really not doing so well

my living situation is extremely oppressive to my mental health. my parents don't allow me to see a professional for my depression or anxiety or anything that i go through, including my self harm problem and suicidal thoughts, because they think i'm faking it. i don't have a cell phone so i can't call anyone for help with this. all i can do is keep telling myself that im one more year from being able to escape from here, but it's draining me of every last little drop of energy i have to keep fighting against all the pressure i have against me. i really don't know what else to do and i'm waning fast. my friends are worried about me and i keep scaring them with the way that i think sometimes. i dont mean to scare them like this, and i know the only way to stop doing what i am is to get help. but i just can't. i'm in a rut and i don't know how to get out. i'm scaring my friends and i'm scaring myself. i don't know what to do anymore.