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Crazy stressed out! Ahhhh :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm literally on the edge of a mountain!

It's Mother's Day and my dad is making me feel rubbish because I'm not there and my mums pretending everything is okay!
I have a disciplinary with uni tomorrow for some pathetic complaint about a disturbing session which is killing me!
I start placement on the ward this week and I REALLY don't wanna go and was thinking of everything to get out of it!
I've got basketball varsity Wednesday which makes my anxiety 10x worse!
And my boyfriend is going home for a week and I'll be home alone which scares me ALOT!

I can't be alone I just can't

I'm stressing out and don't know what to do ahhhhh 😭


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Comments

  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey.

    Well done for posting about this. I am so sorry to hear how much you are struggling. Sending you a virtual hug :)

    Sorry to hear how your dad is making you feel, it doesn't feel very fair. How come you can't be there with your mum? I am sure your mum knows you love her and care about her. Sometimes pretending everything is okay is our way of coping through difficult times.

    With regards to the disciplinary, if you know what it is about it can give you a head start to make some points to back yourself up and defend yourself. I have been through a disciplinary at work and I know they are not the nicest things but hopefully you will be okay. Good luck.

    Is there anybody you can talk to about the placement to ease you worries about it. What placement is it?

    Sorry to hear that you are going to be on your own, is there anybody you could contact to maybe stay with or get somebody to stay with you, have you got distractions in place to help when you are feeling like this, maybe planning things to do while you are on your own, fun things, what interest you. That way you are distracted and maybe it will make being alone a little easier for you.

    Keep posting and let us know how you are.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for you reply BananaMonkey,

    Thanks for the hug

    I'm studying in London and my family are back in Manchester and I didn't have time to go back home! My parents don't know how I feel they just think I'm being selfish :(

    I'm totally dreading it, not got out of bed all day, just don't know what to do with myself today

    My placement is for my nursing and working on an ambulatory care unit but I'm just need mentally prepared for it yet I feel sick thinking about it.

    I've stopped eating too because I just can't :(

    I can't talk to anyone everyone's turned their back on me!
    I broke down last night and it was horrible I'm just stuck in my head and i hate it

    I don't wanna be home alone.
    I find it so hard to distract myself because I know that I'm only doing it because I'm trying to distract myself ahhhhh it's so confusing

    Thanks for your advice




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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    It's okay.

    Sorry to hear that your family think that. It must be difficult for you being in London and away from your family. Your family should understand though. I think it is hard to think that people understand when we feel so down in ourselves.

    How about maybe trying to get out of bed and just go and make yourself a drink or something small like that. Or having a shower, things like that can make us feel heaps better about ourselves.

    I do hope your placement goes okay, and hopefully you can enjoy it, I know the idea of it worries you, but sometimes we have the fear in our heads but the reality isn't as bad. Maybe that is a case with your placement.

    Sorry to hear you have stopped eating, how long has this been going on for?

    I know you say people have turned against you, but maybe you could talk to a doctor a helpline, or somebody else you can trust. I really think you should talk about all this it may help you feel better, but carry on talking on here though lovely. We are here for you.

    No I think I understand about the whole "distracting yourself" I sometimes feel like that, kind of like you are just doing things cos you have to, stay distracted. Not cos you want to do those things? Is that what you mean?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah it kinda sucks being so far away but when I'm around people I wanna be alone too!

    I'm totally confusing to be around. I managed to have a wash and get partially dressed so that's a start.

    I hope it goes okay too, depending on whether I turn up :/

    It's only been since yesterday I haven't eaten but I just don't want to :(

    My doctor is rubbish just fobs me off with medication, I've just started CBT so gotta see how that goes!

    Yeah your totally right you got it in better words than me it's like yeah I don't want to do something such as go shopping because I know it's not because I want to do it it's because I have to do it to distract myself from doing stupid things! All I seem to do lately is get drunk :(

    Thank you for listening to me go on and moan :)


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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Sometimes being alone is okay. I actually prefer my own company but I enjoy being around people too, Maybe it is just that at the minute you prefer to be alone for a bit. That is okay too.

    It is good that you managed to have a wash, and get part dressed- well done :)

    I could be totally wrong here but you not eating is it cos you are feeling low, or is there other reasons behind it? When we don't eat it can have massive effects on our moods and can make us feel worse cos we don't have the energy and good stuff that food gives us.

    Sorry to hear about your doctor, but hopefully now that you have started CBT you will start to notice some changes for the better. I haven't tried CBT but I have heard lots of good things about it.

    Drinking isn't the answer lovely, it will just result in a hangover, but people deal with things in their own way so I am not gonna lecture you about drinking, Does this happen quite often at the minute? Getting drunk. TheSite has a really good article on drinking here could be worth having a look, it could help you :)

    It is okay, I am here and you are not moaning and going on, you are struggling and it is really good that you are opening up
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks BananaMonkey

    Yeah sometimes I wanna be alone then when I'm alone I wanna be around people then wanna be alone again!

    Yeah I'm not eating because I'm down and down about the way I look and feel! I'm not happy with myself in any way :(

    I had my first session last week, was interesting better than counselling which I didn't like but makes you hear things you don't wanna hear

    I know i shouldn't drink but it's the only thing that makes me happy because it sends me I to oblivion! Drinking a lot at least 3/4 times a week, I would more if I could afford too or my boyfriend won't get upset with me for drinking too much and thanks for the article I'll give it a read

    Thanks again


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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    It's okay.

