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How do you deal with stress as a couple? (help me build a top tips list)

Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
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We all have some stress in our lives, some of us quite a lot of it! Stress can really affect the way you feel about various things, and especially how well you're able to step back and understand your own and other people's problems.

Have you found yourself arguing with a partner, and then realising that it wasn't really them you felt so angry with? Do you sometimes find it hard to be around your stressed boyfriend/girlfriend?

What things cause you most stress in a relationship?

It would be really nice if we could all gather some ideas, or things that have worked for you, and hopefully we can build up a list of tips here ...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes if you know one of you is stressed or going to be, its nice to give a little pre-warning. Something like "I'm not the best at the moment, so if I'm mad at you I'm not really mad at you." Although that obviously isn't always possible!

    Also just a nice gift if you know someone's stressed. Not necessarily something expensive, just thoughtful. It can really take the edge off.

    A nice walk's good too, just going somewhere quiet together like the woods or something. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that some of the most important and common areas of stress in a relationship are around work and money. People often have arguments about these issues - but I also find that stress at work can actually change how a person behaves in other areas of their life - it really does affect their personality.

    My partner and I would argue when we were both tired, and I think that it's a good idea to say to the other, Im not feeling my best right now, Im edgy and need some space to calm down.

    I think a need for honesty is important, and to let the other know you are not pushing them away but are needing the space to deal with your stress on your own.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tamsinjo wrote: »
    I think that some of the most important and common areas of stress in a relationship are around work and money. People often have arguments about these issues - but I also find that stress at work can actually change how a person behaves in other areas of their life - it really does affect their personality.

    I agree with this completely. Stress can have a serious knock on effect with people, especially chronic stress. If you're suffering long term from high stress levels you're going to seem out of character a lot of the time and it's so hard to tell from your own perspective. Sometimes it takes an honest word from your partner to just say "hey, you're really not yourself and haven't been for a while". Moreover, it can massively affect your health and it's important to realise how much stress can actually physically make you sick. I went to the doctors once with horrible chest pains and she ended up saying it was stress. I was amazed!

    But yeah, definitely try and communicate with your partner about it. The more you both know the more you can adjust and help each other. Making that extra effort to do something nice for someone or with someone can really take the edge off too. :)
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
    Me and the Boyf had a MASSIVE row yesterday and then I realised I was just being a prick cos of exams and hormones and stuff. I literally sent him a text apologising for being a cunt and he said 'me too' and it was all groovy. I'm such a bitch sometimes. But then it is nice for them to just be like 'Look, you're obviously stressed and it's making me feel like shit, take an hour to chill, I love you, talk in a bit' from time to time.
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    It's really nice to see the positives about dealing with stress with your partner in all your answers. While stress can cause a great strain on relationships, being able to help each other through can make a massive difference, and bring you closer.

    Doing something nice, communicating well and treating each other extra-nicely sometimes can make feelings of stress much more manageable.

    And Annaarrr!!, I think sometimes going through a bit of an argument and then making up can leave you feeling closer than you did before.
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Mindapples is a campaign based on the fruit and vegetables "five a day" campaign, that encourages people to write down five things to do each day that make them feel better about themselves. They also suggest that once you've written them, you can share them with your partner, to give each other some insight into how you're doing and what works for you.

    And a step further is to list five activities which you can do together everyday which would make you both feel better (I think this is best seen as a target rather some you must achieve everyday).

    What do you think? Would you do it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not sure I'd go that far.

    We tend to go for a mix of ranting at each other about other things in life that are causing us stress, so then know what else is going on for the other; or talking about completely different stuff. I've also learnt that there are ways that help the boy switch off and a few dead give aways that he's a stressed munchkin and it's nothing to do with me. I can probably spot it in him better than I can myself (and vice versa). If we're together, and monster stress is going on then bringing out the massage oil makes a massive difference. Or going to the beach and paddling.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Danny! wrote: »
    I think sometimes going through a bit of an argument and then making up can leave you feeling closer than you did before.

    I agree - especially on a bigger scale. The more you get through, the more solid you can be as a couple. :)
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Thanks everyone, your tips all come together really helpfully to create a set of options for dealing with stress in a relationship (this would also work with friends and family):

    If you’re stressed:
    • Try and warn your partner as early as possible if you are stressed, or expect to be stressed.
    • Take a bit of space to calm down if you need, and let your partner know you’re doing this.
    • Be open and honest about how you feel
    • If you do give them a hard time because of your stress, apologise and let them know what happened for you
    • Remember that with good communication your partner can help you through

    If your partner’s stressed:
    • Get them a little gift
    • Suggest doing something nice together, like a walk or a massage
    • Ask them if they would like some space
    • Let them know they can talk to you about what’s stressing them out
    • Try and remember that their stress is not about you, and not to take it personally if they’re off with you
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