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Is he cheating on me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been with my bf for 8 months and for him it was love at first sight. He's moved cities to live near me and we now live together. He works a job he hates to provide us with what we need. He's taken on my daughter too. We've had the odd argument, and one month of our relationship admittedly was a total breakdown, but we've recovered since and he treats me lovely. He backs down and apologises in every argument and does all the little things to show me his love, makes me a cuppa after work, makes time for me even though he works nights and I work days which is tough, buys me flowers and leaves them on my pillow. Sends me loving messages all day. He too is open with his phone leaving it around and always showing me messages or telling me whose calling. Then all of a sudden in our 5/6 month I suddenly started suspecting him of cheating. Yes I've been cheated on before, but I don't normally put that on the next guy, I've never been anything but laid back before about it. I'm worried because my gut instinct has busted 8 bfs before almost as soon as they started cheating. What if this is just my gut instinct and it's right?! How can I tell with no obvious signs, or am I just missing them? If he's innocent I don't wanna ruin this relationship. He's been cheated on by all his exes and it gutted him, he's very adamant on his opinion that cheating is vile and he'd never do it. Help!!

Comments

  • Danny!Danny! mod Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Hi there

    It does sound like you're in a confusing situation right now. From what you say about your relationship, things moved very quickly from meeting to living together and looking after a child. I wonder whether moving that fast means that you've not had a lot of time to get settled with each other a step at a time, and whether that makes you feel less secure than you might otherwise at this stage in your relationship?

    It is really difficult when you have a feeling that you can't back up and you're not sure where it comes from. But you could take some time to try and understand from different angles.

    In terms of your own side of this, it might be worth thinking about what might lead you to worry that he's cheating. It sounds like you've been cheated on before, which must have been really painful, and it wouldn't be surprising if you were extra careful to avoid it happening again.

    Is there anything else that might make you feel insecure in yourself, which could increase the likelihood of you worrying that he'd look elsewhere?

    It sounds like he treats you really well in a lot of ways. If he's understanding, I wonder whether you could talk to him about this? Maybe you could approach it in terms of "I really like you for [these reasons], but because of [some reasons of my own] I'm feeling a bit insecure at the moment?". That would give him the chance to support you with this, and also to get things out in the open, which might help clear your mind a bit.

    Keep talking to us here, hope things feel better soon :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If 8 boyfriends cheated on you before, can it be that you either go for the wrong people or that there is something about you that makes them stray? You tell a paragraph about all the lovely things he does for you, but are you doing anything for him? Maybe he (and couple guys before him) felt unloved and were too pussy to break up and cheated therefor.

    If you don't have prove you will have to give him the benefit of the doubt before, because from what you tell he sounds like a good dude.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there :wave:

    I hope things are ok for you? I just wanted to check back and find out how things were going? Feel free to keep posting with us, if you find that it helps. We are always here to support you, whenever you need it :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea hes def cheating
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    marajuana wrote: »
    Yea hes def cheating

    On what grounds do you make these assumptions? The only thing that hints to that is that the OP suddenly suspected her partner of cheating, without any signs, hints or changes in behavior.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I only ever regret not dating 2 people out of 30+. If I wanted to be with someone else I would just tell them. It's difficult, because you have dated people that have hurt you it will make you suspicious with every partner you ever have. Keep an open mind. I know people that have been single for 30 years, and then people think they are going to get hundreds of chances to date someone.

    I was chatted up by my friends wife. I could not believe it, it would break his heart if I told him. Things are not always what they seem though. Here is some things you could try:

    Ask him if he would consider moving abroad in the near future, or another part of the UK.
    Has there been any changes in the relationship? Sex, affection or taken an interest in different things

    Hope it works out well for you x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would say if he's still confident and happy to leave his phone around you, then don't worry :) These days so much communication goes through a phone, whether it's calls, texts, Whatsapp, Facebook, E-mail or whatever, so I think that's fine if he's still doing that. Also, just trust someone until they do something to lose that, then you know it wasn't your fault.
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