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Is it too soon after a breakup?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello,
I've been on this site a few times in the last month or so and all the advice I have been given has helped me become a better person and I feel so much happier. So I wish to thank those in my previous posts that have shared their views and opinions.
Long story short my ex-girlfriend of 2 years called it off 6/7 weeks ago as she said over the last few months in our relationship she didnt feel the love any more and its not what she wanted. During the first week I wrote her letters etc (things things I shouldnt have done!) to try and get her back.. From the second week I calmed down a lot and realised my faults and worked on improving myself and went NC with her (Brief texts here and there just to organise collecting stuff etc).
Since then I have felt like I have improved my way of life and thinking and can say I am really happy. Im doing a lot more with my friends and myself and have even booked my first holiday abroad!!
Now here is where I need advice and I apologise if this gets confusing for some..
Last year (whilst I was with my ex) I met this girl and work, she is gorgeous! But apart from the civil "hello, how are you" we didnt talk much as we both was in relationships...We spoke alot on facebook (no flirting just general chit chat) and my girlfriend at the time was ok with it but I knew it got her pissed off so I didnt talk to the girl as much (once a week, brief chat on facebook). The girl from work split with her boyfriend after christmas and once she knew my ex had left me we started chatting again, the chatting turned to flirting, the flirting turned to meeting up and eventually we go out every weekend (she works nights I work days) to see each other. Nothing is happened as in we havent jumped into bed with each other, im not the type of guy to disrespect a woman like that however we have kissed alot and have become quite close.
My issue here is that I do like this girl a lot, we have a lot in common but I'm worried that one day I will wake up and think its a rebound
I dont want it to be as she is lovely! I'm also worried what my ex would think if news got out I was seeing another woman after 6/7 weeks since the break up....
I dont have any feelings (that i know of) of wanting to get back with my ex.. Yeah we had some fantastic times that I miss but I also know that if we got together it wouldnt work out and would go back to how we was....Another thing is that since last week, any facebook status i've put on facebook she has liked (shes gone from No contact to likeing facebook and sending me odd text every now and then) I have NO problem with being civil and chatting etc but im worried she is trying to worm her way back to me??? The relationship ended mutually in the end so there is no hatred between us and we can be civil but I dont want to be in a position where she wants to get back together and im stuck im limbo between the 2 girls
Then again I could be blowing this out of proportion and she could just be trying to be friends....
I've been on this site a few times in the last month or so and all the advice I have been given has helped me become a better person and I feel so much happier. So I wish to thank those in my previous posts that have shared their views and opinions.
Long story short my ex-girlfriend of 2 years called it off 6/7 weeks ago as she said over the last few months in our relationship she didnt feel the love any more and its not what she wanted. During the first week I wrote her letters etc (things things I shouldnt have done!) to try and get her back.. From the second week I calmed down a lot and realised my faults and worked on improving myself and went NC with her (Brief texts here and there just to organise collecting stuff etc).
Since then I have felt like I have improved my way of life and thinking and can say I am really happy. Im doing a lot more with my friends and myself and have even booked my first holiday abroad!!
Now here is where I need advice and I apologise if this gets confusing for some..
Last year (whilst I was with my ex) I met this girl and work, she is gorgeous! But apart from the civil "hello, how are you" we didnt talk much as we both was in relationships...We spoke alot on facebook (no flirting just general chit chat) and my girlfriend at the time was ok with it but I knew it got her pissed off so I didnt talk to the girl as much (once a week, brief chat on facebook). The girl from work split with her boyfriend after christmas and once she knew my ex had left me we started chatting again, the chatting turned to flirting, the flirting turned to meeting up and eventually we go out every weekend (she works nights I work days) to see each other. Nothing is happened as in we havent jumped into bed with each other, im not the type of guy to disrespect a woman like that however we have kissed alot and have become quite close.
My issue here is that I do like this girl a lot, we have a lot in common but I'm worried that one day I will wake up and think its a rebound
I dont want it to be as she is lovely! I'm also worried what my ex would think if news got out I was seeing another woman after 6/7 weeks since the break up....I dont have any feelings (that i know of) of wanting to get back with my ex.. Yeah we had some fantastic times that I miss but I also know that if we got together it wouldnt work out and would go back to how we was....Another thing is that since last week, any facebook status i've put on facebook she has liked (shes gone from No contact to likeing facebook and sending me odd text every now and then) I have NO problem with being civil and chatting etc but im worried she is trying to worm her way back to me??? The relationship ended mutually in the end so there is no hatred between us and we can be civil but I dont want to be in a position where she wants to get back together and im stuck im limbo between the 2 girls
Then again I could be blowing this out of proportion and she could just be trying to be friends....
0
Comments
In the meantime, the fact that you and this new girl are taking things relatively slowly means it's less likely to be just a rebound. That you're not jumping into bed straightaway suggests you could have a deeper connection and that there's the chance for something for the long term
Hi Krng,
Yeah I dont want to get back with her, Dont get me wrong we had some good times but I know if we did rekindle it would fall apart again.
Thanks for your advice, really is appreciated
Please stop seeing having sex with someone who consents to it as disrespecting. Some people, regardless of gender, feel earlier ready to have sex, others like the gradual climb of new reached levels (holding hands, kisses, making out, ...). You don't have to make assumptions on how other people feel about the length of time that shall pass before having sex.
Same thing with the sex, nobody can tell you when you are ready again to date. If you feel she is lovely and can happily imagine a relationship then why should this be a rebound? I think you can make that choice for yourself and if you don't enter this relationship with the intention of it being a rebound, then it won't be.
Again. Why don't you trust yourself to make choices? you said you wanna date girl2 and don't go back together with girl1. She can only let her worm herself back in if you let her. If you can deal with the occasional text or fb message, great, if not, then go NC again, you don't owe her shit. If she starts to show signs of wanting to get back together tell her you are happily dating someone else and to please cease flirting or talk of getting back together.
I really don't see any problem anywhere.
It's great that you've found some of the stuff on The Site helpful.
Like StrubbleS and krng have already said, it seems like you're into this girl and have thought about the relationship a fair bit. You may have already seen the On the rebound article, but it might be helpful, it goes through some of the signs that someone is on the rebound.
You say that you're worried what your ex would think if you've got together with someone else and that your ex is also starting to reach out to you more on Facebook. I wonder if you've spoken to your ex since the break up? You say that she might be trying to be friends with you, after all, you've had some good times together and you say that the split was mutual.
It may be helpful to have a chat with her to see how she's getting on, it might also be a good opportunity for you to mention that you've started seeing someone else. She may hear the news from a mutual friend and so it could be worth you thinking about whether you'd rather tell her yourself- although this might be a difficult conversation to have.
Either way, it seems like you're in a good place right now and it's great that you're taking the time to think about what you really want.
I hope this has helped a little and have a great holiday!
Emily