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Pregnancy and Partner

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello guys,

So I've had to think so much about this. Apologies if it doesn't make sense.

So I've split up with my partner because his anger was getting out of hand and I could see the next time he got angry could be violent, physically. So I split up with him and moved back with my family.

I'm 3 months pregnant and I don't want him having ANYTHING to do with the baby. I've already decided it's having my last name and I don't really want him on the birth certificate.

I know he won't be a good dad for how he was when I was pregnant anyway! I don't want him involved for the safety of my child but I don't know if I'm being cruel or not?

Obviously I'd happily go to court if that was the case but I want what's best for my little pickle - and having my Ex around is not what is best - however I would NEVER stop the baby seeing him (older etc) if he/she wanted to but I'd have to supervise as I don't trust him one bit. Help?!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does he even want visiting rights/shared custody? You should check that first. If he does, he has his right to, then there is no other way than the legal way.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Course but I'd tell the court if it came to that, that he's only seeing it if it's at a contact centre where there's people that can see what I'm on about!

    Sorry if it sounds like I'm having ago I'm not just nary with everything atm


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have to do what you think is best for you and the baby.

    You mention his anger getting out of control - if this was me, I wouldn't want someone like that around my baby.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    His anger is terrible, it got to the point where I thought he was going to hit me (and being abused by the dad for a few years) I felt safer sitting in the room with my dad before he walked out.

    He's controlling and hates dong anything.


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think this is a tough one because people would argue about him having rights to see the baby etc. However if you have real concerns about him being near the baby then the only way to settle it, legally, would be go through the court system. I'm not saying it would be easy because it wouldn't. Has he said he wants to be involved in the baby's life?

    Don't forget I'm only ever a message away if you ever need to talk
    X

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Legally he has to be on the birth certificate even if you dont want him to be and i totally agree with your reasons!x
  • BubblesGoesBooBubblesGoesBoo Sunny ScotlandPosts: 3,590 Community Veteran
    Legally he has to be on the birth certificate even if you dont want him to be and i totally agree with your reasons!x

    he doesnt have to be on the birth certificate ... i dont have a 'dad' on my birth certificate...
    ' So I put a bullet where I shouda put a helmet, and I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away, that's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself 'hey, I wanna get better''  
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I read somewhere that legally you do have to,no matter what :/ Idk then x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does he know you're pregnant?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi *sophiepea*,

    Legally, the citizens advice bureau has some help relating to birth certificates and says;
    If the parents are married both have to have their names registered.

    If the parents are not married the following points are important:-

    - the mother does not have to give details of the father on the birth certificate. She can leave that part of the form blank

    - the father cannot register his name unless the mother agrees

    On the personal side, it's up to you. No one can tell you whether you are being "cruel" or not because you are the only one who was in this relationship and the only one who truly knows what happened.

    You seemed to have made the right decision leaving if you felt your ex was being abusive and could become physical. You are clearly very strong and want to protect your child. It's probably worth going to the advice bureau and finding out more about your rights as well as what this all means. Not mentioning the father in the birth certificate might not give him any rights - but at the same time he won't have to pay child support either.

    Good luck and stay safe *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally I think you took a very brave and positive step removing yourself from that situation. If in the future he wants to take an active part in little pea's life then going through a contact centre until he can demonstrate that he's responsible and calm is a sensible thing to do in my eyes. But CAB might be helpful in terms Of legal stuff
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I never married him and I've told him I don't want him on the birth certificate. Yes he knows I'm pregnant and I've told him I only and will only let him see the baby in a contact centre. Which he seems fine with.

    He's not calm at all, we'd argue every day because of something stupid like me not coking him dinner at 10:30 when I hate eating that late and just wanted to relax at that time.

    I think he understands why I'm so protective over little pickle when it's not born yet but in a way he's brought it on himself by showing me what he is really like.

    I really appreciate all of your replies it has helped a lot thank you x


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you spoken to your midwife about it? They might have some helpful support locally to you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No as I moved away back to south and I've had to fill in forms again etc and be referred I won't see her until the 14th September x


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If he's not on the birth certificate, you won't be able to get anything from CSA, even if you want the money or not, it's something you should consider.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    CSA?


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just had a look at the direct gov website and it has nothing about of your ex partner isn't on the birth certificate you can't claim child benefits?

    If so, and if you are correct - what about the people who have one night stands and don't know who the father is and still get CSA?


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can still pursue a case for the father to pay CSA if he isn't on the birth certificate, but that involves having to take paternity tests, which costs money. CSA isn't child benefits, CSA is Child Maintenance, it's completely seperate. It's what the father pays for the child if they're absent/want nothing to do with their baby. It's to cover day to day costs of the child. It's your choice if you want it.

    https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/overview
    http://www.cmoptions.org/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh right. Thanks :)


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Apparently what I was going through with ex was domestic violence and she was proud I got out when I did. She also said she'll had this info paper to the police, hosp, and social services and if I feel threatened by him, or he turns up etc - even at delivery suite the police will remove him and he could sacrifice anything. So feel a bit calmer now I have that support there x


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