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What is abuse?
Danny!
Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
When we hear the word 'abuse', we tend to think of more extreme examples, such as sexual violence. But there are lots of other types of abuse which can have serious effects on a person, and which can also be warning signs for other types of abuse.
TheSite's article "What is abuse" lists the following warning signs that you're being abused in your relationship:
· You feel like they don't listen to you
· They pressure you into doing things you don't want to do
· They get jealous very easily
· They're constantly putting you down
· They make you feel guilty about seeing your family or friends, or stop you seeing them entirely
· They get worse if they're drunk, high, or have taken other drugs
· They try and control what you wear
· You feel they're controlling your money, or you having/getting a job
What do you think to these suggestions? Would you see all of these as abuse, or see some of them as something else? Are there other things that you'd add?
All opinions are welcome, but feel free to share personal experience as well if you feel comfortable doing so.
TheSite's article "What is abuse" lists the following warning signs that you're being abused in your relationship:
· You feel like they don't listen to you
· They pressure you into doing things you don't want to do
· They get jealous very easily
· They're constantly putting you down
· They make you feel guilty about seeing your family or friends, or stop you seeing them entirely
· They get worse if they're drunk, high, or have taken other drugs
· They try and control what you wear
· You feel they're controlling your money, or you having/getting a job
What do you think to these suggestions? Would you see all of these as abuse, or see some of them as something else? Are there other things that you'd add?
All opinions are welcome, but feel free to share personal experience as well if you feel comfortable doing so.
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Comments
Another thing that happened the other night might make people think that it might be a controlling relationship. He wanted to go out but i couldn't go with him, so he turned around and said he wasn't going to go out without me because if it were the other way round he wouldn't be comfortable with me going out without him and he wouldn't want to make me feel bad knowing he wasn't with me feeling incredibly uncomfortable. He changed his mind because he wanted to go out and relax and he told me i can go out without him. I know that a lot of people would be like what the fuck? But it actually made me appreciate the fact he wouldn't just go ahead and do something and then expect me to not do the same in the future. Once again its about compromise and just knowing what your partner is and isn't comfortable with, and if you can deal with that and you don't think its unreasonable, I'm not sure how it could be classed as controlling...
This one says everything that everyone does to me my Sister did it the other day tryed stopping me and contolling my life she said I can stay and go and see my mum when I want to and she going way behound the point. Beause I got abouse of someone and got the police involved now she telling I cont go and not listening to me I needed a break and sh was stopping me
Hi Annaarrr,
I get the impression that at one point you felt there were controlling elements in your relationship but you feel things have now moved on. Do you feel that this relates to how you communicate? For example, if your boyfriend is anxious about something, do you feel better able to try and see things from his point of view and then gently encourage him to relax? For instance, in the example you give above, you say he changed his mind which sounds like a good outcome - so do you think this is because you were able to support him to do that?
he changed his mind because he couldn't deal with being stuck in the house and needed to get out, and so me going out without him for a night was a smaller problem that he could deal with in the future. I didn't turn around to him and tell him to go out because that would've meant i was accepting double standards because he wouldve freaked of i had wanted to go out in the future. I understand him, and i understand he cant help being uncomfortable, but i also know its completely irrational. As long as hes respectful of me when he asks me not to do something because hes uncomfortable then its fine. Hence why it made me feel good that he wouldn't go out without me because he knew that if i were to do the same he could ruin my night by being all uncomfortable (his word not me assuming that's why he said no :P)