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Confessions about boyfriends
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, I've liked boys, and some boys like me. I've just never had a boyfriend. Why? I think I may be scared of having a boyfriend. I don't know why.
When I like boys, I usually keep it to myself and nobody finds out because I don't talk about that kinda stuff to my friends. I never ask them out and they usually end up getting other girlfriends anyways. It's not that I'm not confident enough to ask them (well, it might be but I've never attempted to ask anyone out so I wouldn't know), but I say to myself 'you don't need a boyfriend, you'll be fine single'. Plus there's one really scary thing about relationships which I hate, and that's sex. Yes, I'm scared of sex. I've never had it and I'm scared of doing it. I don't know what to do if I was to, What if my hygiene isn't up to standard? It could be really embarrassing. I would be content just going through a whole relationship without having sex.
Also, boys do ask me out and admit that they like me, but I always reject them. I don't say I don't like them back because sometimes I do. But because I reject them they think that I don't like them. I'm again saying to myself at that moment 'you don't need a boyfriend'. Then the next step is me leaving them too long and they get girlfriends, and I feel sad because that could have been me.
The chance has gone.
Plus, I don't really want to date anyone from my area because, basically, I don't like the sort of people where I live. They're all false, fake, and sometimes criminals.
Now, I guess I'm kinda fed up of being alone. Nobody there to support me as I live on my own. Just me and the dog. - So now I've got that off my chest, I can finally see why I've been alone for almost 2 decades.
When I like boys, I usually keep it to myself and nobody finds out because I don't talk about that kinda stuff to my friends. I never ask them out and they usually end up getting other girlfriends anyways. It's not that I'm not confident enough to ask them (well, it might be but I've never attempted to ask anyone out so I wouldn't know), but I say to myself 'you don't need a boyfriend, you'll be fine single'. Plus there's one really scary thing about relationships which I hate, and that's sex. Yes, I'm scared of sex. I've never had it and I'm scared of doing it. I don't know what to do if I was to, What if my hygiene isn't up to standard? It could be really embarrassing. I would be content just going through a whole relationship without having sex.
Also, boys do ask me out and admit that they like me, but I always reject them. I don't say I don't like them back because sometimes I do. But because I reject them they think that I don't like them. I'm again saying to myself at that moment 'you don't need a boyfriend'. Then the next step is me leaving them too long and they get girlfriends, and I feel sad because that could have been me.
The chance has gone.Plus, I don't really want to date anyone from my area because, basically, I don't like the sort of people where I live. They're all false, fake, and sometimes criminals.
Now, I guess I'm kinda fed up of being alone. Nobody there to support me as I live on my own. Just me and the dog. - So now I've got that off my chest, I can finally see why I've been alone for almost 2 decades.
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Comments
Do you feel sexually attracted to people, or do you not have nay thoughts of desires of sexual activity? Maybe you feel you associate more with asexuality?http://www.asexuality.org/home/
Or, if you feel you do want to experience sexually relationships, I would reccomend getting to know your own body first. I know that can be a daunting thought, but sitting in front of a mirror with no clothes on is a good way to get to know your body and feel confident about it. If you want to delve into masturbation then thesite has a good advice page here: http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/masturbation/masturbating-3729.html
I think it's important to be confident in yourself before you can enter a relationship. Don't rush into a relationship, get to know and trust someone first and don't put pressure on yourself to find the perfect guy straight away. If you like a guy then slowly get to know them better, go for a few coffee dates and see how it progresses. Try not to worry about announcing you like someone straight away, just see how the friendship progresses
Oh and if you're ever with someone and they try to make you have sex or do something you don't want to then they are not the one for you and you need go walk away. Peer pressure can be a horrible thing but just remember it's what you want to do that is important. Not what society says you should do.
I am 19yrs. - I feel attracted to people but just feel as if I want to be with them, not to be with them to have sex if that makes sense? Is it possible to have a relationship without sex? Does this make me asexual? I'm confused.
Nothing is impossible, you just have to find someone who has the same attitude towards sex. This is a very difficult thing to do, let me tell you. While not wanting sex in any form would indeed make you asexual I think it is a bit early to label yourself as such. You didn't even have a relationship yet, because you keep blocking suitors off, because you are probably anxious. If you have trouble being in a relationship it is a 100 years too early to decide if you will never want sex. It does not sound like that sex does not interest you, but that you'd refrain because you are scared (like you said) of embarrassment.
Like I said, I would really start fighting with your inner demons, that there is no sense for a normal person who takes a shower a day to worry about hygiene standards for example.
Conincidentally I read something profound today which I will copy here for you:
"Every time we refuse honest interaction by belittling our feelings out of self-preservation we preclude any possibility of growth. By avoiding being vulnerable, we remain in a state of isolated distress."
You need to dare yourself going into a relationship, not wuss out, because it's easier being at home watching re-runs of Columbo, but surely not gratifying in the long run. I recently got to know a person, and while I am nervous about it, there is no doubt in my mind that I will travel to my neighbor country, where she is located to meet her. Once I am on the ship my stomach will fly out of my body of anxiety, but I will have no problem with that, because good stuff only happens if you DARE to do them. You really need to jump over your shadow and just do something. You can only experience bungee jumping if you actually do the hardest part and jump of the platform. If you don't, how can you ever experience the wonderful sensation that follows? You can't. And in the same vein - even if it sounds patronizing to you - you should not entertain thoughts of asexuality and get you into deeper trouble by labeling yourself as something just so you can remain comfortably in your shell of ignorance.
Think about that for a moment.