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Struggling with the urge to self harm
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I need to cut, I want intense burning pain, but I fucking can't right now and I hate it. What else can I do? Nothing. Fuck sake.
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What's making you feel like you want to cut?
I'm starting to fucking cry as I'm typing this -_- I would have thought by now that I have nothing left to cry, or I'd quite like if the exhaustion of it helped me to drift off but that's not that case either.
Need to get this shit out of my head but I don't even know where to start. I just want to do what I want to do, anything, but nothing is ever that easy and it's so hard mixing real life with what I know
I lack nearly all motivation right now. It's like all of the stuff in my head, and my crappy feelings, are replacing something I need one by one.
I'm just moaning though because I can.
I'm not at all a great support, you may think otherwise but you're wrong.
You haven't upset me, sorry, I just meant that you keep replying even though I snap every time.
Sometimes we all need someone to take it out on and if that's me then so be it. I know your not a nasty person and this is just your emotions talking so I honestly don't mind
I always tried to tell myself that I'm a good auntie, he clearly loves me a lot so I must be doing something right... I'm not a good auntie though, not at all. I feel like he should be more than enough to change how I've been feeling but how I'm feeling hasn't changed, it's like I'm saying he's not enough. I love him, I really do, but then I clearly have the worse way of showing that when he's not here.
Cutting has become a much more often "coping" mechanism for me. I love it when I'm doing it/have done it but then that specific bunch of cuts start healing and they're ugly. I've got so many more recent scars that just look so.. out of place I guess. Maybe I'm comparing it to my scars from the past which I've always loved. I've gone from neat scars that I love to three different messy bunches of red scars that I literally hate, and that's just my left arm, so then I get more angry with myself. I want to cut though, it's what I do and I like the huge change of feeling I get when I cut, but that feeling doesn't last long.
Everything is a jumble it seems like I can't release any of it from my head so it's like the crying takes control of me thinking that's going to work but it doesn't. I don't like crying but I can't control the tears. So then I want to cry again.
I don't even know what to say. Fuck sake.
Here for you
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
I need and deserve physical pain but I really can't find the energy to do anything. I'm just here, I'm just breathing, letting all of this silently destroy me but not at all showing it but it's because I have no energy left, no fight left, so there's nothing I can do apart from stay here and feel it happening, see it happening. It's like I'm watching a movie, I'm watching someone else fall apart but at the same time I'm feeling exactly the same feelings as they would be.
Things sound very difficult for you at the minute, I am glad you are able to use this thread to get your thoughts/feelings out.
We are all here for you.
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" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "