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Death

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
(if i posted something similar about this b4 now im sorry...i cant remember if i did or not b/c of the sh*t in my life at the minute. sorry)

hi
over the last 6years ive had huge troubles at home. i would consider myself a strong person and i dont let alot of things bother me. however, this trouble at home has really got to me. the actual problem doesnt bother me at all...what bothers me the fact that it doesnt bother me (if u understand that!!).

ive had MAJOR trouble at school....physical and verbal abuse for 10years with NO friends to turn to for help. my family dont know what happens at school...i dont feel like i can talk to them at all...which is even more depressing. my ex really hurt me and abused me quite badly...no one knows about him (except 2people) b/c he told me to keep our relationship secret.

over the last 2years everything has got on top of me and b/c i cant talk to anyone at all, i find the best way to deal with it is to keep it bottle up inside and up to now its worked.

anyway to cut a long story short...... over the last few months i have tried to kill myself 8times. only 1 person knows the exact total of how many times ive tried it. i have not got a life anymore b/c EVERY DAY my life gets worse and i think about ending my life more and more. i really need some help...has anyone else ever thought like this (this bad)? i cant talk to anyone and if i dont talk to someone soon im gonna suceed in my attempted suicide.

can anyone give me some advice on what to do? i cant see a councilor or anything like that.

PLEASE HELP ME OR IM GONNA COMPLETELY CRACK!!!!!!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by QuickStar
    (.has anyone else ever thought like this (this bad)?


    Yep. Plenty of us have. Is there any reason you are unwilling to speak to a counscellor? At times like this you really don't have anything to lose, do you?
    Other people can listen, but they can't always be impartial or offer practical advice. I know that it is hard to believe that people have felt as bad as you have right now and carried on, but they have. I understand how bad you feel, I really do, but I'm a huge advocate for helping yourself - please go and see your GP and tell him/her what you have told us.
    Talking about things can really help, you know the saying about 'no pain, no gain?' Well, it'll hurt. It'll hurt a lot, but at the moment you are going through it all in your head, having all the pain and not getting anywhere at the end of it.
    I'm sure I don't need to say this, but suicide is never the answer. I never really believed it but one thing someone once said to me - 'Not killing yourself now leaves you free to do it at a later date'
    It may sound quite defeatist, but there is nothing to stop you trying to help yourself right now. You have to be open to the possibility that things can get better.
    If you really need someone to talk to, I'm willing to listen, but please consider seeking professional help. Even if it is just to have someone to yell at. That's always fun.
    Take care of yourself.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really feel for you after reading your story Quickstar. It sounds as you've had a pretty hard time, but every problem has a solution so please don't give up. You've taken the first (and bravest) step towards finding that solution by coming on here and talking to us.

    Miss Quoted has already said many of the things I would have done myself, the key point is to talk this thing through. We all sometimes find it hard to discuss difficult issues, especially if they are personal ones. But believe me you will feel so much happier and more relieved once you have done this. I've been there and it worked for me!

    You mention the abuse you have suffered at school, and no one should have to go through that. The same applies to your ex, if he is trying to cover his guilt for the things he has done by asking you to keep quiet. Is there a member of staff to whom you could chat in confidence, a head of year or a medical officer even? If so, please do so. If you are afraid to arrange this in person, you could always do so by phone.

    I'm sure you're a lovely person underneath those problems, if you want to PM me for a chat then you're welcome to do so okay? Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

    Take care x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Death
    Originally posted by QuickStar
    (if i posted something similar about this b4 now im sorry...i cant remember if i did or not b/c of the sh*t in my life at the minute. sorry)

    hi
    over the last 6years ive had huge troubles at home. i would consider myself a strong person and i dont let alot of things bother me. however, this trouble at home has really got to me. the actual problem doesnt bother me at all...what bothers me the fact that it doesnt bother me (if u understand that!!).

    ive had MAJOR trouble at school....physical and verbal abuse for 10years with NO friends to turn to for help. my family dont know what happens at school...i dont feel like i can talk to them at all...which is even more depressing. my ex really hurt me and abused me quite badly...no one knows about him (except 2people) b/c he told me to keep our relationship secret.

    over the last 2years everything has got on top of me and b/c i cant talk to anyone at all, i find the best way to deal with it is to keep it bottle up inside and up to now its worked.

    anyway to cut a long story short...... over the last few months i have tried to kill myself 8times. only 1 person knows the exact total of how many times ive tried it. i have not got a life anymore b/c EVERY DAY my life gets worse and i think about ending my life more and more. i really need some help...has anyone else ever thought like this (this bad)? i cant talk to anyone and if i dont talk to someone soon im gonna suceed in my attempted suicide.

    can anyone give me some advice on what to do? i cant see a councilor or anything like that.

