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Between a rock and a hard place?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
MrRiot is moving tomorrow. I came up to his (50+ miles away from where I live) to finish the packing of his flat. I came in and he's done nothing all week, in fact it's in a worse state than when I left it on Monday. I asked him to call me and told him I felt taken advantage of and his response was - well I didn't ask you to do it so go home. I did offer to help him and he accepted the offer so I'm not doing it completely off my own back. He knows I can't do too much because it hurts and I'll be shattered for the rest of the weekend. I've been in tears most of the afternoon because I don't want to go home but at the same time I don't really want to stay. My mum stayed to help a bit but begrudgingly - she's really not happy with what he's done, but I was having a grumble about him and she called him a dickhead (not in jest, as an insult) which I felt was really out of order and asked her to leave before we ended up arguing which we ended up having anyway.

I feel between a rock and a hard place again - yes I have alarm bells going because the fact MrRiot's not wanting to have any kind of conflict and refusing to communicate about difficult matters feels kind of manipulative because I'm trying to be as flexible as I can but I can only do so much so I feel like it's his way or highway. But at the same time I have mum slagging him off and I feel like I'm having to jump to his defence.

And I'm now sat in a cold dark damp flat with tears rolling down my face.

What do I do???? I want to sort this out I'm not ready to give up on it all, but its making me feel awful!


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You really put up with a lot of shit from that guy (been reading some of your previous threads too). I guess dating is not easy for you, because of the disability and stuff so you cling to hope it somehow works out with him, but you endure quite a couple things that others would consider dealbreaker.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could you point out what some of those things might be? The whole incident at his mates wedding did nearly break us tbh, I was very close to walking away. It's got sod all to do with with my disability tbh, I love him and you do put up with shit from people you love and I need to sit down and have a very serious talk with him. Trying to work out the best time and place and how is the key issue.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On the other hand I put with with a massive amount of shit from my mother as well but I can hardly tell her to do one because I still need her support and she is the only family I have.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't even know what this wedding thing is about and this relationship already seems unfulfilling to me. I don't particularly wanna rummage through your post history and pick out things I would not put up with, or at least only reluctantly or only a couple of times, because ultimately it is you who needs to decide what kind of flaws you are willing to accept and I am in no mood having an argument with you where I attack your bf and you picking apart my post and to defend him. If I at least made you think that you should keep a more critical eye on your relationship then it's all good, but really I am not here to break you up because ultimately I don't care enough.

    I am in the lucky position to have a very good relationship with my mother, but it is not unheard of to stop relating with family members if all they bring is grief and upset. But like I said, maybe you are a more patient and benevolent person than I am, but from the outside MrRiot doesn't sound quite like the catch that you dream him to be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wasn't trying to start and argument I was purely asking if you could point things out because I know I forget stuff easily. The relationship on the whole is fairly fulfilling, yes there are areas for improvement though. I do have a fairly critical eye and I'm also aware that hat you guys see on here isn't always the good side because I don't tend to gloat about those bits online, and yes I do grumble about him here a fair amount - I don't have many friends IRL that I have that kind of relationship with.

    With my mother - I have had periods of time where I haven't spoken to her and I find myself in situations where I need her or want to be able to share something with her and its a horrible when I can't do that. We are the only family each other have and tbh I know I'm not the perfect daughter (nor do I ever intend to be) but I can and should improve a little. I'm looking into family counselling to see if we can move onward with this. I'm not sure what else can be done with it that one right now.
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