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What's most important to you in a lover or partner?

Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
All of us are a complex mix of (among other things) different personality traits and skills, beliefs and values, dreams and fears, physical characteristics and smells.

The examples I posted last week for finding/testing out new dates/lovers/partners all implied different ideas of what might be most important - looks, smell, (non-sexual) bed-sharing compatibility.

What are the most important things for you in a partner? Did those things play a part in how you first decided on your current or last crush/date/partner? Do those things stay important when you're with someone for a while?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Showing that they care about things and people beyond their own friends, work and themselves - Riotbf has a little boy who is the most important person in his life and he'll do anything for him. He dotes upon him (in a good way) and does all of the messy stuff as well as the fun stuff. He also has a level of empathy with people who aren't doing well and is very generous in spirit.

    Having the right level of sensitivity - I've had exs who had almost permanently high anxiety levels because they were too sensitive, but I've also had exs who weren't really in touch with themselves either. But Riotbf has the right level of being in touch with himself but not being anxious which is great.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How their brain works, and tied in with that their ability to deal with the weird way my mind works.

    Boy and I click, and we always have. He gets my dark cynicism, and my inability to switch off and I generally understand his workaholic tendencies. If that didn't work - then we wouldn't work.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she doesn't smell like stale cheese I am usually good to go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    If she doesn't smell like stale cheese I am usually good to go.

    Exacting standards! :D

    I like a girl who treats the D with a little more tenderness than someone trying to pull a plane out of a nosedive.
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
    Hairy manly man with good hygiene
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Thanks for your replies everyone.
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    Showing that they care about things and people beyond their own friends, work and themselves.

    Having the right level of sensitivity - I've had exs who had almost permanently high anxiety levels because they were too sensitive, but I've also had exs who weren't really in touch with themselves either. But Riotbf has the right level of being in touch with himself but not being anxious which is great.
    How their brain works, and tied in with that their ability to deal with the weird way my mind works.

    Boy and I click, and we always have. He gets my dark cynicism, and my inability to switch off and I generally understand his workaholic tendencies. If that didn't work - then we wouldn't work.

    Miss_Riot and Scary Monster, those sound like qualities which would keep being important throughout your relationship. Are they things that you need to be able to see right at the beginning when you meet someone?
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster

    I like a girl who treats the D with a little more tenderness than someone trying to pull a plane out of a nosedive.
    Annaarrr!! wrote: »
    Hairy manly man with good hygiene

    These are both the things that you could tell early on when you meet someone - are they deal-breakers? Some people feel like they need to meet someone who is just right from the off, which can mean rejecting people who you could work really well with, even if it requires some work (as all relationships do!). But on the other hand, it can be quite wearing and disappointing going into a relationship where you expect someone to change too much.

    Would someone need to tick certain boxes when you meet them? Or is it something you could work on together if other things seem good?

    Annaarrr - what if a man had a great but smelly beard, would you give him a chance along with some grooming advice?

    CptCoatHanger - would you stay with a girl who you liked but who had clumsy cockpit control, and work on technique together?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I guess the side of it that I'd need to be able to see right away is that they understand logic, and that they look beyond the superficial.

    That, and they get sarcasm.
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    I guess the side of it that I'd need to be able to see right away is that they understand logic, and that they look beyond the superficial.

    That, and they get sarcasm.

    It's good that you know what you want and what's important to you, sounds like you and your boy have a really nice understanding and acceptance of each other :)
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Posts: 876 Part of The Mix Family
    I honestly struggle to think of what I find attractive in guys, it is literally my boyf. If you ask me what my 'type' is its him. Not people who look like him just him :P It's all I really know and all I want to know.

    I didn't really notice that about him first tbh, it was his kind eyes more than anything, he does have an awesome beard though. I guess if you can tell a beard is dirty or smelly just meeting someone then it's a pretty big problem :P But yeah if most other things were great and he just had a smelly beard I'd probably give it a chance aha, a nice beard grooming kit as a present ;P
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