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How many people have you slept with?

Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
When someone asks this question, whether it’s a friend or a lover, there’s often a lot more meaning attached than just asking out of interest.

The “rule of three” states that when you ask someone how many people they’ve had sex with, you should divide a man’s number by three, as they will always add extra to try and impress people. Conversely, you should multiply a woman’s number by three as there’s a social pressure to avoid being seen as promiscuous.

I think a “rule of two” might be more accurate, but maybe that depends on age. What do you think to the “rule of three”. Is it a good general rule? Do the reasons I set out there work?

Why do you think there’s so much pressure to have had sex with the “right” number of people, so much so that people can feel driven to lie to their friends and partners?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think this is a really interesting topic, I agree wholly with you ini that I cannot understand why people feel the need to lie about a number.
    If its your life choice you should be proud if it right? Even if it didnt work out it was still an event in your life

    Maybe I only feel this way because at my age the number's less than 3 but I doubt my opinion of lying will change much as the years continue
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think there is pressure, in all fairness I've never felt the need to lie about it. I never lied about being a virgin or how many partners I had.

    However to answer your question, since I've been with the same person for 8 years I can barely remember those before that so it must be 8/9 (including the wife)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But then it also comes down to what people consider sex to be or not be. I've had lots of encounters that haven't involved penetration or even getting undressed but may have involved a good level of intimacy.

    To me I don't really care about someone being promiscuous, I'm more interested in their level of experience. I don't know how many people my man has slept with and he doesn't know about me either. I think it's a really hetero-normative and very British thing - I have Danish friends who see casual sex as a very normal part of being a single adult, they don't count how many sexual partners they've had.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    But then it also comes down to what people consider sex to be or not be. I've had lots of encounters that haven't involved penetration or even getting undressed but may have involved a good level of intimacy.

    I always considered putting my PeePee into her HooHoo as sex, anything else... not sex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hellfire wrote: »
    I always considered putting my PeePee into her HooHoo as sex, anything else... not sex.

    :lol:

    I don't understand why people feel the need to lie about the number of people they've slept with. It's part of you, your life, it's your decision and you should be proud of whatever that is.

    I'm 20 and I can happily say I have only slept with one person, my ex. So what if 'friends' think I should have slept with more, I don't feel pressured to lie about it and if I ever did, well they're not friends, are they?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    17. Going to get it up to 20 at least by the end of this year.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hellfire wrote: »
    I always considered putting my PeePee into her HooHoo as sex, anything else... not sex.

    Exactly hetero-normative! You're essentially saying gay people don't have sex! :p
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    None. Virgin here.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    Exactly hetero-normative! You're essentially saying gay people don't have sex! :p

    For him. Which is probably the only variety he's ever had any interest in.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that putting too much emphasis on penetration isn't that helpful. It ignores the other aspects of the physical and emotional relationship you might have had with partners. There's been a few women (say, 6) that I've been close to - some I've slept with, some I've been involved with emotionally, but these two aspects don't necessarily follow. Giving one number (3, technically based on penetration), doesn't begin to describe the experiences I've gained from those relationships. Those experiences are really what counts, what you have learnt and how it changes your future relationships.

    That said, I can find support for the "rule of three" (or two, or whatever). As a man I got gentle teasing about the fact I hadn't lost my virginity until my mid twenties. Likewise I don't know that many female friends who are happy to admit to having large numbers of sexual partners (whereas some male friends are quite happy to). To my mind it comes down to cultural expectations, which, like or loath it are rooted in the basic biology of sex and women having the possibility of becoming pregnant.
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    I don't know how many people my man has slept with and he doesn't know about me either. I think it's a really hetero-normative and very British thing - I have Danish friends who see casual sex as a very normal part of being a single adult, they don't count how many sexual partners they've had.

    The Dane approach sounds quite healthy and is interesting to hear about :) Have you always felt this way about knowing or not knowing about your boyfriend's sexual history or do you think there was a time when you felt the need to know? And if you have in the past, do you think there's any reason it can be good to know?
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hellfire wrote: »
    I don't think there is pressure, in all fairness I've never felt the need to lie about it. I never lied about being a virgin or how many partners I had.

