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I can't live like this anymore
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I can't take this anymore and I just don't know what to do. I have no other friends or family to talk to so this is my only hope really. I apologise in advance to anyone who chooses to read this, I just, have no idea what to do.
I have multiple chronic physical illnesses that prevent me being able to work, live independently and most days I can't even leave the house. I've never been out on my own without another person. I'm in my early 20s but my body stopped growing when I was about 13. So all that makes this situation harder to solve.
I have a younger sister in her mid teens and we are each others' rock. We are incredibly close and help each other through everything. She even calls me "mum number 2" because she knows I'm here for her anytime allthetime. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. It feels like she's all I have left now.
Our dad has been abusive to us and our mum for as long as I can remember. She's tried to get away or chuck him out many times but it never works. He used to hit me and my sister (my mum didn't know he was, does now), that stopped when I was a teenager but he can still be threatening, aggressive and emotionally abusive. Me and my sister are scared of him. We try to stay out of his way as much as possible. Sometimes he can be nice, but sometimes he's really not. We never know which it'll be. So if he's in a room we'll avoid it, or even avoid going downstairs at all until he goes out or goes to bed. He's very good at seeming like this perfectly nice guy to everyone in the outside world, so nobody ever believes you.
Even though this stuff is not good, I can take it, it's something I can put up with, but recently things have got harder at home. And that's what I can't deal with.
Until this past year my mum had always been my best friend. I've always been there for her and she's always helped me with things, we have been super close and spent most of our time together. It used to be me, my mum and sister against the world. But this past year has been different. Our relationship has completely changed and I don't understand what happened. I'm not sure I even recognise her anymore, her personality has just... changed. Sometimes she is fine and nice and like my mum, but another time she'll suddenly be yelling at me or insulting me and then blaming me for it. And then bitching about me to my dad or my sister. Saying things that aren't completely true. I asked my sister to tell me honestly if I'm doing anything to deserve it, but she is just as confused as me. I'm treated like a kid because of how I look and my illnesses, I've never been given the help to gain my own independence and 'grow up' so I'm very reliant on the help of my mum and sister. Which I absolutely hate.
Also our dad has started making inappropriate comments and doing inappropriate things that are making us feel uncomfortable and nervous. Our mum knows and tells him to stop, but he just laughs and shrugs it off. I think he's only joking but... I don't know. He seems to think because we're both 'of age' making sexual comments, talking about sexual stuff and wearing only underwear around the house is ok. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive or something, idek anymore. What is normal? I just... nothing makes sense.
It's all making me feel so trapped, alone and depressed. I can't take it all living here, but I can't get away. it's not like I can't just get up and leave. I can't even open a bottle of water by myself... besides I have nowhere to go, no money and I can't leave my sister here alone to deal with all this. I'm supposed to protect her. I have protected her and tried to look after her for so long but it's really hard. I just need a break. I need someone to look after me, just for a little while.
I want to move out and take my sister with me, but I know that isn't practical or even legal. Because of her age she'd need our parents permission... which is definitely not going to happen
If anyone has any advice or can direct me to any services that might be able to help, I would be so incredibly grateful. Thank you for reading, I'm sorry it's so long and depressing. I rarely talk about this stuff to anybody, some of this stuff I haven't told anyone, I just really really need some help. Thank you.
I have multiple chronic physical illnesses that prevent me being able to work, live independently and most days I can't even leave the house. I've never been out on my own without another person. I'm in my early 20s but my body stopped growing when I was about 13. So all that makes this situation harder to solve.
I have a younger sister in her mid teens and we are each others' rock. We are incredibly close and help each other through everything. She even calls me "mum number 2" because she knows I'm here for her anytime allthetime. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. It feels like she's all I have left now.
Our dad has been abusive to us and our mum for as long as I can remember. She's tried to get away or chuck him out many times but it never works. He used to hit me and my sister (my mum didn't know he was, does now), that stopped when I was a teenager but he can still be threatening, aggressive and emotionally abusive. Me and my sister are scared of him. We try to stay out of his way as much as possible. Sometimes he can be nice, but sometimes he's really not. We never know which it'll be. So if he's in a room we'll avoid it, or even avoid going downstairs at all until he goes out or goes to bed. He's very good at seeming like this perfectly nice guy to everyone in the outside world, so nobody ever believes you.
Even though this stuff is not good, I can take it, it's something I can put up with, but recently things have got harder at home. And that's what I can't deal with.
Until this past year my mum had always been my best friend. I've always been there for her and she's always helped me with things, we have been super close and spent most of our time together. It used to be me, my mum and sister against the world. But this past year has been different. Our relationship has completely changed and I don't understand what happened. I'm not sure I even recognise her anymore, her personality has just... changed. Sometimes she is fine and nice and like my mum, but another time she'll suddenly be yelling at me or insulting me and then blaming me for it. And then bitching about me to my dad or my sister. Saying things that aren't completely true. I asked my sister to tell me honestly if I'm doing anything to deserve it, but she is just as confused as me. I'm treated like a kid because of how I look and my illnesses, I've never been given the help to gain my own independence and 'grow up' so I'm very reliant on the help of my mum and sister. Which I absolutely hate.
Also our dad has started making inappropriate comments and doing inappropriate things that are making us feel uncomfortable and nervous. Our mum knows and tells him to stop, but he just laughs and shrugs it off. I think he's only joking but... I don't know. He seems to think because we're both 'of age' making sexual comments, talking about sexual stuff and wearing only underwear around the house is ok. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive or something, idek anymore. What is normal? I just... nothing makes sense.
It's all making me feel so trapped, alone and depressed. I can't take it all living here, but I can't get away. it's not like I can't just get up and leave. I can't even open a bottle of water by myself... besides I have nowhere to go, no money and I can't leave my sister here alone to deal with all this. I'm supposed to protect her. I have protected her and tried to look after her for so long but it's really hard. I just need a break. I need someone to look after me, just for a little while.
I want to move out and take my sister with me, but I know that isn't practical or even legal. Because of her age she'd need our parents permission... which is definitely not going to happen
If anyone has any advice or can direct me to any services that might be able to help, I would be so incredibly grateful. Thank you for reading, I'm sorry it's so long and depressing. I rarely talk about this stuff to anybody, some of this stuff I haven't told anyone, I just really really need some help. Thank you.
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Comments
It sounds like you've been going through a really tough time, and it's great that you've reached out for help. TheSite is always here, and you can post as much as you want in complete confidence. There's always someone here who listens and cares.
A useful first point of call for help is Supportline, a helpline you can call anonymously and chat to a trained advisor. Their number is 01708 765200. Here's a link to their website too. http://www.supportline.org.uk/index.php
You may also want to ring Refuge, to chat through your options and what things are like with your father. Again, this is totally anonymous. Their number is 0808 2000 247, and their website is here: http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/
You say you feel alone, and sometimes opening up, even if it's only online can be really helpful. So feel free to get to know our community here. You can post in the 'new user' thread and say 'hi', and have a read of other topics. You're welcome any time.
I hope you find those links helpful
Take care and big hugs
Holly