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Nowhere to Live Questioning the Will to Live
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Woah so this is gonna be a long one...
My relationship of 5 years ended this January.. I had been living with my boyfriend (and his mum) for a few years and obviously had to leave immediately. I came back to my mother's - an already overcrowded house occupied by my 3 teenage siblings, my mum and her bf. This is the place where my ED and depression started, since I moved away things got better but being back has triggered all of my symptoms. The situation is terrible - we live hand to mouth, off meters and there is a lot of anti-social behaviour. My ADHD 17 year old brother smokes weed all day long and rules the house through fear. There are numerous arguments and we're all on top of each other.
When I first moved back, I didn't think I'd be here for this long (nearly six months), as soon as I was back I found a private rental flat that I thought would be available very soon. Its two bed and I was supposed to be moving in with a friend. However.. the current tenants of the flat have had trouble with buying their house and the solicitors seem to be taking their sweet time working on the exchanging. My friend bailed on me.. which has made me prospectively pay the full £550 a month rather than the cool £275.. annoying but I can manage it. The deal really is too good to miss, because we are extended friends of the landlord we don't have to pay a deposit and bills are included.
I've been in touch with the council but I think my chances are slim - because I lived 10 miles out of the district for a few years that counts against me. But I may be able to get housing on account on my mental health. I can't afford the deposit, referencing fees and rent for a property advertised on through agents so I feel as if my only hope is to wait it for this flat and try not to kill myself in the meantime whilst I'm stuck living with my family.
I have phoned Shelter and they said pretty much the same thing- except I may be able to declare myself homeless. Though even THAT is foggy because apparently leaving the home of an ex boyfriend after a breakup is counted as making yourself voluntarily homeless?!?! If I declare myself homeless they'll more than likely put me in this horrible place called 'the lodge' which is filled with excons and shady characters. Somewhere I wouldn't find safe while I wait to be placed.
I really do not know what to do
My relationship of 5 years ended this January.. I had been living with my boyfriend (and his mum) for a few years and obviously had to leave immediately. I came back to my mother's - an already overcrowded house occupied by my 3 teenage siblings, my mum and her bf. This is the place where my ED and depression started, since I moved away things got better but being back has triggered all of my symptoms. The situation is terrible - we live hand to mouth, off meters and there is a lot of anti-social behaviour. My ADHD 17 year old brother smokes weed all day long and rules the house through fear. There are numerous arguments and we're all on top of each other.
When I first moved back, I didn't think I'd be here for this long (nearly six months), as soon as I was back I found a private rental flat that I thought would be available very soon. Its two bed and I was supposed to be moving in with a friend. However.. the current tenants of the flat have had trouble with buying their house and the solicitors seem to be taking their sweet time working on the exchanging. My friend bailed on me.. which has made me prospectively pay the full £550 a month rather than the cool £275.. annoying but I can manage it. The deal really is too good to miss, because we are extended friends of the landlord we don't have to pay a deposit and bills are included.
I've been in touch with the council but I think my chances are slim - because I lived 10 miles out of the district for a few years that counts against me. But I may be able to get housing on account on my mental health. I can't afford the deposit, referencing fees and rent for a property advertised on through agents so I feel as if my only hope is to wait it for this flat and try not to kill myself in the meantime whilst I'm stuck living with my family.
I have phoned Shelter and they said pretty much the same thing- except I may be able to declare myself homeless. Though even THAT is foggy because apparently leaving the home of an ex boyfriend after a breakup is counted as making yourself voluntarily homeless?!?! If I declare myself homeless they'll more than likely put me in this horrible place called 'the lodge' which is filled with excons and shady characters. Somewhere I wouldn't find safe while I wait to be placed.
I really do not know what to do
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Comments
I'm not sure if it will help, but getting a supporting letter from a doctor, CPN, or member of the mental health team may help speed things up, also your mum may be able to do a letter saying you can't stay at hers due to the stress. If she's not keen to write anything, maybe you could write it and she could just sign it. Citizens Advice May be able to put you in touch with YMCA if you have one near, or do you have any sort of respite care for mental health patients, my ex used to check in to our local centre when things got to much. It gave us both time and space.
Hang in there, every day you get through is another day nearer to having your own little slice of heaven!. When you're overwhelmed, daydream about your brighter, happier future!
Hope the landlord finds you a place really soon x
Best of luck
Thank you Neat
I haven't heard much more about the private rental flat - just that they think "it's going to be soon". I don't hold much hope for the council because I spoke to them and sent them all the documents they needed but I haven't heard back. I think they are trying to get out of their duty to house me on the basis that I was just a few miles out of the area for a little while - I still have strong connections here. My mum lives here etc etc and I've lived here all my life prior to that.
My doctor knows the situation and I am on antidepressants. I have one two amazing friends who I can talk to and very occasionally stay at. I'm not sure we have much in the way of respite care but the good news is that I am going travelling for a few weeks soon so I can get away from all the aggro here.
In the meantime I will carry on dreaming of the day I finally get my place. Thank you so much for replying to this thread, for your support and kindness. X