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Dealing with change and moving on
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, Im just gonna lay my cards bare here.
My life is changing and i want it to but im terrified. Me and my sister are at a point where we're moving into the adult world of work, relationships, moving away etc etc.
I want to move away and get my own place but im so so scared. I dont want to leave my family and be alone. I cant stand not seeing my sister everyday and her spending more time with her boyfriend than me. I dont want to be alone when I have to deal with things that have gone wrong. It gives me panic attacks just thinking about it.
When i went to uni i was so excited that all this never crossed my mind but then again everything was pretty much plain sailing. I was homesick for a bit but it soon passed and i loved uni and living independently for the first time. I moved home because i had a job to come back to. Now ive found out that my sister really missed me when i was away so i feel all kinds of guilt now which is making it all worse.
The other thing is that we lost our brother 8 years ago. He was the oldest and would be 27 now, and probably already done all of these things, maybe even marriage, kids. If he was here I would just be following in his footsteps and have him to guide me. Now I dont and as the oldest I have to take the first steps which im not used to doing.
Rceent things like being in a pressured job that I hate and moving out, having a breakdown, dealing with an angry landlord and moving home (i hate conforntation) has made me this way. I used to be really strong and together but i feel like i cant handle anything anymore and even cried in front of my boss when she set me new objectives.
Like i said i want to be excited about this and in a small way I am. I want to move away from my hometown and my plan is to explore a bit more and look into getting a job elsewhere so i can move. I have a career type in mind but i thought if i wait for that job to come along ill probably never move, and the longer i stay at home the harder it is to break free from my little cocoon of safeness where my parents help me out and tell me how to deal with things.
It makes me well up and panic just thinking about it all. How can i get back to how i was when i left for uni? So excited my flatmate came out of her room to see was the fuss was about when she heard me. Being able to deal with difficult situations and just get on with it. I missed my family but i guess it was never that bad because i knew id be going home eventually.
If i moved, of course i would go home at christmas. I could go home every weekend if i wanted. But this feels so final. Its the end of an era and i have to get used to the next bit. I want to be excited about living alone doing want i want and finally being an adult. Im just so terrified i want to go to bed in my childhood bedroom (still a single by the way) and never come out. As a 24 year old and looking around at people younger than me who are getting married and buying houses and having kids I need to really be thinking about this stuff and taking the leap. Instead I feel like an overgrown child. You know when you see toddlers still sitting in prams that are way too small for them.
This weekend im going to stay with my friend who lives in cambridge and he lives on his own and loves it so maybe it will inspire me or at least let me know one way or the other if im ready.
My life is changing and i want it to but im terrified. Me and my sister are at a point where we're moving into the adult world of work, relationships, moving away etc etc.
I want to move away and get my own place but im so so scared. I dont want to leave my family and be alone. I cant stand not seeing my sister everyday and her spending more time with her boyfriend than me. I dont want to be alone when I have to deal with things that have gone wrong. It gives me panic attacks just thinking about it.
When i went to uni i was so excited that all this never crossed my mind but then again everything was pretty much plain sailing. I was homesick for a bit but it soon passed and i loved uni and living independently for the first time. I moved home because i had a job to come back to. Now ive found out that my sister really missed me when i was away so i feel all kinds of guilt now which is making it all worse.
The other thing is that we lost our brother 8 years ago. He was the oldest and would be 27 now, and probably already done all of these things, maybe even marriage, kids. If he was here I would just be following in his footsteps and have him to guide me. Now I dont and as the oldest I have to take the first steps which im not used to doing.
Rceent things like being in a pressured job that I hate and moving out, having a breakdown, dealing with an angry landlord and moving home (i hate conforntation) has made me this way. I used to be really strong and together but i feel like i cant handle anything anymore and even cried in front of my boss when she set me new objectives.
Like i said i want to be excited about this and in a small way I am. I want to move away from my hometown and my plan is to explore a bit more and look into getting a job elsewhere so i can move. I have a career type in mind but i thought if i wait for that job to come along ill probably never move, and the longer i stay at home the harder it is to break free from my little cocoon of safeness where my parents help me out and tell me how to deal with things.
It makes me well up and panic just thinking about it all. How can i get back to how i was when i left for uni? So excited my flatmate came out of her room to see was the fuss was about when she heard me. Being able to deal with difficult situations and just get on with it. I missed my family but i guess it was never that bad because i knew id be going home eventually.
