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When is enough, enough?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello there,
I'm an 18 year old female from the UK, I've chosen to come here because I am quite frankly at a wits end.
I wouldn't say I obsessively drink, just when I go on nights out I seem to go absolutely wild and I lose all sense of self control and inhibitions which leads me to sleeping with someone new everytime I am drunk, which at the moment is about 2 times a week. I even ended up having a 3 some with 2 boys involved recently. I'm close with all the men in my family and have always had my father around, so why so I behave like this, sleeping around. I never seem to do it sober though, the last time I slept with someone sober was over a year ago, and I can't remember the last time I've ever felt close enough with someone to have sober sex with them since then. Boys are usually only interested in me for one thing, and the ones who actually get to know me get bored of me after a month at the longest. I never sleep with the people I like because I don't want them to use me. I struggled with anxiety when I was in my last relationship and I was bullied when I was younger for my appearance and always lacked self esteem/confidence. However many people have told me that my biggest problem is being too confident. I don't even know which title this comes under, I just need answers, because I feel like I need to stop drinking, because that's what ultimately leads to provocative and uncharacteristic behaviour, I just want to know why I do this, why do I always get drunk and sleep with people? Then act overly confident and drive away people who are interested in me for me? What do I do?

a lost cause.:nervous:


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello farawayorigin, welcome to the boards.

    Really well done for reaching out on here.

    Do you know what triggered you to start going out and drinking more? If so, I think that would be a good place to start, to try and figure out why you do this.

    If you're having sex with people this often have you been getting regular tests done to make sure you don't have any sexually transmitted infections?

    We're here to listen *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    butterfly123, thank you so much for replying.
    I've realised I now have some sort of problem and am not sure where to begin solving it, hence I came here.
    I can't remember when I started drinking more and more I always loved a good night out, however when I split up with my ex, over a year ago, it's now became habit to go out and party every weekend, but it's only just recently that I've slept with more and more people. I never use any form of contraception either and I think I'm scared of the outcome to get checked, this is why I now realise my behaviour is not acceptable, as it could be damaging my health.

    thanks again
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there,

    In addition to the drinking I think a major issue here is the unprotected sex. As Butterfly said you really do need to get STI tests done. They aren't the nicest thing in the world, but it's better to have peace of mind. Also, if you do have an STI, you will be spreading it on to the other people you're having sex with.
    If they aren't willing to use a condom, then in your mind that should be a massive no no!!

    Have you seen a doctor at all about your issues around alcohol? It might be worth a trip to the GP for a blood test to check your bodies still functioning okay, and to discuss support for you. It sounds like you are engaging in very impulsive behavior, relating to feeling quite low. There are better ways to deal with how you're feeling, and I'm sure the doctor could put you in touch with relevant support groups/mental health services in your area.

    You are definitely not a lost cause though, don't worry :heart:
  • Danny!Danny! mod Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Hi farawayorigin_

    It does sound like you're having a really hard time. It's great that you're asking for support here. It sounds like you have more ideas about why you might in certain ways than maybe you think you have. And you're obviously thinking this through, which is a really good start.

    Going to your GP is a good start to getting support for your drinking, and some checks on your health. There's a website called Drink Aware that might be worth looking through too.

    Have you tried various slower drinking tactics like alternating alcoholic with soft drinks, drinking weaker drinks, swapping doubles for singles etc? Or maybe going out with a friend or family member who you can ask to keep a bit of a check on you?

    It might be worth thinking through some ideas as to why you have the urge to sleep with different people when you're drunk. It's normal to have plenty of sexual urges, and to be less inhibited when drunk, but it doesn't like it's making you happy at the moment.

    You say you lacked self esteem and confidence when you were younger, and that can certainly lead to wanting a confidence boost from knowing that different people are sexually attracted to you, even if it's very short-term. But maybe the knowledge that there are obviously lots of people who find you very attractive isn't really settling in for some reason?

    It's also worth thinking about whether the idea of being in a relationship makes you feel uncomfortable (you said you felt anxious in your last relationship). Most of us enjoy the comfort of being with someone, so if that's something you feel you're missing, maybe your finding yourself a quick solution?

    Just suggestions, but hopefully they're helpful :)

    Keep asking for support, we're here.
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