    Is this something you and your wife talked about early on in the relationship? Can you remember how those conversations panned out?
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Skive wrote: »
    None. Virgin here.

    :lol: c'mon, you can give us more than that!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    None. Virgin here.

    Is your forthcoming child a bit like Jesus? :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    The Dane approach sounds quite healthy and is interesting to hear about :) Have you always felt this way about knowing or not knowing about your boyfriend's sexual history or do you think there was a time when you felt the need to know? And if you have in the past, do you think there's any reason it can be good to know?

    I'm not sure about needing to know, but I think that for me at least there are potentially definite benefits in having some rough idea. If the overall experience is pretty similar, then there's not much to be gained - but if there's a significant different between the two people then having some awareness of that can only help things.

    The obvious circumstances would be one person being a virgin and the other not, but even when there's a step different in recent activity for each.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    Is this something you and your wife talked about early on in the relationship? Can you remember how those conversations panned out?


    She knew before we even became a couple, we were friends before for a two to three years

    Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    5 but been intimate with more.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    Is your forthcoming child a bit like Jesus? :D

    That would make me a bit like God. Ill go with that.

    I dont know how many people ive slept with ...thats not to say its a lot but i really havent ever kept count. Its probably too many by some peoples standards but ive always been of the opinion that as long as you safe and having fun it doeant really matter. And ive always thought he idea that men are to be celebrated for having lota of partners whilst women should keep they're knickers on is ridiculous.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **helen** wrote: »
    The Dane approach sounds quite healthy and is interesting to hear about :) Have you always felt this way about knowing or not knowing about your boyfriend's sexual history or do you think there was a time when you felt the need to know? And if you have in the past, do you think there's any reason it can be good to know?

    A few years ago I might have wanted to know, curiosity more than anything. But now apart from the "is there anything I need to know" conversation it's been a while since I've wanted to know. I think it's once you get past the stage of having had a good few serious relationships it's just not an issue anymore.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't see it as being something that should impact the relationship (as long as all partners were legal/consensual) but I usually ask just for curiosity sake.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Same here. I ask because I'm curious. I'm nearly 31, and not many people get to my age without having had sex once or twice in their lives. It's just something I'm nosey about, and it's also part of finding out about your partner's history. I couldn't care if it was two or two hundred and two, I'm just nosey.

    I joke with Dr Roll that I've had sex once, just the once, and sodchild was my misfortune. Might stick to that, it's easier than arguing about what is and what is not sex.
    17. Going to get it up to 20 at least by the end of this year.

    <<insert sleazy comment here>>

    Joking aside, that's a strange target, if you don't mind me saying so. Regardless of lifestyle, I wouldn't set myself a target. It leads to bad choices, either sleeping with bad people to get numbers up or not sleeping with good people to keep them down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not so much a target as something I'm expecting to happen. I'm still picky as shit, worry not :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not so much a target as something I'm expecting to happen. I'm still picky as shit, worry not :)

    That makes much more sense, I never understood worrying about numbers. As I said before. If everyone is legal. It's safe and consneual then shag away I guess

    Sent from my HTC One using Tapatalk
  • Danny!Danny! Deactivated Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    You seem like a very open-minded group of people :)

    You all seem to agree that it shouldn't matter how many people someone's slept with.

    I just wondered whether that opinion/feeling matches with your personal experiences?
    krng wrote: »
    As a man I got gentle teasing about the fact I hadn't lost my virginity until my mid twenties. Likewise I don't know that many female friends who are happy to admit to having large numbers of sexual partners (whereas some male friends are quite happy to).

    There are obviously some people who are very concerned about numbers, sorry you experienced that krng. Have others of you had negative reactions of any sort for having slept with too many or not enough people? Have you thought differently of someone else for their number? Or have you been concerned by a partner's number?
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