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Missing my mum

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Some of you guys may already know that I am in care and dont see either of my parents because they abused me and it would be unsafe to do so
Thing is, I'm really missing my mum because even though she is an evil person she is still my mum and there is that bond. What do I do?

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Comments

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,435 Part of The Furniture
    Hey lovely one :heart:

    I just wanted to offer you some *hug*s

    I don't know what to suggest really, I am sorry. But you know I am always here for you no matter what. Do you think speaking to one of the carers who you are close with may be possible, they could know what to suggest. I think it's normal to still have that bond with a parent, and miss them. :heart:

    Stay strong.. You are not alone.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't talk to my carers because they expect me not to miss her because of everything she's done to me :( I'm having counselling next week but it's in Friday which is a bit far away... Can't stop thinking :(

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ubaru4av.jpg

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey lovely,

    I've got nothing really useful to say, but I just wanted to fly past and offer some *hug*

    You know where to find me if you want someone xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awwww Becki.

    I am lucky enough to have both parents, although they are separated. It's really your decision whether you want her back in your life but as she ruined your childhood and left you with emotional/physical scars do you really want that? I speak to so many people that have had their lives ruined (boyfriends/girlfriends/parents/friends/authority figures) because of the actions of other people. Whoever you let in your life just be cautious. If someone was treating me like crap I would just walk away, most of the time that's the best option. One of my brothers was deceived into having children so that his partner could live on benefits the rest of her life.

    Does your mum show you any remorse or given an apology? What have the authorities said about what she did? I cannot really relate to what has happened to you but I know children that feel like they want to be part of a family and they are not. I think it should be compulsory for all parents to take a parenting course which includes first aid, life skills etc. I had a fit when I was 18 months old and my mum had no idea of first aid.

    The only advice I can give really is be cautious about the effects people have on your life. Don't be afraid to undermine people even if they are meant to be experts. I was young and naïve once, it has resulted in people ruining my life. I will never own my own home, never have children, made enemies and am 30K in debt. The only advice I can give is make decisions for yourself and don't be overly influenced by others. Hope these help x

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlK4vxogMUY
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OH2ZZl5Qxqc
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXuxqef5L9k
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0sihX98mAw
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSEG34dSDhE
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3rQTW0vvGw

    Lee
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug* I can understand the want for the bond with your mum and it's hard, there is no quick fix solution (if only there was) it's also completely understandable to have mix emotions about it due to mums ways but you wanting a bond.
    I know you say you can't talk to your career cause they expect you not to have that bond, is that something you think or know? I know one or two people in care for different reasons and there carer understands. So you could try talking to one of them? Or you could write a letter as to what you'd say to your mum.
    Also I know counselling seems like far away but it's only few more days away I know that will be really helpful until then you could try talking to your carer and keep us updated on here *hug* again wish there was an easy answer.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyOwl wrote: »
    Hey lovely,

    I've got nothing really useful to say, but I just wanted to fly past and offer some *hug*

    You know where to find me if you want someone xx

    Thanks owlie :heart:

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's really your decision whether you want her back in your life but as she ruined your childhood and left you with emotional/physical scars do you really want that?
    Does your mum show you any remorse or given an apology? What have the authorities said about what she did?

    Lee

    No of course I don't want that again but at the same time I'm tired of feeling so alone. All my friends have a family that care about them so they don't understand how it feels not to have that. It's pretty crap
    To be honest, she tells social services she hasn't done anything and shes made me out to be the liar so shes never got any real punishment for what she's done. Neither of them have.


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rosebud wrote: »
    *hug* I can understand the want for the bond with your mum and it's hard, there is no quick fix solution (if only there was) it's also completely understandable to have mix emotions about it due to mums ways but you wanting a bond.
    I know you say you can't talk to your career cause they expect you not to have that bond, is that something you think or know? I know one or two people in care for different reasons and there carer understands. So you could try talking to one of them? Or you could write a letter as to what you'd say to your mum.
    Also I know counselling seems like far away but it's only few more days away I know that will be really helpful until then you could try talking to your carer and keep us updated on here *hug* again wish there was an easy answer.

    I know that my carers expect me to be over it :( I've been here before unfortunately. But it's fine

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just want to give you a hug Becki, because although our situations are different, I do understand how much it hurts *hug*

    I can't give you any answers, but I can offer a listening ear if you ever need one x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ella! wrote: »
    Just want to give you a hug Becki, because although our situations are different, I do understand how much it hurts *hug*

    I can't give you any answers, but I can offer a listening ear if you ever need one x

    Thanks for being so lovely

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay so mum came to the house last night (it was totally unexpected) and it was a massive moment for me. It made me realise that I don't actually miss my mum but I miss having a mum, if that makes sense? It's two completely different things. To be honest I don't know how I can miss a motherly relationship when I've never had one but there you go! I guess I'm just needing that love and care right now, a bit selfish I know
    Thanks for all your support guys

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    Okay so mum came to the house last night (it was totally unexpected) and it was a massive moment for me. It made me realise that I don't actually miss my mum but I miss having a mum, if that makes sense? It's two completely different things. To be honest I don't know how I can miss a motherly relationship when I've never had one but there you go! I guess I'm just needing that love and care right now, a bit selfish I know
    Thanks for all your support guys

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    *hug* you put this perfectly and I'm so happy you've worked this out a bit more in your head I know it's hard nd I know mum turning up would have been so hard. You know where I am always nd so many people care about you :) friends can't replace having a mum but they can help sometimes.
    Also don't ever think it's being selfish as it's not! It's hard especially when you see everyone else with there mums nd family it can be really difficult as you feel isolated I guess nd unsure where you stand. (Probably makes no sense but did in my head)
    Finally I don't think your alone in this feeling lovely so once again well done for writing it and do keep us up to date x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rosebud wrote: »
    *hug* you put this perfectly and I'm so happy you've worked this out a bit more in your head I know it's hard nd I know mum turning up would have been so hard. You know where I am always nd so many people care about you :) friends can't replace having a mum but they can help sometimes.
    Also don't ever think it's being selfish as it's not! It's hard especially when you see everyone else with there mums nd family it can be really difficult as you feel isolated I guess nd unsure where you stand. (Probably makes no sense but did in my head)
    Finally I don't think your alone in this feeling lovely so once again well done for writing it and do keep us up to date x

    Thank you :) yeah it did make sense because when I go round to my friend's houses they all have parents who love them and even though I'm happy for them, it can be hard to see.
    Thanks again x

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi BeckiBoo,

    Just wanted to drop by to see how you were doing - looks like everyone has been really lovely :) I hope that you're feeling alright, let us know if you want to talk anymore about things.
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