Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.

When your boyfriend/girlfriend goes away without you ...

Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
3424840-18th-september-1935-soldiers-kissing-their-gettyimages.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=ruEuRzSAGKpdIZKki9y2nQK6Ra4oWgJBJopG3g5lcOw%3D

It's the summer, and it's sunny!

Summer holidays or weekends can mean going on holiday, going to a festival, or staying with friends out of town. Sometimes we do these things with partners, other times it's nice to get some time with just friends.

Going away in the summer can be a really fun and special part of the year, and might well involve partying, hanging out in the sun, and sharing fun but also meaningful times with people. This can bring up various difficult feelings when it's your boyfriend or girlfriend going away without you, especially if you're left at home not doing anything special.

How do you feel about your partner going away without you? Have you had good or bad experiences in the past?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I never had a boyfreind thats gone away
  • plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    My girlfriend and I holiday both together and separately in equal measures. I think it's healthy to maintain the balance of having friends / family to go away with and then spending time together. Admittedly there's nothing wrong with holidaying together all the time, but for me I prefer to have that balance!
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    plugitin wrote: »
    My girlfriend and I holiday both together and separately in equal measures. I think it's healthy to maintain the balance of having friends / family to go away with and then spending time together. Admittedly there's nothing wrong with holidaying together all the time, but for me I prefer to have that balance!

    That does sound like a really healthy balance :)

    Have you been worried about your girlfriend holidaying without you (or vice versa), or were you both relaxed?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've just had a week away with my boyfriend, which was lovely, and now he's away with his family. I do miss him but it's nice being able to have time to myself, we still speak a little in the morning and evening when he's not busy so it's a good balance :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the biggest challenge is if someone is away and busy, and the other one is having a quiet week at home. Can lead to mismatches in ex in expectations on communication. One is a bit bored, so would like quite a lot of contact The other really busy so doesn't get many chances.

    That's reasonably easy to manage though if you talk about it first, and have a rough outline- what that maybe will vary between couples and scenarios from talking every morning or night, to one text in the middle of the week to say still alive.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a great point ninaballet, having time to yourself is very important :)

    From my own experience, spending time with a partner is great but having time to yourself and with your friends is also very important to do. Do you find that when you do speak to him in the morning and evening it feels that extra bit special because you have lots to catch up on from your day?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not going to lie - because I feel that I can be myself on this forum, right? - but I actually get very upset when my boyfriend goes away without me. Even when he goes away with friends, I kind of think, 'Am I not your friend too? Am I not fun like your other friends??' :grump: I know this is incredibly selfish and childish of me, but I want to be honest, this is how I feel, and I think, actually, it is how a lot of people feel. Last summer Jimmy went away with friends of his from school - three weeks camping here in Romania! Old Mad - http://www.lonelyplanet.com/romania/hotels/camp-x-romania What it worse, I have always loved Romania, and always wanted to explore the country. I had also recently completed my First Aid Course so I would have been a brilliant person to have around in case of accidents. Alas, I was left at home. It actually wasnt that bad. It had recently been my birthday, and he had bought for me one of a best rated mattress topper - http://www.zenbedrooms.com/mattress-toppers.html - check 'em out kids, nothing like one for a cosy night haha! - which he knew i LOVED. So I just hugged that most of the time, thinking of him and watching old episodes of Dawsons Creek. hahah! :D that sounds sad i know. but actually it was ok. I don't think Romania would have suited me in the end.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I remember the man who wanted a relationship with me, being rather pissed off that I didn't invite him to London with me and then he got it into his head that he was coming to Bournemouth with me. We were never together. I also planned to meet up with friends both times and do things with them.
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Ffrrrrr wrote: »
    I'm not going to lie - because I feel that I can be myself on this forum, right? - but I actually get very upset when my boyfriend goes away without me. Even when he goes away with friends, I kind of think, 'Am I not your friend too? Am I not fun like your other friends??' :grump: I know this is incredibly selfish and childish of me, but I want to be honest, this is how I feel, and I think, actually, it is how a lot of people feel. Last summer Jimmy went away with friends of his from school - three weeks camping here in Romania! Old Mad - http://www.lonelyplanet.com/romania/hotels/camp-x-romania What it worse, I have always loved Romania, and always wanted to explore the country. I had also recently completed my First Aid Course so I would have been a brilliant person to have around in case of accidents. Alas, I was left at home. It actually wasnt that bad. It had recently been my birthday, and he had bought for me one of a best rated mattress topper - http://www.zenbedrooms.com/mattress-toppers.html - check 'em out kids, nothing like one for a cosy night haha! - which he knew i LOVED. So I just hugged that most of the time, thinking of him and watching old episodes of Dawsons Creek. hahah! :D that sounds sad i know. but actually it was ok. I don't think Romania would have suited me in the end.

    I think this is a great place to be yourself :)

    We all have difficult feelings sometimes, and they can relate to very different situations. I think the important thing in a relationship is how we deal with those feelings - by ourselves and as a couple. If you're able to explain to your boyfriend why you feel upset, and that it's not his fault but you would appreciate his support, then there's no reason for it to do any harm to your relationship.

    It sounds like you found a way of coping that works for you. Come back here though if you find yourself upset again though, if you can work your way forward through these things, you might find that they're at least a bit easier the next time :)
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Melian wrote: »
    I remember the man who wanted a relationship with me, being rather pissed off that I didn't invite him to London with me and then he got it into his head that he was coming to Bournemouth with me. We were never together. I also planned to meet up with friends both times and do things with them.

    That sounds like it put you in a really difficult situation, what did you do?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Danny! wrote: »
    That sounds like it put you in a really difficult situation, what did you do?

    I'd told him we couldn't have a relationship for an unrelated reason. But I really unhappy that he'd assumed he was coming with me and expected me to pay for him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have to say that I'm a tad concerned about MrRiot going on a stag do this October and getting a call from local police or hospital (more to do with it being a stag do, and partly cos I can't go on the hen do because it's on a yacht (and wheelchair/sticks and the open sea don't really go together). I go away once every 6 weeks or so and asides from missing me a bit he doesn't seem to mind too much. If we spent more than just weekends together then maybe we would feel a but left out but it's important we have out separate lives as well as one that's shared.
Sign In or Register to comment.