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how do you have a healthy relationship after abuse?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Warning may trigger sorry

I grew up in a very unhealthy situation where I was sexually abused by a family member. I know that's in the past and I'm trying to move on.

I want to be able to have my own family one day but I need to be able to have a safe relationship for that to happen. I've had relationships in the past but, well, it's never got err physical if you know what I mean. Whenever it's starting to get to that I get scared and break up with them

I need to be able to find someone who is willing to work through stuff with me as it comes up. But whenever I've had relationships before I've never been able to talk to them about it. I don't want them to feel sorry for me or anything, the past is the past, but I need them to understand.

I'm starting to think it's not possible to have that *sigh*

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Very sorry to hear this. Have you had any counselling or any other therapy?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    First of all, big hug *hug*

    Trust me, it's possible. It's about finding that person that you are eventually able to trust enough to talk to about what happened and your feelings/fears, before you take that step as a couple in a relationship. Have you ever tried talking to your partner about it in these past relationships?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I've been having psychotherapy which has been really helpful but I still don't think I would be able to take that step with a partner.

    And no I haven't ever told a partner about the past, I've always been too scared of what they would say, I've never really spoken to anyone other than my therapist about it, and even with her I haven't spoken about any details or anything.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    NAPAC are an amazing organisation who have a helpline and the people who man the line are really helpful and it's a good place to talk about things like how to tell a partner. People are a lot more understanding than you might think.

    PM me if you'd like to talk more :)
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