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How to tell a new partner about abuse?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I you've seen my thread in home and law you'll know I've just signed my statement. I'm also undergoing therapy which can make my nightmares worse. I'm not in a relationship yet, but if I found myself someone lovely I'd have to tell them about what's happened but how can I tell them in a way which would be a little easier for to digest a particularly unpalatable issue? I've told people at the wrong times in the past and freaked them out or maybe not told them enough. How do you strike a good balance, and when is a good time to tell them?


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Could you give them an outline, such as saying difficult situations happened when I was younger (or whenever it was) and it has left me feeling.....but I don't want to scare you aware but feel it's best o be honest in a relationship. If there is anything you'd like to ask me. Go ahead.

    Maybe choose a time you are both relaxed and comfortable with one another for a chat x

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Miss_Riot,

    I got with my ex just after I'd opened up to someone about what has happened to me.

    When we were starting to really fall for each other, that's when I told him. I told him what has happened and I said it was a family member, but I didn't tell him his name. So I didn't tell my ex every single detail, just what I thought he needed to know. It wasn't easy at all and our relationship did have a bit of a wobble as he was quite upset but I think it made our relationship stronger.

    It's completely up to you what you decide to tell your partner but personally I would do it before your relationship got really serious.
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    Why would you have to tell them?
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,722 An Original Mixlorian
    The issue surrounding opening up to quickly would be it being far to difficult for the person to handle all at once. It's best to wait a few months in to the relationship, when you both have a bound of trust with each other, and think it's okay to open up. I know from personal experience, if someone told me something unsettling, I would without doubt back-away from the relationship. However, first few dates tend to be the casual ones. It's about taking it at a speed where you both feel comfortable.

    Look after yourself,
    Best wishes,
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Annaarrr!! wrote: »
    Why would you have to tell them?

    Tell me then how you would explain flashbacks when you have sex or why you walk out of the room or demand for things to be changed over on the TV or why you won't watch films with sexual violence?
  • Annaarrr!!Annaarrr!! Noob Posts: 876
    It wasn't a " you shouldn't tell them" it was me asking how it gets in the way of a relationship, which you have now answered
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