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Just seems pointless.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just spent an hour in the shower crying over everything because i just don't know what to do anymore. I wish i could just sleep forever. Not necessarily die, but sleep.

First day back to school tomorrow after the Easter holidays and i really, really do not want to deal with people/trying to pretend I'm okay. I honestly don't feel like i have the energy to deal with it but i if i dont go to tomorrow, the chances of me going at all this week are slim but i really need to. College interview on Tuesday makes me want to cry. I don't want to even go to college next year. I need a break but my parents will scream if i don't go. I secretly hope I completely fuck it up so then I dont have to bother but I know it'll make things worse.

Meh, i don't know what to do.

Comments

  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Nikki,

    Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. How have the first couple of days back been? Did you manage to make it in?

    It sounds like you're in quite a low place and that you feel you have to pretend to everyone you're okay. That must be exhausting, especially on top of all the school work. Maybe letting someone in would help a bit? Posting here is a great step! Is there anyone you feel you could talk to about how you're really feeling? It can be scary, but telling someone is often an important start to feeling more on top of things.

    Hope the interview went okay. Let us know how you're getting on :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Nikki,

    How are you feeling today? I hope your first day back at school went okay and your interview too? I'm glad you felt able to post on here, we are all here to offer any support and advice we can and I know words are hard to believe but you are not alone, you don't have to fight these battles on your own.

    Do you have anyone you trust that you feel you could talk to at all? Sometimes it can help to write all your feelings down on a piece of paper, or in a letter form as if maybe your writing to your parents to tell them how you really feel and you don't have to give it to them but sometimes it can help all those feelings that are trapped inside that you can't let out and express being able to let them out in some way. As it can be so hard keeping up a brave face, I do that too a lot and its a big weight on your shoulders to have to keep pretending to everyone that your okay and everything's fine.

    I know it's not as easy as it says but take one day at a time, one hour, one minute. Just one goal at a time, no matter how small it is.

    Hope your okay today.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi,

    I didn't make it monday, i was too drained. Made it tuesday though, just as well since i had a camhs appointment. Tried to talk things through with the but i don't feel like they're really listening. I dont feel like anyone really cares atm and its just making everything harder. I kinda feel like I'm just in the way of everyone and everything recently and I don't know what to do.

    Interview went well and I got in and i know it should be a reason to be happy but i just feel so rubbish and I feel like I shouldn't feel so bad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey,

    Not good at all. I didn't go Monday but managed tuesday and today. Interview went well and it should be a reason to be happy but I just feel so bad :(

    I tried to talk to camhs about it all but I couldn't open up about it all and the things i did open up about, they didn't seem to care. I dont feel like they really care about me and its only making things worse. I dont feel like i have anyone or anything... I tend to try and write a lot down but it doesn't seem to be making much difference recently really. I just wish I could actually tell someone how bad things are getting... I just dont know what to do :/
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey Nikki,

    It's tough when it feels like no one cares or listens to what you're trying to say. That's bound to make you feel a bit rubbish. Was it your first CAMHS session? Sometimes it can take a few sessions to really find the words to tell them what's really going on - it's not easy.

    You said that you tend to write a lot down. Even though it's not making much difference at the moment, maybe you could show some of what you've written to CAMHS. Do you think that would help?

    Congratulations on the interview! You might not feel that chuffed about it now, which is understandable given everything else happening, but it's something you can feel proud of when the time comes :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi again,

    Nope been seeing CAMHS for about 8 months now. Doesn't seem to be getting any better.

    That might help... I could always try it. Anythings worth a try right not to be honest.

    Thank you, i don't think its quite sunk in yet. Just waiting for it to :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Nikki,

    Just wanted to offer massive :hugs: and ask how you're doing today?


    Really big congratulations about the interview, even if it's not sunk in yet, it's still great! :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey charlie,

    thanks! hmm, not so good tbh but i'll be okay. How are you?

    Thanks a lot :)
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