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confused ex.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there. I would just like sone advice please. My long term boyfriend dumped me a month ago due to him saying we were having too many problems for him to handle. I handled it gracefully, didn't bombard him with messages, beg and plead etc. I said if that was what he wanted then I accept his decision and wanted him to be happy. Long story short, he moved out yet he is still keeping in contact and im confused why. He refuses to take all of his belongings, occasionally coming round for bits but leaving others saying he will get them another time. He keeps asking me if iv moved on etc and getting annoyed if I tell him its not his business anymore if I have or not. Im so confused because when he comes round to pick up his things, he is so friendly and acts like nothing has happened. He mentions how he will see me soon, gave my boys money for xmas, asks for a coffee etc. It seems to me that he is keeping me close as a back up and incase he decides months down the line that he made a mistake, that I will still be here waiting for him. Or does he still love me and is just taking some breathing space. Im inclined to think its the first but I would like an outsiders opinion please. I think he just wants to know if iv moved on because it will hurt his macho pride if I have. The typical male thing. He doesn't want me yet he doesn't want anyone else to have me. I also personally think he is sleeping with someone else, as they do say....there is no more paranoid person than thebone doing it themselves Thankyou for reading and any advice would be appreciated.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey robz_1109,

    It sounds like your ex is being really unfair.

    Have you tried talking to him about this? If not, I think it's worth a try. Maybe he just wants to stay friends with you, I'm not sure, but it's not fair that he wants to know about whether you're seeing someone else.

    When my ex and I broke up, we cut all contact. I understand that it's different circumstances but I think that's the best option, depending on how you feel. Have you moved on? If he did want to get back together in a few months time, would you want that too?

    The most important person in all of this is you, so you do whatever feels right for You *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there Robz,

    I just wanted to echo butterfly's thoughts here - it sounds like you could do with having a really open and honest conversation with him about what he wants and what you need.

    What do you want right now? Do you need some space away from him? Or is it ok to keep seeing him as long as you know where you stand? Would you want to get back together with him or do you want to move on? Have a think about what you need then suggest that you meet up - maybe for that coffee - and chat about what's next. You could say that you just want to clear some things up with him, as his behaviour at the moment is making you confused. In the conversation, try and stay calm and use I statements like 'I feel confused when you do this' rather than blaming statements like 'You always make me feel confused'. This can help the conversation move smoothly.

    There's some good tips here about communicating - it says it is all about communicating as a couple but lots of the advice can help even if you are not in a relationship with the other person - http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/relationships/how-to-talk-to-your-boyfriendgirlfriend-3508.html.

    Best of luck- let us know how you get on. If you feel you need some more in depth advice from an expert you can always use our confidential relationship support service http://www.thesite.org/ask-a-question/ask-about-relationships.

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with your analysis. Pack all his remaining stuff so he can take all of it when he next comes by. If straight out telling him you prefer not being so much in contact with him is too harsh for your liking, just cancel the times he wants to get into contact. Don't pick up the phone and don't return calls and texts until he gets the message. Personally not a fan of ignoring someone (like a friend or acquaintance), but this is a special case.
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