If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Dealing with anal rape
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Possible trigger warning, obviously.
I've wanted to post this for a while but have been too embarrassed, but it's really starting to become a problem so I thought I kinda have to ask. As some of you know I was anally raped while on holiday in summer, I was abused for much of my younger life but never anally raped before. I've mostly learnt to deal with being vaginally raped/abused, and the flashback sensations that come with it, but this is something new and more difficult to try and cope with.
Here's the embarrassing bit I guess.. when I need to go to the toilet/am going to the toilet I feel utterly disgusting. It feels like being raped again and gives me flashbacks. I'm not sure how to deal with this, it's a daily thing obviously and it's really starting to affect me. I'm also really struggling with being naked at the moment (i.e. in the bath) and I try my best to hide under loads of bubbles but they pop, and I end up having to see my disgusting body. I've been avoiding being intimate with the boy and we've hardly had sex since we've been together, which is a shame because I feel like we're missing out on that bond.
So, any help would be appreciated please
I've wanted to post this for a while but have been too embarrassed, but it's really starting to become a problem so I thought I kinda have to ask. As some of you know I was anally raped while on holiday in summer, I was abused for much of my younger life but never anally raped before. I've mostly learnt to deal with being vaginally raped/abused, and the flashback sensations that come with it, but this is something new and more difficult to try and cope with.
Here's the embarrassing bit I guess.. when I need to go to the toilet/am going to the toilet I feel utterly disgusting. It feels like being raped again and gives me flashbacks. I'm not sure how to deal with this, it's a daily thing obviously and it's really starting to affect me. I'm also really struggling with being naked at the moment (i.e. in the bath) and I try my best to hide under loads of bubbles but they pop, and I end up having to see my disgusting body. I've been avoiding being intimate with the boy and we've hardly had sex since we've been together, which is a shame because I feel like we're missing out on that bond.
So, any help would be appreciated please
0
Comments
I don't think I've very well anyway, I think I'm seeing things but I can't tell. Going to jolly off to bed and hope tomorrow is better.
I can't really help with the other things I'm sorry but I just wanted to remind you of how many people you have helped on the boards and the good things your boyfriend and family must think of you. From what you have said you have been through so much and are an exceptionally strong and brave person. I know it sounds cheesy but at these times I try and think of Churchill "If you're going through Hell, keep going." Try and think of getting through the days rather than putting any expectations/pressures on yourself unless absolutely necessary.
I see things, that's part of my illness. I have mood disorder with psychosis. Today is just a bad day. I'm not in a place where I want to "get past" what happened, I want to be numb. I've tried to force myself into therapy before to speak about it and it just made it 10 times worse, so for now I am going to stay numb. Thanks for the suggestions though. I do write a lot and sing, and play the flute, I have outlets.
Thanks Starry, I'm plodding along. I just feel very on edge today, I think it's because I'm home alone and also my boyfriend is away. I'm working tomorrow which is good because I'll have a focus. Taken my meds, they'll kick in soon and I can sleep which is good
http://www.emdrassociation.org.uk/home/index.htm also lists practitioners if you ever wanted to find one privately in the future. I was offered it through my uni counselling, so whilst it's a while away, if you do end up at uni with a counselling service you could try it there?
How are you with self-help? They've put a suggested self-EMDR type routine here: https://www.myptsd.com/c/threads/a-recipe-for-self-emdr.9458/
Sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I know how hard it is waiting for a CPS decision and the answer being no. You have done the right thing by reporting him so hopefully there will be sufficient evidence.
What strategies did you use to cope last time? Do you have a support network at all?
Massive hugs