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In a great relationship, I suddenly can't have sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I love my partner very much. I left my marriage because I fell in love with him. Sex with him has been the best I've ever had. But suddenly this barrier comes up and I can't make love to him. At other times I can't get enough! This has happened to me before in relationships after a certain time. What is going on?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it a physical thing or a mental thing? Some people do need a bit more variety than others after a while so maybe you need to think about spicing things up? Is it life stresses getting in the way instead? It can be difficult to leave them at the bedroom door but sex is a great de-stresser.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How is anyone of us going to know what's going on in your life? If you don't have you figured out yourself, there is a slim chance anyone else will with absolute no information to work with.

    It's like asking I always liked pickles, suddenly I don't, what's going on? There are a hundred possible answers to that. Either talk to your partner about it and resolve the issue, and if you cannot do it together, maybe see a couple/sex therapist.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi wishingwell, welcome to the boards :wave:

    Well done for posting, it seems like this is something that's really bothering you, so of course you are wondering why! What Strubbles seems to be saying, is that perhaps you can tell us a bit more about yourself, or what your relationship is like? If this has happened before, can you notice a pattern or a feeling that can cause this? And have you spoken to your partner about this?

    Sometimes we have moments where our sex drive is lower then other, and that's perfectly normal. Have a look at our article on low libido and mismatched sex drives.

    Do let us know how you get on :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your responses

    Well, thanks to Miss Riot and Christele anyway. Yes I have talked to my partner about it, and yes I have considered going to a therapist. Have been before - expensive, takes a long time to find the right one - etc etc. Just wondered if anyone out there had had problems with libido fluctuating from very high to suddenly low, that's all. My partner and I are imaginative and open-minded about sex and like to try new things - I dont think that's the problem.
    Actually, was awake for hours thinking about it last night. And came to a conclusion... It's that old bugbear, commitment - or fear of it and what it means - that I think is bringing my barrier up. Was married for 15 years, now divorced, and part of me is really enjoying being free to be and do exactly as I like. I think that's what is bringing the barrier up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey wishingwell :wave:

    It might be worth talking to your GP too - fluctuations in your libido can be down to all sorts of factors both physical and psychological - this previous answer to a similar question might be useful too: http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/askthesiteqandas/generalhealthqandas/dwindlingdesire

    It sounds like this has really been playing on your mind and you're starting to think it could be a commitment thing - it's quite possible to still have freedom and do your own thing and also be in a relationship so perhaps you're worried you might be losing some of your independence? Do you feel like you could talk to your partner about things? I wonder what sort of things do you like to do outside of the relationship - any hobbies or interests?

    I thought I'd also point you to our 'How much sex is normal' article in case you haven't seen it: http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/having-sex/how-much-sex-is-normal-2-3933.html

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're in the UK then there's always the charity relate which offers subsided relationship counselling
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Jo7

    I've had a look at both your links. It was really nice to get your reply. I guess I'm an anxious type anyway and have high expectations of myself. Sometimes it would be nice not to think so much, but then I wouldn't be me. And anyway, if I try to avoid addressing an awkward subject, my body just lets me know in no uncertain terms that something is badly wrong (I don't digest well, feel sick, want to run away, can't bear to be touched...).

    Otherwise, I'm surprisingly normal, honest! :banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Relate - trying that too

    I have had one email consultation with Relate, but even subsidised, it costs nearly £30 a a session..
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