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Feeling pressured into a suicide pact (may be triggering)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Being pressured to make a pact with another suicidal girl within the hospital. On one hand, I am liking the idea of a secure foolproof plan, can I take another person down with me? So confused.

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    AuroraAurora Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    Ellie :) wrote: »
    Being pressured to make a pact with another suicidal girl within the hospital. On one hand, I am liking the idea of a secure foolproof plan, can I take another person down with me? So confused.

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    Whose pressuring you to do that, Ellie? *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    WhispersOfTheHeart wrote: »
    Whose pressuring you to do that, Ellie? *hug*

    Another really ill girl. The problem is, a large part of me really wants to die, but a small part doesn't. And now it feels like I don't have a choice either way. Thank you for the hug x

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ellie :) wrote: »
    Another really ill girl. The problem is, a large part of me really wants to die, but a small part doesn't. And now it feels like I don't have a choice either way. Thank you for the hug x

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    I think you should speak to a nurse hun, you need to listen to that little bit of you that doesn't want to die and keep engaging with help. Don't let someone pressure you into a joint suicide. *hugs*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Broken-Angel wrote: »
    I think you should speak to a nurse hun, you need to listen to that little bit of you that doesn't want to die and keep engaging with help. Don't let someone pressure you into a joint suicide. *hugs*

    As B-A says, we'd urge you to talk to your nurse about what's happening Ellie, it's really worrying to hear about and it sounds like both of you need a lot of support at the moment.

    It may feel a comfort to have someone else that can empathise with how you feel but your feelings are your own and so are hers. You shouldn't feel pressured into anything.

    That part of you that wants to keep going - can you tell us a bit more about that maybe?

    Big hug *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that because you use the word 'pressured', this tells me that you don't really want to do it's not fair that someone is making you feel like this.

    I agree with Broken-Angel. You've got the help there and you should talk to them about how you're feeling. That little part of you that doesn't want to die, try focusing on that, and by doing that then hopefully that little part becomes a big part of you.

    Big hug *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The little part of me that wants to live only wants to live for my family. I've done something so daft though, we were just talking and discussing methods (I know it sounds a bit weird) but it honestly was just conversation at that point. And through my talking about stuff she told us we would do it together and she would help me. She now knows because of me of a very certain method of suicide through poisoning and I'm scared. Because I gave her the knowledge. I know I should tell the nurses but I don't want either of us to get into trouble. And I've grown super close to this girl and developed feelings for her I've only known her for three months on the ward but we spend most of our time together. It sounds stupid but I don't want to live without her. That's why a joint plan sounds ideal somehow. But yet again I'm terrified.

    Sorry for the long ramble

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've just read over what I just posted and think I gave the wrong impression. I know suicide is an extremely serious thing and I would never ever encourage anyone to do it. But being stuck on a psych ward for three months, it changes your perception of stuff. Issues and behaviours that may seem worrying in the community are everyday life in here and it becomes normal. You perceive things differently and certainly my sense of right and wrong has become distorted. I'm so confuse d about things right now and I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my last post by being slightly dismissive. That wasn't my intention xx

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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Ellie :) wrote: »
    I know I should tell the nurses but I don't want either of us to get into trouble. And I've grown super close to this girl and developed feelings for her I've only known her for three months on the ward but we spend most of our time together. It sounds stupid but I don't want to live without her. That's why a joint plan sounds ideal somehow. But yet again I'm terrified.

    Sorry for the long ramble

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    This isn't a ramble at all Ellie, it's really brave of you to keep coming back to talk about this and we're glad you are.

    It's interesting that you're worried about getting into trouble, as this suggests you still care about life - how people view you and respond to you, is this true?

    It sounds like you have quite a lot of potential to influence this girl and vice-versa, so perhaps just as you've been able to engage her in conversation about suicide, you also have the power to engage her in conversations about your potential for life together outside of hospital? If just one of you shares the thought of carrying on and having each other to do that - then maybe the other will feel relief that not only is there life beyond things right now, but also the opportunity to keep going with a friend.

    If you tell the nurse that you're terrified then it's likely to be a weight off your shoulders that you don't have the burden of responsibility any more, but do have a chance to truly recover.

    Nothing you say here sounds stupid, it just sounds like you're looking for some reassurance. Keep talking to us. *hug*
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hello again - was drafting my reply while you must have been posting your second reply... your awareness is admirable - being conscious of the impact on others makes a big difference :)

    Nevertheless, what I said still stands - nothing you said sounds stupid and it's important to keep talking.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I had a really serious chat with her yesterday, she says she will help me stay strong in hospital but ultimately she's still going to end her life at some point. I was sat with her last night and I couldn't stop crying, and I'm also struggling with my feelings for her, which she isn't aware of.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She tried to end her life this morning. They turned her into a zombie for the day. I feel like my heart is breaking. My mum says the family has given up on me

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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Hey Ellie.

    I am sorry I havent been there for you recently. I still care though. And I want you to know that I am here for you.

    Love you lots. :-) I am sorry to hear how youve been feeling. I am always here for you if you ever want a chat.

    We havent given up on you. You are gonna get through this. <3

    Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    *BananaMonkey* wrote: »

    We havent given up on you. You are gonna get through this. <3

    This.

    I'm so sorry your friend took things to the next stage, it must be really hard to see her sedated.

    It sounds like the family influence you've had over the years hasnt always had a positive impact on you - is this true? Are you able to recognise anyone who you feel has been there or times you've felt supported?

    Are you able to talk with any of the nurses about the impact the relationship with your friend is having?
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