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self harm

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
hi... i wanna know about people who do self harm... why they do that?
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :wave: Mona

    People self-harm for a whole heap of reasons! Often it is a coping mechanism to deal with negative emotions, such as sadness, anger or guilt. Some people may see it as a release, or a way of controlling their lives, while others may find the physical pain easier to deal with then whatever emotional pain they're going through. Some people also hurt themselves because they think they deserve to be punished, or because they feel numb and want to be able to feel something.

    These feelings can be caused by a range of feelings - just because someone self-harms does not necessarily mean they have a mental illness.

    Check out TheSite pages on "What is self-harm?" and "Why do people self-harm?".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For me

    I know personally, I self harm because I cannot deal with my emotions, and upon doing so I feel that I have control over the way I feel in that moment. Even if it's just for a moment, even if it's just feeling pain, I controlled it. It seems silly, even to me, but it's what I think and feel. The emotion that leads me to cutting is sadness. I don't get angry often, so I do not know if that is a factor as well. I guess I use it to cope and deal with how I am feeling, though truthfully (which makes even less sense) it really doesn't help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    self harm

    when did you started self harm???
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank u for ur information... :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tiggertears i wanna talk to u...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Mona,

    Welcome to the site. I think it would be good (and you might get more responses) if you explained a bit more about why you want this information? Are you struggling with self harm yourself, or just trying to understand why someone you know does it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    actually i m a psychology student... and i have chosen self harm topic for my assignment... becoz i knew a girl in my school who used to do self harm... i don't know why she used to do that... this thing was really strange for me... then two three times i also tried to cut my arm with blade in anger just to check that who it feels... but for me it was painful and i was difficult for me to hide that cuts then i never do that again...then in college i saw some girls in a group who were cutting their skins... then i watched some videos of people on internet who were doing self harm... since then i wanted to talk to someone who do self harm becoz i really wanna know why they do that and how they come to this stage... so i just want to take an interview of any person who do self harm... i hope i will get help over here... :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    one thing i want to clear is that i don't want to take interview for my assignment... i can google self harm for my assignment.... i want to talk to the person who self harm just for the personal understanding the situation of the person who started self harm and still doing it.... i don't physically harm myself now... but often i just imagine harming myself and try to feel the pain....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Mona

    It's ok to want to talk to people, but it would be better if you could post questions publicly so we can all help you to understand. You will get a range of responses that way.

    :wave: Welcome to TheSite :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ^ this. Mona it might be could to make a survey on "survey monkey" and then send it to a mod (e.g. **Helen**) and she will give you permission to post it if it doesn't breach any guidelines and then people will fill it out for you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok sweetie here is something you should look at


    StepsTips and WarningsVideo
    1
    Acknowledge the problem. Don't pretend it isn't a problem. Self-injury is very dangerous, and you should try to stop as soon as possible. One danger connected with self-injury is that it tends to become an addictive behavior, a habit that is difficult to break even when you want to stop. It's best to put an end to it as early as possible.


    2
    Identify your methods. What type of self-harm do you inflict?


    Cutting - involves cutting your body with a sharp object, such as earrings, knives, pins, needles, razor blades or even fingernails.
    Picking at skin or re-opening wounds/scabs - is a type of self-harm characterised by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin.
    Hitting - actually using an object to cause bruises.
    Branding – burning your skin with a hot object, like an iron or a cigarette.
    Self-strangulation - choking yourself with a scarf or rope.
    Friction burning – rubbing your skin until burn-like marks appear; usually, an object like a pencil eraser is rubbed harshly on the skin.
    Drinking harmful substances
    Trichotillomania - ripping out one's hair.
    3
    Research and read books about your form of self injury, such as "How to Stop Pulling Out Your Hair" and "Skin Picking".


    4
    Take the necessary precautions to stay safe. If you can't bring yourself to stop just now, at least keep from inflicting irreparable harm upon yourself, no matter how great the temptation to do so:


    Don't share cutting implements with anyone. It's just like sharing needles; you can get all sorts of diseases, like HIV or hepatitis.
    Try to keep cuts shallow.
    Keep first aid supplies on hand and know what to do in the case of emergencies.
    Do only the minimum required to ease your pain. Decide how much you are going to allow yourself to do (how many cuts/burns/bruises), keep within those boundaries, and clean yourself up later.
    5
    Use specific all natural products to help modify your behavior, such as Trich Stop and Pick Stop Oils that help you stroke and soothe rather than pull, pick, cut or cause other harm.