    Yeah I fully relate to that feeling, maybe trying to find a middle ground is the way forward, like seeing somebody each day, start small- it could just be grabbing a coffee with a friend or going to the cinema, or anything that relates to you- your interests.

    Thank you for being so honest about the not eating thing. TheSite have some good stuff on eating and self esteem which could also be helpful to you. :) I haven't linked them cos I think there are a few that may help you, but I guess it's probably best you take a look yourself to see what you think will help you the most.

    You deserve to get better and feel happy again. I promise you.

    I am glad you found that session interesting and better than counselling that is a positive and something to be happy about, I know it may not feel like it but you are making steps to get better.

    It sounds like drinking does help you, so now it's about finding something else that can take that place that doesn't harm you. You say it sends you into oblivion. Can you explain that feeling?

    Hey no need to thank me, just trying to help :)
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I know what you mean like I want to do things like that but then I just have no motivation to do anything, my boyfriend tries to get me out of the house all the time and I just don't want to

    I will look at some of the things you advised. I just want to get better :(

    Yeah I'm hoping the CBT will get me back on track to getting better it's just the time between each session that's killing me :(

    The oblivion is just where I don't have to care about anything and can get away with not caring because I'm drunk but I always end up in trouble 9/10,


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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I sometimes lack motivation to do things, but once I am out of the house I am okay. Sometimes it can be the actual thought of doing something that makes us not want to do it, but once you do it you realise it isn't that bad, and you can enjoy it.

    I understand you want to get better and you are taking steps to get better, you have to start somewhere and the fact that you have been so honest on this thread is a start and then there is the CBT- you should be super proud of yourself.

    Is CBT once a week? Could you maybe talk to the counsellor about maybe giving you tasks to do in between, kind of like homework? I know some counsellors do that.

    So the drinking is kind of like a escape for you, to stop you from caring/thinking?

    It sounds like you need something else to take that place to stop you from getting into trouble.

    What are your interests? I know you may not think you have any, but have a think. Everyone has something they like, something that helps them. For me it's music, I make different playlists, write different lyrics down, that kind of stuff. It helps me escape from the thoughts in my head.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah my motivation is the worst, I haven't even got out of bed today

    Yeah CBT is once a week, Ive to start a behaviour diary next week but I know I'll mess it up like I do everything

    Yeah the drinking is like that for me, I just love to be drunk and in my own world but then hate myself for it the next day

    Same with eating I guess I don't eat then I binge then I feel bad about it

    I love music but I always get really bad migraines so find it hard to listen to long, I also play on my iPad a lot but I'm always in bed when I do which I guess doesn't help


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  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey

    Sorry I didn't reply yesterday. I just wanted to pop by and ask how today went?

    A behaviour diary sounds like it could be beneficially for you, I am sure you don't mess things up, I know it may seem like that at the minute but it wont always be this way.

    Sorry to hear about the migraines, have you been to a doctor about those?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey,

    no worries, thanks for the reply

    yeah i hope it will be as long as i keep up with it but knowing i wat to get better should motivate me i guess

    yeah ive been docs and they just say its stress and strain on my eyes, ive rubbish eye sight and wearing contacts too long doesnt help

    today wasnt too bad thanks. as i said i was a bit upset and anxious, was a little annoyed at my 'friends' but got through it with just a shouting at but so patronising i was angry but mehhh its done now

    now gotta deal with started placement tomorrow :(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    That is good knowing that you want to get better, and it's an amazing first step.

    I went through a stage of not wanting to get better and it wasn't a nice time, so I am glad that you want to get better. You should be super proud of yourself lovely.

    Do you wear glasses too, or just contacts, cos sometimes giving your eyes a break and wearing glasses can help.

    I am sorry to hear today was difficult for you- it's over with now though which is a positive.

    You will get through tomorrow. Is there anybody you can have a chat with before you go in tomorrow, or even somebody at the placement?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ahhh im glad you got through that stage, it can be hard! took me a long time to realise i was ill i was in denial i guess

    i wear glasses majority of the time but my contacts seem to strain me more but need to get my eyes tested again i guess

    yeah im glad its over with now, took me a lot of building up to get to today but i can try and forget about it now

    im in a bit of a dilemma tbh and dont know what to do :(
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Yeah maybe just getting your eyes testing is a good idea. I have to get mine tested quite often cos I am blind in my right eye, and it's a lazy eye too.

    Aye I think trying to move on from is it is the way forward.

    What is your dilemma?
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    awww bless yah, my left eye is so lazy and just doesnt work really

    my dilemma is i start placement tomorrow which i will attend then my boyfriend is going home on wednesday and i wanna go with him but ive to complete my three week placement and also he doesnt trust me to be home alone because hes scared of what ill do and so i am

    but what am i gonna say to uni without getting kicked off

    im stuck
  • JamesJames Deactivated Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Hey unforgiven,

    How did your first day of placement go yesterday? You seemed to be feeling pretty anxious about it. Are you feeling any better now that you've started?

    I gather your boyfriend's going home today. It's difficult facing these things on our own - are you planning on phoning/Skyping regularly while he's away?

    Let us know how you're doing :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey JPIck,

    I didn't go unfortunately I was too anxious and stressed out. Had my medication doubled and been told I've to take time off uni. I'm annoyed because I thought things were getting better but meh :(

    Yeah he's going home we will have regular contact I'm hoping that in the next couple of days I can go with him.

    Thanks for your reply


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