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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
My mum is pretty upset. My aunty had a go at her for how people like me are on benefits.

I have justified reasons why I on ESA and DLA.

I hate being on benefits and would love to be able to work. One day I hope that dream will come true but right now, think of working is unrealistic. I'm too unstable. Was in hospital yesterday after a suicide attempt. Am on 5 different psychotropic medications just to keep me as stable as possible.

I have tried voluntary work but since my friend commited suicide I've only been in once and really find it hard to get out because my anxiety is so bad.

I want to get back into it but don't know if it is too soon. It's charity shop work and I don't know if I could face all the customers. And just the fear of going out.

I have like I said justified reasons for claiming benefits but now I just feel like a fraud.

If she has a problem with me being on benefits she should come to me, not go and upset my mum. I want to ring her up and speak to her. My mums pretty down right now and can't take much more. She's really emotional and keeps messing up by accident, I've advised her to go to the GP if things don't improve within a few days.

My aunty doesn't know what it is like to struggle mentally or with money. She's lucky her and her family are physically and mentally healthy, and don't have any problems with money. Shes always been able to buy pretty much whatever she wanted. Shes never been poor like my family have.

I get enough money on benefits that I can spend money on things other than the essentials, like doing things to look forward to for my wellbeing, and that is partly what DLA is for, helping you be able to afford to do thing to improve your quality of life.

I don't know whether I should say something to her.

I can't believe how ignorant she is being, and I'm so mad she upset my mum.

Like I say I wish I was able to work and not be on benefits, but that is how my life i right now. My mental health is my priority right now. I wouldn't last two minutes in a job. I wasn't even allowed to college last year because I was too unwell having psychotic episodes.

I don't know what to do?

I feel like someone should put her in her place.



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there,
    Sorry to hear you have a difficult time at the moment about what your Aunty said to your mum. It has clearly upset you and understandably so.

    Confronting your Aunty about can be a difficult and daunting task.

    It's really your decision whether to confront her or not after weighing up the pros and cons.

    I think it's good that you have thought about this first before confronting her as a quick response in anger can come out all wrong.

    Think about what it is that your Aunty said and exactly how it made you feel. Think about any triggers that may upset you again if you do decide to talk to her about this. This is important so that if you speak to her then you can be as calm as possible to get your point of view across properly.

    If you do approach her about this, then be prepared for the possibility that once you have said your piece your Aunty will disagree with you. It's really brave of you to want to stand up for yourself and put point of view across. However your Aunty also has her own opinions but the way she puts them across may be upsetting to you again. She may even give you new information which may make you re-consider your position. I think it's important to go in with an open mind and be prepared for a negative response as well as a positive one.

    If you are going to do this, then it's a good idea to plan what you are going to say before hand. Focus on exactly what has upset you and why.

    A few benefits I have thought of are; 1) You feel more confident for facing a difficult situation, 2) You are able to change your Aunty's view on this and 3) You have a more positive relationship with your Aunty. There are probably more. So think about them and the cons to help you make your decision.

    You may find this article on theSite useful. It's about confronting a friend so it's a bit different but it may still help.

    I hope this helps.

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in a similar boat - I haven't been able to work for nearly 3 years due to my physical and mental health issues. I've had people have a go at me and tell me I'm a scrounger but at the end of the day they aren't in my mind or my body - they don't know how it feels and I couldn't care less about how they see me, that's not how I see myself - I have ambition and want to and plan to do more with my life, as it sounds like you do. So it's her problem not yours!! :)
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