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Want to be adopted?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
edited December 2020 in Care Experienced Zone
I wasn't sure whether this was the right place for this but I was told it would be okay

So basically I long to have a mum in my life, as some of you already know, but I think adoption would be the best place to be. I realise it could be problematic due to my age (18) but surely there's people out there who would want someone my age... Or maybe not.
Also if this would be available, would I have to go through my social worker? I really don't want to because I feel she would just laugh at me. Could I not do it informally? With out people getting involved?

I hope this makes sense because I feel like I'm just rambling now so I'll shut up. Please leave truthful thought
Post edited by Mike on

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    U cont get adopted when u hit 18 over could u ask about getting ur own place or something

    Sorry no help
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really want my own place. I just want to be in a family :(

    Sent from my C1905 using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to just say again that as you get older and move forward you will have new people in your life that play a huge part. For example, you could meet someone and fall in love, their parents could play a part in your life, you may want your own kids one day? I can't imagine how it feels for you but it won't be like this forever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have to be under 18 to be adopted, but adoption via social services is very very unlikely in children over 8. I'm really sorry you long for a mum so much, are you cared for by social services? Do you have any close friends? If not, do you feel you could join any groups to meet friends? I know family seems like everything but truthfully close friends can be just as good. You don't get to pick your family, but you can pick your friends which means they can be even nicer and better for you than any adoptive or blood related family
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to just say again that as you get older and move forward you will have new people in your life that play a huge part. For example, you could meet someone and fall in love, their parents could play a part in your life, you may want your own kids one day? I can't imagine how it feels for you but it won't be like this forever.

    I agree with this so much.

    My mum died a few years ago and for various reasons since then, the majority of my family now are not part of my life. I'm a few years older than you, but that doesn't change how hard it is and I still have moments now when the only thing I want to do is speak to my mum. Having said that, there are people in my life who are a mum figure to me. They aren't my mum, I wouldn't ask them to be, but I know if I'm having a rubbish day I can sent them a text and equally when I have news they are there to share the news with.

    Like other people have said, due to your age adoption isn't possible as you're classed as an adult. However, I've looked on Google at some possibilities in your local area - would you like me to PM you instead of posting here and disclosing your location?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to just say again that as you get older and move forward you will have new people in your life that play a huge part. For example, you could meet someone and fall in love, their parents could play a part in your life, you may want your own kids one day? I can't imagine how it feels for you but it won't be like this forever.

    Everyone seems to say this to me but I have been feeling like this for so long that I think I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life :( I know that once I have kids then I may not need that mother figure as much but I am scared that I will get jealous of my own children because they will have something that I craved for so long! When I go round to friends houses, I get jealous of how close they are to their mums. I just want that closeness. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you cared for by social services? Do you have any close friends?

    Yes I am cared for social services. When I first came into care I was placed into foster care but that didn't work out so I was placed in emergency residential. I was there for 4 weeks! It was awful. In this time they were supposed to be looking for a foster placement for me but found me a residential home instead (the one I am in now). Don't get me wrong I love it here but its just not the same as foster.

    Yes I have friends but 2 very close friends. One of the is around my age and we see each other more or less everyday. The other one is my ex primary school teacher who has helped me out so much! I told her that she was like a mother to me (which is true) but I don't think she can become this close to me. I think she is a bit scared of what social services could do
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ella! wrote: »
    I agree with this so much.

    My mum died a few years ago and for various reasons since then, the majority of my family now are not part of my life. I'm a few years older than you, but that doesn't change how hard it is and I still have moments now when the only thing I want to do is speak to my mum. Having said that, there are people in my life who are a mum figure to me. They aren't my mum, I wouldn't ask them to be, but I know if I'm having a rubbish day I can sent them a text and equally when I have news they are there to share the news with.

    Like other people have said, due to your age adoption isn't possible as you're classed as an adult. However, I've looked on Google at some possibilities in your local area - would you like me to PM you instead of posting here and disclosing your location?

    I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I cant image how hard it must be for you! I am glad however you have people in your life that you can turn to for support.
    I will PM you now, thank you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think more than anything it is important for you to find some hobbies, hopefully that way you will have a new focus in your life and possibly meet some new people.

    Right now all your focus is on wanting close family in your life, but really we make our own family and that will only come when you meet new people and get close to them. The people I love and care for most are not related to me by blood, but that doesn't matter because it's the emotional bond that is important. I don't get on with my mum and I never have, I've always craved for a mother to hug me and show they're proud but I began to realise that unfortunately that just isn't how my mum is. So I turned to other people for that support and bond that my mother and I don't have, it took a long time to find those people but it did happen.

    I really think it is important for you to go out and try new things. Volunteer with children or animals, that's a great way to meet friends. Or if you play an instrument join a local orchestra, join a look amateur dramatics group? It feels to me that you are quite lonely, and if that void can't be filled with a "mum" figure it can be filled with other people :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    BeckiBoo wrote: »
    I know that once I have kids then I may not need that mother figure as much but I am scared that I will get jealous of my own children because they will have something that I craved for so long!

    Or there's just as much chance that you will feel more set on being the great mother to your children that you always wanted. None of us can know how the future will pan out but it's yours to build exactly how you want to. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think sometimes you have to become the parental figure you wanted someone else to be for yourself. It might sound a bit odd, but if you can think about what you would do for you if you were your mother and then act upon those thoughts you might find you're no longer looking for an external figure.

    I did pretty much the same - I put myself in care at 15 when my family situation fell apart and I had to do the things that i would want a mother to do - if I felt crap and I wanted to have a dippy egg or porridge then I did it myself. If I needed cheering up then I took myself somewhere that would make me feel better. It gives you more control over things as well
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