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sex / relationship with someone a bit older

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi guys,

I'm a 16 year old girl, (17 soon in September) and I've met this really lovely guy I like through work. This guy turned 21 this year, and I just wanted to ask, hypothetically if we were to get together, and at some point have sex etc would their be any implications? And what are your thoughts on the whole 17 / 21 age gap. Personally I don't feel it'd be an issue at all, as I don't feel pressured or anything like that. To be honest I'm really not concerned about the whole age thing in the eyes of the law. But of course, because I'm under 18 and he is over people sometimes see it as a bit dodgy. So just wondering your opinions, I'd be happy with it, what about you guys?
Thanks :)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Welcome to thesite! :)

    What do your parents say? I hope you have asked your Mum as she is more likely to give you a very honest opinion. Mothers know best; they have seen it all before. Now, before you start bristling, ask yourself why this guy wants to date you when he could so easily date women his own age. Pressurized or not, he's after a bit of skirt and you, being 16 and sweet, ticks all his boxes. Very nice I expect he thinks, smugly to himself.

    While the age gap isn't enormously wide, your outlook on life is a lot different than someone at 21 and your interests may vary, too. Only there is one direction your relationship is eventually going to go, and that will be his bed. Talk to Mum about contraception. She will advise.

    I've been in your shoes dating a much older guy. All was sweet and lovely for a time. Then he began looking more interestedly at other women. I was very badly hurt.

    I'm 25 now and not in any more relationships. I am legal guardian to a young girl I'm mentoring. She's like the sister I never had, or the daughter I've always wanted. She's a terrific girl and best of all, she listens to me.

    Just be careful, okay? Don't assume this guy will be with you in a year's time. Life rarely works that way.

    Poppi Georgina
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your comment! Yes, I have spoken to my mum about it and she seems fine with it. Also, as it would not be my first time I already know about using contraception and will bare that in mind if anything were to happen. I definitely understand what you're saying, and it's good to hear different peoples opinions and experiences with similar situations. As you said, who knows what'll happen in a years time, and I as well as you realise that, in all honesty, it's unlikely that we would be together as he may become interested in other women. I think you're completely right, but also think it might just be because he likes spending time together and enjoys being with me, other than just wanting to get into my pants. I think one of the reasons he wants to go out with me is because he just hasn't found someone his own age, he doesn't see me as someone younger than him, vulnerable and easy to get with, but just as someone to enjoy life with - for however long it may be. But we'll see what happens I suppose, and I will be careful.
    Thanks for your help :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mk1 wrote: »
    Thanks for your comment! Yes, I have spoken to my mum about it and she seems fine with it. Also, as it would not be my first time I already know about using contraception and will bare that in mind if anything were to happen. I definitely understand what you're saying, and it's good to hear different peoples opinions and experiences with similar situations. As you said, who knows what'll happen in a years time, and I as well as you realise that, in all honesty, it's unlikely that we would be together as he may become interested in other women. I think you're completely right, but also think it might just be because he likes spending time together and enjoys being with me, other than just wanting to get into my pants. I think one of the reasons he wants to go out with me is because he just hasn't found someone his own age, he doesn't see me as someone younger than him, vulnerable and easy to get with, but just as someone to enjoy life with - for however long it may be. But we'll see what happens I suppose, and I will be careful.
    Thanks for your help :)

    You're welcome and I thank you. Just be careful and not get hurt. For all his intentions and not having yet found a girlfriend, eventually you will be the one to get hurt when he leaves.

    I'm so relieved knowing your Mum is being supportive, that's such good news and good that you asked first. Keep communications up, listen to her.
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    Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Hey mk1, I just wanted to say that I think it's really good that you're asking, and listening to other people's advice - that can be hard to do when you like someone! It sounds like you're aware of the possible issues, and while getting hurt is always a risk when you get involved with someone, it's can help a lot to go in with your eyes open.

    It sounds like it could be really good in this situation (and I think in all relationships), to involve friends or family in what's going on and how you're feeling. Friends often pick up warning signs before we do, so they can be a really good guide. And, not forgetting the positive, it's nice talking about someone you like that likes you too :)
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