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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,

i have finally become true to myself about what my sexuality is but how do i tell friends and family that im a gay woman? i have a bad relationship with my mum as it is and im worried about telling her this that it will complete break our relationship. what should i do? how can i tell her? i did have a girlfriend but when her parents found out they accused me of turning their daughter gay so we cant contact each other anymore, i feel pretty alone with all this... sorry for the long message just didnt know who i could talk to about this...

thanks
oldbiddy

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there :wave:

    I think it must be a really nerve wracking thing to go through, but well done for being honest with yourself about your sexuality. I reckon a lot of people go through life repressing it, so being honest with yourself is a massive first step :)

    You might want to bite the bullet and sit down with your mum and tell her, or if you are really worried about doing this face-to-face you might prefer to write this down instead? I'm sorry to hear your relationship with your mum is strained, but sometimes being honest with people can bring your closer together. There's a really good article on TheSite http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/sexuality/how-to-come-out-3741.html which talks about how to come out. It's sad to hear that your girlfriend's parents weren't very nice when they learned of your relationship, but people's reactions can be quite wide-ranging, so don't be put off by their negativity. It's no reflection on how your Mum will react, and you may never know until you do. :yes:

    Good luck with it *hug* and I really hope it works out - keep us posted :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Oldbiddy123,

    Coming out to friends and family can be a very scary thing to contemplate due to not knowing how they will react –since other people’s reactions are completely out of our hands.

    Saying this it may be important to consider whether you are ready to share this information as not everyone’s will reaction will necessarily be a positive one as you have already experienced. However please don’t be put off by this.

    If you decide you definitely want to share this with your friends and family – specifically your mum it may be best just to ask her if you can have a chat privately when no one else is around.

    There is no way of knowing how your mum will react but hopefully she will see this as a positive – the fact that your relationship is strained and yet you have chosen to confide in her.

    As Tamsinjo said there is a great article on the site which you may find helpful to your situation.

    Good Luck – Hope this helps.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks guys... i havent quite told her yet... i was meant to yesterday but we argued so thought it wasnt a good time to say it really... but i have told a few friends but unfortunately i had to have the police out as they were quite homophobic towards me so its hate crime.. and after that its kinda put me off from telling family as i will know the older generation of my family will be homophobic.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just remember, your not doing anything wrong. You can't help who you fall in love with. If people don't like it then, in my opinion, they're not privileged enough to be in your life. If they truly care then they will accept you for who you are. I know that when I have children I will make that clear to them so they're not scared to tell me.

    We're all here for you. Be strong

    Sent by Sony Xperia
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks BeckiBoo... i wish i could tell her and the world with no problems but thats not going to happen is it? i just feel like hiding away and pretend to be straight for the rest of my life... so i wont have to go through any more pain...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What do you think would happen if you told someone?

    Sent by Sony Xperia
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know my family would disown me and i know my family would send me hate mail and i would get alot of grief from family.... so im better of staying quiet....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I told my mum and now she isnt talking to me... she onli rang me today to have a go at me and tell me how disgusting i am and that i deserve to die... x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I told my mum and now she isnt talking to me... she onli rang me today to have a go at me and tell me how disgusting i am and that i deserve to die... x

    I'm so sorry that that was the reaction you got. I assure you you're definitely not disgusting and you don't deserve to die because of your sexuality.

    Do you have any other support or anyone you can talk to about your sexuality?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I told my mum and now she isnt talking to me... she onli rang me today to have a go at me and tell me how disgusting i am and that i deserve to die... x

    I'm really sorry she took it so badly. Just remember that you haven't done anything wrong. Like I said before you can't help who you fall in love with 😊 Maybe she just needs time to adjust to what you've told her. The different generations between you and your mum means her 'norm' may be a lot different to current society.
    Well done for having the courage to tell her though

    Sent by Sony Xperia
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there...

    Do you know many LGBTQ people in your area? Maybe finding individuals who share your experiences as LGBTQ would help make things easy. I've found community has really helped me personally, not only in accepting the "sex" part (whatever "sex" is... it can be many things!), but also in seeing the many ways people can express gender and have relationships.

    I found it really difficult admitting to myself that I like women (and issues surrounding my own gender, which this is not the place to go in to)... It's scary because you're constantly coming out as being "the other". I'm really lucky in that my Mum accepts me for who I am, but I know some people who have had far worst deals than I in that respect.

    Your Mum's reaction is down to her own issues... Her response sounds incredibly abusive if I'm to be honest. Maybe space between you will give her time to think, or look at her own prejudice.

    Don't really know what else to say... It's stupid to ask "are you OK?" because your Mum sounds like she was harsh to you... Are you getting any support if you need it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there :wave:

    Really hope you are ok? Just wanted to check in with you and let you know we're thinking about you. Just to reiterate, what you did was incredibly brave and took so much courage. Sometimes people need a bit of time to let the news sink in - but if you ever need a place to talk or get support, then this is it :yes: and we're here for you! :)

    *hug*
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