    PLEASE HELP ME OR IM GONNA COMPLETELY CRACK!!!!!!

    Dont despair my friend, for there is always hope. Life changes and things get better. I've been where you are. There are lots of understanding, warm-hearted people on this site who you can talk to. If you want to off-load your feelings anytime, you're very welcome to add me to your msn messenger list and I'll do my best to be as helpful as possible. Im sure lots of other siters will offer you the same.

    Id also recommend the msn communities, search for private hell for example. Any time you feel like you don't want to live no more, surf a community. I can guarentee you'll make lots of friends!

    Good Luck and keep your chin up

    remember, the light at the end of the tunnel may be temporarily switched off due to power failure, but there's an engineer on his/her way to switch it back on for you
    :D
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hon you MUST talk to someone. I can relate to way you feel that you can't talk to anyone. I've been there. Just seems no-one can help? Think people will laugh at your problems or not take them seriously? You feel you're responsible for sorting it all out? I've been there and more than likely will be again. From my first psychotic incident, 9 years ago, till today, talking helps.

    I'm not gonna lay the heavy stuff on you about suicide because that'll just put you on a guilt trip. But i've tried several times to kill myself. Two things that have happened due to overdoses. I've fucked my eyes up through a paracetamol overdose, and fucked my stomach lining up through an aspirin overdose, very difficult for me to take pills without puking. As i'm HIV+ that's gonna be a real problem when i start triple therapy!

    So where can you get help? Do you have a good relationship with your GP? Some are good at mental health some crap, but she/he should be your first stop. Are you at school? Is there anyone like a school counsellor there? There are also plenty of helplines some free so they dont show up on the phone bill. I don't know any, but if someone or a mod could put in a link, that'd be good:)

    Like i said to Mad Hatter, this is something you CAN get through. I know your heads gone a bit wonky now, but you've got through so much already. Please get some help, if not for me, or yourself then for a friend. The world is a better place with you in it hon.

    Please let us all know how it's going and stay in touch.

    Take Care

    KevvyXxX
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You said that you're a strong person and reading your post I have to say you are so much stronger than I thought anyone could be... you have been through so much and got through (albeit not too good) but giving up now isnt the answer.

    I know how you feel about seeing a counciller. For years I have been urged to see one and only after about 5 months of being diagnosed with depression did I have the guts to make an appointment. But I cancelled it at the last minute because I couldnt go through with it. The only thing I can recommend (from personal experience) is having SOMEONE to talk to... be it someone you dont know all that well but feel you can trust or someone you have been close to for a long time. As it turned out the only person I could talk to was someone I had only met recently and it did help alot.

    I really hope that things get better for you. I know what it's like to have no hope. And even though I'm a bit better now I still have times where death seems so tempting... but I have had a glimpse of what its like to be happy. And its worth sticking around for. Promise
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you tried seeing a different GP? Sometimes a different approach by a different person can help. Also, if you do go to the GP about it, write a list of what you want to talk to them about/ questions you want to ask. Sorry i can't help more, but i completely agree with what everyone else says - you need to talk to someone, and quickly. I hope things get better for you babe, and we're all here if you need someone to talk to, ok? S. x x x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kathryn, there was a post in anything goes and there is also one in announcements entitled 'logging in as someone else' which is basically what happened here.
    I think most of us knew that it wasn't you, what with your ability to spell and all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by QuickStar
    i dont have a good relationship with my GP. i dont know what it is but as soon as i start talking about my problems to anyone my mind goes blank and i clam up.

    Go to a different GP at the surgery, and write things down before you go. Or print this page off and show it to the doctor, it will give them a very good idea of what's going on.

    You can call the Samaritans any time too:
    Samaritans
    Confidential help for anyone who is suicidal or despairing.
    Telephone: 08457 909090
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