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My sister

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
So my moving day is this saturday now. Excited and scared all at once!

Im feeling so guilty about my sister though. Ive asked her about it and she says its fine that im moving out but her boyfriend told me shes starting to feel weird about it. I feel like im abandoning her now

On the other hand, ive felt continually pushed out by her boyfriend who i dont get on with, and recently theyve been talking about moving in together which will probably mean her moving to his - about 2 hours away. This is making me resent their relationship and i wouldnt be able to be happy if they lived togethre.

I think i need to get out on my own and live my own life but i dont want her to move away with him and we'll never see each other. Our brother died nearly 8 years ago so i think thats made us so much closer but we're both at points of moving out and starting our own lives now.

Sounds weird i know but i feel like ive been replaced, and by somebody i cant stand quite frankly, mixed with guilt that im the one leaving

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sooner or later you need to move out though, unless you want to become Selma and Patty from the Simpsons with your sister. I know it is a bit of a jump into the cold water to leave the nest, but you are not abandoning anyone. She's not even by herself. Also, as much as you dislike her boyfriend and disapprove of her moving together with her b/f: It's none of your business, as harsh as that sounds, so you have to deal with it, even though this doesn't make you happy. It's your life you need to live and her's that she needs to live.

    That also does not mean that you can't stay in touch.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How old is your sister?

    From what you've said, it sounds like you're far more worried about it than your sister is. If you're concerned about about losing touch with your sister then maybe you moving out first isn't such a bad thing. That way you two can get into the habit of meeting up (not at your parents house) and doing stuff together in a more adult way and then the habit is set for when she moves out.

    It does also sound from what you've written that your concern might be that by not being there you're not going to be able to fight her boyfriend for space in her life. Whether or not you like the guy, she obviously does, and it's her who's going out with him. To me, the bigger challenge to your relationship with your sister is probably going to be her boyfriend rather than you moving out. You say you wouldn't be able to be happy if they lived together, which is a pretty strong statement. Any reasons behind that?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the replies are right, in that you need to do what is right for you. If you have decided it it time to move out, then you have obviously thought about this a lot and decided it is a good path for you. Moving out can be great, so try not to let feelings like this hamper that for you. You may find that you can actually have a better relationship with your sister after moving, as it will be a more mature relationship. You will be seeing each other because you choose to, not because you are in the same house, and you will find you may have more to talk about and it can be a really nice new step in your relationship. Hopefully you can stay close- perhaps make a 'date' with her now, so you know you will see her again soon and make sure you go on to make it a regular thing. Perhaps tea and cake once a week in town or something simple like that. By staying close you can ensure that if she does decide to move out herself, you are there to support her. It may turn out to be a good thing for her, or it may not, but by making the effort to stay close emotionally, then she will always know you are there to fall back on if she needs someone to listen. If she does move further away then there is always Skype and you two could also have fun sleepovers sometimes or weekends away together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Lexi99,
    It seems like you are in a tough place right now, you feel guilty, scared and excited. It must be really hard to juggle all those emotions at once. However, it seems like you have thought about how you would like your life to be, which includes moving. If your sister is fine, do you think that your sisters boyfriend may be expressing that she is feeling very similar emotions to you, excited and scared at the same time. I think that everyone feels comfortable with routine and so any change, however good is likely to seem odd to begin with. If your sisters boyfriend is not the sort of person you get along with, then moving may help to lessen the tensions between you. You may find that having less frequent contact may make the contact you do have more bearable. It may also be worth telling you sister how you feel, as you may be able to work out how to get quality time together despite the move creating greater distance between you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The whole world should feel like your home. So don't see it as you "moving out". See it as you "moving a few more rooms away." As you said, you'll still see her.
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