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Things You Never Say To A Cop ~~ !

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP...
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Cultural Differences Explained
    AUSSIES: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
    CANADIANS: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
    AMERICANS: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
    BRITS: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

    AUSSIES: Believe you should look out for your mates.
    BRITS: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
    AMERICANS: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
    CANADIANS: Believe that that's the government's job.

    AUSSIES: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
    AMERICANS: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
    CANADIANS: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
    BRITS: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

    AMERICANS: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
    CANADIANS: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
    BRITS: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
    AUSSIES: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

    AMERICANS: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
    BRITS: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
    CANADIANS: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
    AUSSIES: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

    AMERICANS: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
    BRITS: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
    CANADIANS: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
    AUSSIES: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

    BRITS: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
    AUSSIES: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
    AMERICANS: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
    CANADIANS: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

    AMERICANS: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
    CANADIANS: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
    BRITS: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
    AUSSIES: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

    AMERICANS: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
    CANADIANS: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
    BRITS: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
    AUSSIES: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

    <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Diesel:
    <STRONG>

    AMERICANS: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
    BRITS: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
    CANADIANS: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
    AUSSIES: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid. </STRONG>

    I used to love racing in Canada, because Canadian girls were wild, crazy, and would do ANYTHING! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Then I spent a winter (their summer) racing down in Australia, and found that Aussie girls would tackle you, throw you down, and FORCE you to do EVERYTHING! <IMG SRC="eek.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Ah always did mah bestest ta further FOREUGN RELATIONS! <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's football, not soccer. And the "tax" (Tv licence) is only for 2 channels.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by PussyKatty:
    <STRONG>It's football, not soccer. And the "tax" (Tv licence) is only for 2 channels.</STRONG>

    lol, whatever...i thought that was quite funny.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I...dishliiike ya *burp* makshing us Ausshish out ta be drunkkkken foolsh. <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    But rather funny <IMG SRC="smile.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    AMERICANS: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
    BRITS: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

    How very very true...

    And we have 5 channels now <IMG SRC="tongue.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    (Don't tell them how bad the fifth one is)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think we need to add a category for coffee! <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    AMERICANS: Drink brown water and call it "coffee"
    CANADIANS: Drink coffee so strong a teaspoon will stand up in it ("real coffee")
    BRITS: Don't drink coffee. They drink tea.
    AUSSIES: How do you take your coffee?? I don't know!

    <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Boringly. Milk, sugar optional. But it's real coffee!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Scarlett:
    <STRONG>I think we need to add a category for coffee! <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    AMERICANS: Drink brown water and call it "coffee"
    CANADIANS: Drink coffee so strong a teaspoon will stand up in it ("real coffee")
    BRITS: Don't drink coffee. They drink tea.
    AUSSIES: How do you take your coffee?? I don't know!

    <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"></STRONG>

    Brown (real) coffee = Mud <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Between our Canadian dish and ATT Cable we get about 300 chanels...and drink LOTS of Kenya COFFEE! Da good stuff! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> Still...all in all I can only watch one chanel at a time!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Diesel:
    <STRONG>Between our Canadian dish and ATT Cable we get about 300 chanels...and drink LOTS of Kenya COFFEE! Da good stuff! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"> Still...all in all I can only watch one chanel at a time!</STRONG>

    Yeah, but out of 300 channels how often do you ever watch something that didn't leave you thinking "that was shit" when it has finished?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's the beauty of 300 channels, Whowhere--you could watch something you like 24/7. For example, you could watch The Simpsons for 24 hrs... it could fairly be described as "shit".. but it's funny shit! <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">

    Just for the record (any Canucks will know what I'm on about) there are 5 Tim Hortons in the town I grew up in (20 000 people). That's one per 4000 people. That is, of course, discounting all other coffeeshops that don't do coffee nearly as well as Tim's. <IMG SRC="wink.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do have a cow...indeed, have this cow!
    http://www.bestcreatives.com/MadCow.html
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Bill Gates died and went before God.
    "Bill, you've done some good things and some not so good things. I'm undecided about your eternity, my child, so I shall leave it up to you: will it be heaven or will it be hell?

    Looking uncertain about it himself, God thought it would be fair to let Bill spend a day in both Heaven and Hell so he could be sure... after all, it is his eternity.

    So for the first day, he was placed in Heaven where he sprouted soft angel wings and floated through the fluffy clouds while playing a joyous melody on his harp and smiling down upon his earthly loved ones.

