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Confused and feeling lonely, boyfriend doesn't understand
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
For some time now i have had depression and anxiety however it hasn't gotten bad until this past year where it almost killed me on multiple occasions. In fact, i was pulled out of school unable to return until i went to the hospital for my hallucinations. They told me that although it is rare, when anxiety escalates and you become overwhelmed that it can cause hallucinations.
I've been in a relationship for a year and a bit and although he is really supportive he doesn't understand. I think sometimes he forgets that depression is an actual illness just as cancer is... Ignorance is bliss i guess, anyways, we lived far for his job but he recently quit and decided to move out here by the end of the first week of September. I know i should be really happy about this and i am but right now I'm dreading this week and i dont want to live through it. He just landed to visit his mother and sister in Ottawa (Im in Toronto) and i just feel so sad. Though i have tried to talk to him about it, he doesn't understand how i can feel so low for no reason. I was there in July but i miss him so much mainly because i feel so alone and i just need someone right now. Today we got into an argument because i told him my suicidal feelings have returned...I dont know what i can do to help or how i can survive this next week and a bit.
I've been in a relationship for a year and a bit and although he is really supportive he doesn't understand. I think sometimes he forgets that depression is an actual illness just as cancer is... Ignorance is bliss i guess, anyways, we lived far for his job but he recently quit and decided to move out here by the end of the first week of September. I know i should be really happy about this and i am but right now I'm dreading this week and i dont want to live through it. He just landed to visit his mother and sister in Ottawa (Im in Toronto) and i just feel so sad. Though i have tried to talk to him about it, he doesn't understand how i can feel so low for no reason. I was there in July but i miss him so much mainly because i feel so alone and i just need someone right now. Today we got into an argument because i told him my suicidal feelings have returned...I dont know what i can do to help or how i can survive this next week and a bit.
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Comments
What they've told you is correct - anxiety and stress in some cases can lead to hallucinations - it's called psychosis. Are you getting any professional support at the moment?
It's really cool to hear that your boyfriend has been really supportive over the last year and is soon to be moving to be closer to you. Depression can be hard for those that haven't experienced it to fully understand and what you mention here, is a really common reaction:
There isn't always a reason or a trigger for depression, like you say, it's an illness but often people think you should just be able to 'snap out of it' or 'cheer up'.
It might help to find a time to talk to your boyfriend and educate him a bit when you next see him - thinking about what support you'd like from him and also what other support networks you can build so that he isn't always taking the main role in looking after you when things get hard?
Planning fun days out together and making sure that you make time for each other that isn't focused on talking about your illness but is just about enjoying each other's company is also really important, maybe you could make some plans for when you next see each other that you can both look forward to?
Talking online here is a great addition to your support network - where else or who else do you think you might be able to add?
Perhaps we can help you come up with some ideas/distractions to get you through the next few days? What sort of things do you enjoy doing? Our sister site madlyinlove.org.uk also has some info around mental health in relationships that you might find useful to read.
Let us know how you're getting on *hug*