If i moved, of course i would go home at christmas. I could go home every weekend if i wanted. But this feels so final. Its the end of an era and i have to get used to the next bit. I want to be excited about living alone doing want i want and finally being an adult. Im just so terrified i want to go to bed in my childhood bedroom (still a single by the way) and never come out. As a 24 year old and looking around at people younger than me who are getting married and buying houses and having kids I need to really be thinking about this stuff and taking the leap. Instead I feel like an overgrown child. You know when you see toddlers still sitting in prams that are way too small for them.
This weekend im going to stay with my friend who lives in cambridge and he lives on his own and loves it so maybe it will inspire me or at least let me know one way or the other if im ready.
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And I don't feel ready for any of it. But generally I muddle my way through. I got home from beinga way with work yesterday, to an empty house, with a pile of washing I hadn't done before I left, and no one to talk to about how the trip had been because I live on my own. It was rubbish. I got a bowl of icrecream, curled up on the sofa with my duvet (cover one I took from parents house when I moved out) and watched crap TV feeling sorry for myself until I fell asleep.
Equally, I have house, its my space, its got my bed, that I chose, that I love. It's got my pictures on the wall,photos of friends, family and places I've been, arty ones I like. I chose the curtains. I chose the glasses on the kitchen cupboard and its all my space. It's me. There are big parts that are hugely influenced by my parents house - but this is all me. When the light bulbs go, I change them. When I want to catch up with friends - they can come over for dinner, we take ver the kitchen and the lounge and chill, chat, make cocktails, play board games or just put a film on. When the heating stopped working, I tried google and YouTube and then phoned my dad. Half way through making crispie cakes to take to work I phoned my mum for a reminder of how t deal with chocolate doing that crumbly thing in the microwave. I make a point of phoning mum and dad at least once a fortnight, and seeing them once every 3 months. Sometimes it's more that that - but that's my minimum. I keep in touch with my brothers, we live miles apart these days but still chat like never been apart when we catch up. I've got friends up here with sisters they are very close to who live down South, and they stay in really close contact - just in a different way. Random texts, or snap chat messages, or pictures back and forth of things to share, quick iPhone calls while cooking dinner, texting comments back and forth whilst watching the same soap.
These things all work, and moving out isn't some final neve ego back leap - it's a gradual transition. I've still got a pile of stuff at my parents place, and at first glance my room there is still mine. Over the last couple of years some stuff has been cleared out of it, and I've moved more and more up here with me but the concept is still there.
I probably get on better with my parents and siblings since I moved out. We're still close. But we have our own space and lives too.
Overall, I've got a job I love ( although that's not what I would have said yesterday the mood I was in) and I couldn't have this job and live where my parents do, I'm growing up, I still deny it, I still have petit filous in the fridge.
Moving down to where I live now, alone seemed like the scariest thing in the world. I was so overwhelmed by it all. But little by little, I'm getting there. Slowly beginning to consider all these things I never did before. Like owning a house seems really far away - yet it doesn't send me into spirals of panic like it did when I started renting and people asked when I'd buy.
Baby steps. You can do it - you have to push out of your comfort zone little by little - and before you know it you'll have made more progress than you will ever have thought of.
I'm afraid I don't know all of your story from other posts, but is there a reason you want to go further away from home? I have to admit i'm a bit of a homebody so I'm only 30 mins from my Mum & Dad, which is a nice distance as I see them about every 2 weeks but not all the time.
You may have already seen this article, so apologies, but it gives some great advice. Most of all though, you can do it! I have every faith you can do just fine on your own
Cat, Id like to move away because Im not especially keen on the area i live in. I live in a small village on the essex coast and i love it there but i would need to either work there (of which there is only really shops) or in the surrounding towns which im not crazy about doing. All my friends from here have moved on as well so I feel like i need to see more of the world and progress from hometown to something different.
I recently moved into a houseshare in the next town over where i work but that was a disaster and i moved home the next weekend. Probably because I moved all my stuff in one foul swoop, living with someone i didnt know and i couldnt make the place 'mine', and all of a sudden my bedroom was empty. Like Scary and have my mum have said, its a gradual change of moving a bit at a time and getting stuff thats just yours that you can add.
?What if you don?t move? What will you miss out on? What would you always wonder about?
I think I will be a bit
I feel like i have alot of options now, not just Cambridge but anywhere i want and its probably best to wait until i have a job interview, or even an offer before i start stressing about these things