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Crippling Loneliness - who understands?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello - signing up to this place is something I never dreamed of doing, ever. But here I am. I would like to speak with someone who may emphasise with the pains of being lonely (etc.), and of all the torturous rubbish that comes with such a predicament. Anyone else in their mid-twenties and socially cut-off, either because they don't follow the herd mentality of what most people consider is 'being cool' these days, or because they're constantly ignored or left behind simply because they're too deep or real as a human? Does anyone know what I mean when I say that all of this is but the tip of such an enormous iceberg?
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I certainly can emphasise with you here; I think the best phrase that can be used to summise is 'trying to fit a square peg in a round hole'.
You mentioned crippling loneliness in the thread title; how is it affecting you? and have you talked to anyone about it?
Blue Skies,
K
The power of lots of little problems can be greater than just one 'big' problem. Nothing is trivial here, everybody is different and different things affect different people differently. The portrayal of laziness/aloofness may merely by a defensive strategy to make little of your problems.
Is there anything in particular that you don't like about the 'rest of the crowd' or have you tried seeking friends/accomplices in new environments? Like trying new venues such as swapping a pub visit (assuming you visit pubs) for an arts gallery (or what ever happens to tickle your interests)?
You have recognised that your talent is not giving as much satisfaction as previously; what do you think you can do to change this?
My own story is a heavily guarded secret (except for snippets that can be seen through some of my poems/posts I posted here); but in brief you could say I have experienced life events that some regard as traumatic, and by keeping it a secret (even from dearest mother) I have isolated myself.
A coping strategy I developed much like yourself was to throw myself into study and work; doing what I enjoy. Another I have is participating in a particular extreme sport; the community is relatively small (about 9000 in the UK) and by far it has been the most welcoming I have ever experienced; they do not care for your age, size/weight, gender, sexuality, education, socio-eco background, colour or creed. In this sport there are lots of 'social square pegs' and that has been good for my introvertedness and social awkwardness.
Oh and I find random act of kindness helps; i.e at the weekend I was delivering a training package to a youth organisation in my preferred extreme sport and during lesson break I seen somebody I haven't seen at the club before so I bought an extra coffee and took it over to them and started chatting. It makes me feel less lonely and brightens up other peoples days.
I did not mean to pry into your story; I doubt anyone truly scarred these days reveals even a tenth of their story on this type of domain. What you say about the defensive strategy one makes to lessen their problems is very well said, I agree. But I think that only those in this type of situation know this; outside the bubble, even the closest loved ones have to grapple with the fact that it's not apathy, but such a deep pool of black turmoil in which occasional drowning is almost inviting.
You say that you have isolated yourself. In a way, I too. I emphasise with your form of masking this isolation in helping others, with the dual role that it sporadically makes you feel less lonely. Though, have you come across someone yet who recognises these symptoms in you? Who may have the potential in slowly scraping away your Iron Curtain so to speak? I only ask because I always hope to know that another as myself may not always stay isolated, that there are those who do see past our thick walls.
I am glad for you that you have a physical outlet so as to release a bit of this. My own outlet/talent needs recognition, I think, which is why I am failing to see it myself anymore, as if I've been lying to myself the whole time. I don't know if this is too much, but I would like to suggest a film that I recently discovered: Sparrows Dance (2012). It is for you to judge and see whether it 'ticks' any of your question mark boxes...
I know all of us on the planet can get lonely from time to time and that's normal. That feeling will never really go away but it's how often that becomes a regular thing. Loneliness can be not having any friends, being on ur own, having no one to talk to etc. These all do play apart in our lives somehow.
None of us like being alone which is understandae but do we have to be alone? No we don't cuz the way I see it is there will always be someone who's there for u and maybe being going through a worser time then urself.
As u said BumbleBee we dont necessarily need to follow the crowd because everyone is doing it and its cool. It's good to be different as why do u want to be like everyone else? I know sometimes it can mean we will be judged for it or not liked but as long we are comfortable with ourselves then that's what matters.
When is it that u feel lonely BumbleBee? What do u do to not feel lonely?
Remember that ur not on ur own and were here as we understand. Good to know that u found this place to meet people and get advice.
I hope u get the help u need x
You said u felt like this for a long time. Has anything driven u to feel like this? Maybe u went through a bad time at one point or there was a change in ur life which put ur world up side down? I can see that u may not know how u actually feel either way cuz u cant explain it because most of the time u feel lonely.
I do think it will never go away how u truely feel but it's not to say u can't have a bit of happiness in ur life for example being around people who care and can cheer u up etc. I know ur mood won't be able toreflect that though u know u can let ur hair down sometimes with other people. You dont need to be in a good mood to do that.
Are u able to talk to someone like ur doing right now? I know it's not for everyone and u don't have to do anything u don't want to . I just dont wanna see u upset as ur a good friend of mine on here and I care about u. You can talk to me anytime BumbleBee
Please talk to me if u need to speak to someone.
Hugs xx