mum's parents and I don't want to be the reason they're even more horrible with her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wish I could just barge into theirs and yell, keep fucking yelling and let all of truths that they don't know out. Fucking idiots.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The last time grandparents spoke to mum was a while ago now - can't remember exactly how long. Mum decided to post a mothers day card to nanna's so they've decided they should act interested and nanna has text mum saying "sorry we haven't been to see you but we've been unwell".

    Right, so first of all, being unwell does not stop you from sending the odd text from time to time to your daughter. Do they think we're stupid? They've barely bothered with mum since the massive family fall out so do not bother fucking bullshitting when it's so obvious that reality is you simply don't give a fucking shit.

    Secondly, they were seen in a shop the other day - not to 'unwell' too go shopping then, I see, just too 'unwell' to bother with your daughter.

    I don't know if I'm more angry about this or more upset. So many fucking parts of this entire situation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gah, grandparents are here and I need to go down as I need to go out. I don't want to see them. I don't want to pretend everything is okay with them when it's far from okay :(
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey butterfly,

    I'm sorry that it feels like your grandparents haven't really been there for your mum or you. It seems like there's a lot of politics in your family, which must be really hard on you (and your mum). Your more recent posts here suggest you're experiencing quite a few different emotions, but anger seems to be one of the stronger ones. Is that fair?

    I hope it was bearable today, but we're here if you need another vent :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I cant imgaine what u went through when no one knew what was going on. Im really sorry that happened to u. No one deserves to go through that and im really glad u managed to tell us in the end because were here.

    The way ur grandparents treated u when and after it was going on is really bad of them and thats not ur fault. They both got to do some serious growing up as u would think at there age they would be too tired of all this arguing and just say sorry that they didnt believe u. Its got nothing to do about there favourites as that shouldnt come into it. More importantly its about the truth.

    One day they will know the truth when it hurts them but untill then spend as much time as those who want to be in ur life. Atleast u and ur mum are close and it may take a while for ur uncle to come round but hes still part of ur life.

    I wouldnt let ur grandparents come into ur house if i was u. Dont open the door if they are there. Why should they be allowed to come anytime when if u went to theres they would tell u to go. Thats not right. I do think u should tell ur mum this. Im not saying no contact at all but only if they decide to come round.

    Im glad to know that this coward is behind bars or getting some sort of punishment for what hes done. Shouldnt get away with what hes done and its good that u dont want others having to go through what u did.

    Dont let him come inbetween u and the rest of the family. Your grandparents will soon realise the truth. Concentre on urself and get better then thinking about anything else right now. Your seeing the doctor, ur on medication now. Maybe think about getting conselling two. Also if u want someone to talk to u can contact the smartians who are there to help.

    Good Luck and Take Care xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Grandparents reckon that because they saw my nephew vaguely the other day, they're going to bring him a toy today. It's making me feel kinda jealous - he's my nephew, he loves me and not them, and he's the only thing none of them have destroyed yet. I don't want them to buy his love and then let him down because they will, they'll let him down if they start wanting to get to know him. It's making me feel really sad at the same time and I don't know exactly why. I just don't want them to feel they have any right. They know nothing about him and I hate that they suddenly want to try because they don't deserve to know him at all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Urgh, grandparents have TOLD mum that they're coming today just because younger cousin wants to see my nephew. I am not in the mood for this at all. I cannot handle them. This is where they don't talk to me and make it obvious that they think I'm the one in the wrong - that he's perfect.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Urgh, grandparents have TOLD mum that they're coming today just because younger cousin wants to see my nephew. I am not in the mood for this at all. I cannot handle them. This is where they don't talk to me and make it obvious that they think I'm the one in the wrong - that he's perfect.

    Hi butterfly,

    Sorry to hear that you've got to face a difficult day today. Let us know how you're getting on and remember, you are not in the wrong.

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not great but they've gone at least. It's pretty shitty because nanna especially makes it so obvious that I'm basically dead to her. It's stupid but it feels so raw.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nanna and grandad have driven down to where I live this evening to post some birthday cards.

    Okay, so why did you not tell anyone or even bother trying to come in and say hi to any of us?

    Also, I know you hate me and I can live with that - so gosh knows why you're wasting your time with birthday cards when it's fake.

    I know I sound completely ungrateful but I guess nobody could truly understand.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay so they did the whole post cards and drive away thing yesterday. Turns out they actually don't know how old I am. Seriously, what more proof do I need to really know they don't give a crap about me? They're my grandparents by blood. They should just know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi butterfly123,

    Sorry to hear how upset this has made you. Your feelings are completely justified - if they usually ignore you or when you see them make you feel bad, it's natural that you would feel confused and frustrated by this birthday card gesture - and it doesn't make you ungrateful to express those feelings. Them just dropping it off and not passing by must hurt even though you know things aren't good between you all :no:

    What does your mum think of this? Have you spoken to them about the card since?

    Hugs for you and happy birthday if it was your birthday! :heart:*hug*

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm SO pissed off. We got NO text whatsoever to warn us they were coming, suddenly someone just walked into my house without knocking - it was grandad, nanna didn't even bother to get out of the car, it was all this happen that happened - no how are you all or whatever. They dropped something off for my nephew. Like what the actual fuck!? you've no fucking right to even act like you give a shit about MY gorgeous nephew. You're basically nothing to him and that's your fault. Don't walk into MY house, and don't act like everything is amazing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm absolutely fucking fuming. I knew they would let mum down again. That's it, I'm so done with saying fuck all to them. They deserve to hear some home truths.
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi Butterfly,

    How are you feeling today?

    Yesterday it sounds like you were really angry. That sounds really tough for you to have to deal with. What was it that happened, how did they let you mum down?

    It's really positive that you've posted about how you've been feeling, it seems like things have been really hard for you. Have you thought about what you'd like to say?

    Let us know how you're getting on *hug*

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