    On the second day, he was given his bathing trunks and placed in Hell where he laid on a breathtaking beach, sipping delicious pina coladas and gazing upon the bronzed beauties clad only in string bikinis.

    Bright and early on the third day, God met him at the Pearly Gates... "Well, have you come to a decision?" Excitedly, Bill replied, "oh yes, God... I'll take Hell!"

    And ZAP! ... off to Hell he went in a flash!

    Much to his horrific surprise, he found himself instantly hanging torturously by his wrists from a hard wall in a deep dark pit and sweating profusely from the scorching heat of the massive burning flames before him!

    Thinking this must be some sort of mistake, he anxiously called up to the Heavens, "God, oh God... this isn't the right place! Where is that breathtaking beach? Where are the delicious pina coladas? Where are all the beauties clad in only string bikinis?"

    Up from above, a deep voice was heard, chuckling.... "Ahhhh Bill, that was just the screen saver!"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    (Aussie joke..)

    Two Westie Chicks walk into a David Jones store, they walk up to
    the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
    Shazza sprays it on her wrist and smells it:

    "That's quite nice innit, don't you fink Cheryl?"

    "Yeah, what's it called?"

    "Viens a moi"

    "VIENS A MOI, what the fuck does that mean?

    At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies is French for "Come to me".

    Shazza takes another sniff and offers her arm to Cheryl, again
    saying:

    "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to
    you?"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Diesel:
    <STRONG>Cultural Differences Explained

    AMERICANS: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

    never known anybody who wanted be mistaken for a canadian

    AMERICANS: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.

    can't argue with that one

    AMERICANS: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.

    i honestly resent that statement, there are only a few americans who are like that, that is the surface structure of our concieted nation, look underneath and you will see the truth

    AMERICANS: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.

    only if you are too ignorant or lazy to do anything with your life

    AMERICANS: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.

    i will agree with that the majority of us do that one

    AMERICANS: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".

    english is hardly called english here, the majority of people, intelegent or ignorant call it american, not because because they are pompus bastards but because the slang is so different from other english

    AMERICANS: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

    only the teens and trailer park peoples

    AMERICANS: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.

    totally agreeing with that one

    AMERICANS: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.

    not all of us

    <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon"></STRONG>


    as anti-patrotic as i am, i still think that we shouldn't be looked at as the scum of the earth, just see us equally as anybody else that walks this planet

    [ 29-05-2002: Message edited by: my_name ]
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Heaven is when you have:
    a.. A British salary;
    b.. An American home;
    c.. Chinese food;
    d.. A German car; and
    e.. A South African wife

    Hell is when you have:
    a.. An American car;
    b.. A British wife;
    c.. A Chinese home;
    d.. German food; and
    e.. A South African salary.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lil_kazzy:
    <STRONG>Heaven is when you have:
    a.. A British salary;
    b.. An American home;
    c.. Chinese food;
    d.. A German car; and
    e.. A South African wife

    Hell is when you have:
    a.. An American car;
    b.. A British wife;
    c.. A Chinese home;
    d.. German food; and
    e.. A South African salary.....</STRONG>

    LOL! Very cute.

    <IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0" ALT="icon">
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

    The priest asks, "Is that you, little Jimmy O'Reilly?"

    "Yes, Father, it is."

    "And who was the woman you were with?"

    "Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her
    reputation."

    "Well, Jimmy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell
    me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

    "I cannot say."

    "Was it Patricia Kelly?"

    "I'll never tell."

    "Was it Liz Shannon?"

    "I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

    "Was it Maryann Morgan?"

    "My lips are sealed."

    "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

    "Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
    The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Jimmy O'Reilly,
    and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend
    church for three months. Be off with you now."

    Jimmy walks back to his pew. His friend Tommy slides over and whispers,
    "What'd you get?"

    "Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Jimmy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lil_kazzy
    Heaven is when you have:
    a.. A British salary;
    b.. An American home;
    c.. Chinese food;
    d.. A German car; and
    e.. A South African wife

    Hell is when you have:
    a.. An American car;
    b.. A British wife;
    c.. A Chinese home;
    d.. German food; and
    e.. A South African salary.....

    In a similar vain...

    Canadians, the poor buggers, could have had British-style government, French culture and American know-how. Instead, they ended out with British know-how, American culture and French-style government. :D :rolleyes:
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