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shared relationship, half reltionships?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Any one experience of shared/poly amourous relationships?

I'm not into it, but interested as to how these work..if they ever do.

How do people deal with feelings of jealousy, attatchment, just a sexual exchange,intimacy, love, & lust, trust ect, commitment.
Are not shared relationships just half relationships for people who cant do proper comitment ? Or is it like my last boyfriend he was a bit bonkers so I don't think he'll attract someone whos gona stay or he seems to attract bit bonkers women like me!
Can shared relationships work?

My god I find it just too much for me.I feel for me to be loved fully is to be the only one.To be fully present with someone.I don't want to be making love to someone who may be thinking of someone eles they love equaly.
What do you think about boundries, what do these mean to you.
Why does a man need to feel fancied by other women.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right of the bat, I have not dabbed with polyamour relationships myself but I have read a bit about them. First off, what you need to understand is, that love is not like money, that if you share it among more people, everyone gets less. That way, nobody ever should have a second child, because then the first would only receive 50% of the love, because they need to divide their love now between two children. Second of all, issues like jealousy can be overcome. Jealousy is an insecurity problem and a purely negative emotion and some people don't have a problem with that. This certainly can be learned.

    Sexual exchange can happen with all three present or just 1 on 1 in any setup. For the rest, they pretty much work the same way in monogamous relationship just that you are attached/trust/lust after two people.

    There are, as far as I am aware, two main dynamics of polygamous relationships, the T and the V. The T is one couple (the horizontal bar) and a third a bit more at a distance between those two. The V is 2 people date one person, but not each other. And then there surely is the equidistant threeway, but I don't know which letter this represents.

    Sure they work! Countless people have them successfully, but that does not mean they work for everyone. It seems you have troubles with jealousy, so it is a given that you would be opposed to such a relationship. Not everyone has the desire to have them. Also they require a lot and very good communication. Issues should be able to be brought up effortlessly and they should be taken and discussed seriously with calm temper until everyone is satisfied. If one person feels alienated it is the slow death of such an arrangement.

    Also, some people just want to sow their wild oats and have multiple sexual partners but this has nothing to do with polyamory. Some people just have a bit of a harem fantasy, but that is surely not enough to lead a polygamous relationship successfully.

    Hope that helped.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you have more than one friend... Are these not real friendships?

    I know plenty of poly people... I haven't dated more than one person at once, but I have been with people who have been seeing other people at the same time and I'm very open to it if I ever have the time. Everyone experiences jealousy, even in monogamy, but the key is to talk about feelings. Set boundaries (like you do when you're in a monogamous relationship), talk, be kind to each other and ourselves...

    My argument is that I would never want to restrict a partner in their experience. The person I'm seeing now is my equal, I don't control or own her and would leave her if she were controlling to me. If we sit down and say that we want to be exclusive, that we want to set boundaries so we don't have other partners then that's open to negotiation, so long as it's not to do with ownership and more to do with what feels right for us. All relationships have boundaries, some of us work with different ones. Cheating happens when boundaries are not respected, which doesn't have to be based on sex.

    I don't think we should begin with the idea that a person only has enough love for one other person. That's like saying you can only love one of your children, or only have one friend... There are many ways and many things we can love about people. It doesn't make you any less special... But it also means that polyamoury shouldn't be put on a pedestal either, as every individual and what works for us is unique.

    I would love to be in a situation where I had another lover, if health and time were of no concern. I think you probably need a lot of time and energy to keep communicating.

    I don't think wanting to be desired is a male thing, it's nice to be complimented.

    I think too, that some people say they're "poly" to mean sleeping around (which if safe and consensual can be ethical), or to mean dating a few people until they find "the one". I don't think this is the same as a chosen philosophy and approach to romantic relationships. The problem comes when people are controlling, or have lovers themselves and set unfair ad contradictory boundaries. That isn't being poly, it's being unfair.
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