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Crisis.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Feeling in crisis with no where to turn.

Been on the phone with crisis team twice today telling then how bad I'm feeling and pretty much the only advice they've had for me is 'sleep and see how you feel' but I can barely manage sleep, and even when I do, the demands of caring kick in.

I don't want to do anything to put myself at risk but I feel like I need to. I'm trying to keep myself safe but it's proving difficult.

My brother just had one of his anger outburst which I always seem to be on the end of and he basically just sat and told me everyone hates me and I'm a waste of space so on top of all my own thoughts, I have his as well.

He then asked me if he could kill someone and I said sure, he asked who and I said me. I know he never would but I just wished he would. He randomly started telling me to 'play dead' and all I wanted to tell him was I didn't want to play dead, I want to be dead. Life just seems like too much to handle. I have no idea what to do or where to turn.

Guess sleeping is my only option...


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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry to hear you're in crisis, I have found the same with crisis they either care or don't. Could you speak to another member of the team and try tell bluntly how bad things are?


    Sorry I've not much to say that could help sending you hugs xx


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've given up with the crisis team now. They aren't being much help.

    Thank you Liz:)


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's crisis team for you I've found that myself depending who's on, some say have a bath and go sleep it's like helllooooo do you think I'm stupid or what!!!

    How you doing today?!


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know! Like do they really think we'd call if we hadn't tried that all already?!

    Not so good, just trying to keep myself distracted and busy


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hope you find someone at crisis you can talk to there's one who I speak to and she's brill they just have a general chat with you about what you do and life in general really helps sometimes just to calm things. Hopefully there's someone like that at yours who takes the time to talk and not give silly ideas you've ready tried.


    Sorry to hear things aren't good, here if you want to chat :)


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah that would be great. I shall try again shortly!
    Thank you :) I appreciate it!


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Crisis.

    Everything i do seems to be the wrong thing. I'm trying so hard to keep myself alive and it's exhausting. I know my parents are noticing the difference and I'm trying to hide it as much as I can. I know friends are starting to notice and I don't want them to. I hate people worrying. Knowing camhs are worried is enough to make me feel bad but to know in worrying friends/family? Nope, I can't. I just wish everything would go back to 'normal'. I wish my brain would just stop being a shit and I wish I could function without having the constant thoughts of how much easier being dead would be.

    Need to try and keep myself going until at least Tuesday when I see the psychiatrist... I don't know what I'm even expecting to come out of that but I can't keep living like this. As much as I hate telling anyone how im feeling/what's going on, I can't keep up this brave face act. I need things to get better and soon. I can't be like this for much longer.


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi

    Sorry to hear things are still bad did you manage to contact crisis again and get a different person?


    Do you see anyone at camhs that you can be open with? It's good to hear you have a psych appt coming up try and be honest I hope things will help you :)

    You definitely aren't better off dead remember death means no seconds chances you can get through this you are stronger than you think.

    Here if you need to talk lovely :) xx


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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey,

    No, i didn't bother to try and contact them again... I kinda just feel like I'm wasting their time now.

    Kinda, I struggle being open with anyone. I wrote a letter kind of thing to my worker last week about how bad things are going at the moment and whatever, hence crisis team and pysch stuff going on.

    Yeah, trying to keep that in mind!

    thank you again, I'm sorry if my posts get annoying. I didn't wanna make a new post last night so just thought i'd add one here xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You aren't annoying at all if it helps as an outlet spam away on the boards or inbox me if you wanted :)

    You aren't annoying crisis or anything that's what I think when I ring but one lady always tells me I'm not and I can ring anytime even if it's just for a chat then that's fine.


    I'm glad you were able to be open to your worker and that things are moving to help you better.


    Sending you hugs x


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