    6
    Know that the fact that you self-injure does not make you a bad person. Some feel that if they can see the pain on the outside, the emotional pain will go away. Others do it as a means of showing others just how much agony they feel. Deliberate self-harm can distract from emotional pain and stop feelings of numbness; it is also way to express things that can't be put into words such as displaying anger or seeking support and help. This behaviour usually indicates a lack of coping skills when overwhelming feelings arise. You're not a bad person; you just never learned positive ways to deal with your feelings.


    7
    Understand that self-harm is often a self-soothing behavior, especially if you do not have other means to calm intense emotions. Self-injury followed by tending to one's own wounds is a way to express self-care and be self-nurturing.


    8
    Find someone to talk to. It's best to find someone you trust and tell them about your struggles with self-injury; if you aren't able to tell them about that, at least tell them that you're struggling with depression, stress, or talk about your feelings. If you have no trusted friend or relative to talk with, consider calling a crisis hotline. Counselors there may be able to provide compassionate help.


    9
    Take stock of how you feel when you self-injure. What kinds of situations trigger the behavior? Do you get the urge to self-harm when you're depressed? Angry? Embarrassed? Self-Conscious? Frustrated? Understanding what triggers your self-injury can help you find other, more positive ways of coping.


    10
    Think of things you can do to manage stressful situations. If arguments are triggering your self-injury, for example, you might try talking to the people around you about more constructive ways to resolve conflicts. If you have stress at school, talk to your teachers or counselors about ways to make it better.


    11
    Vent your feelings on paper. Write about all the things that are bothering you. Then fold up the paper and put it away in a drawer or box. As you do it, try to picture yourself locking up your pain inside with that paper. This is called containment; you are symbolically trapping those thoughts and emotions where they can't bother you. You may be surprised at just how much it can help.


    12
    Distract yourself when you have the urge to self-injure. There are many different strategies you can use before resorting to self-harm. One way to increase the chances of a distraction helping calm the urge to harm is to match what you do to how you are feeling.



    Are you feeling angry or frustrated? Try doing something physical:
    Flatten aluminium cans for recycling.
    Hit a punching bag.
    Break sticks.
    Are you feeling depressed or unhappy? Do something that makes you feel cared for and comforted.
    Light sweet-smelling incense.
    Listen to soothing music.
    Call a friend and just talk.
    Take a hot shower.
    Are you feeling depersonalized and unreal? Do something that causes a sharp physical sensation.
    Squeeze an ice cube. This is especially effective if you burn yourself often, as putting ice on a spot you want to burn gives you a strong painful sensation and leaves a red mark afterwards.
    Bite into a hot pepper or citrus peels, or chew on a piece of ginger root.
    Take a cold shower.
    Do you want to see blood?
    Draw on yourself with a red felt-tip pen, or paint yourself with red tempera paint.
    13
    Put away the implements that you use to hurt yourself. Put those items somewhere out of your immediate reach, somewhere that you have to make an extra effort to go get them. When you are hurting, impulses are strong - having to go out of your way to take action on those impulses will give you time to think and resist them.


    14
    Get help. Cutting or other forms of self-injury allow an already painful cycle to continue. Talk to a counselor, therapist, or doctor. They can help you find ways of coping, and address any depression or other problems that may be contributing to your self-injury. If you go to one source, such as a counselor or therapist, and you feel you are not being helped, leave and find another one. You are not chained to one doctor or counselor. Go to another and another until you find a person you feel a connection with, and feel helped by your interaction.


    There is a type of therapy called DBT, Dialectical behavior therapy, that is specifically for self harm.[1] It can be done in a group setting or one to one with your therapist.


    Video
    Tips
    If you find it easy to stop, this doesn't mean you are bad, or doing it for attention, as some people may accuse you of. It can mean a number of things. For example, a perfectionist may want people to believe that they are 'perfect and normal again', so stop and ignore the problems. It isn't healthy to self harm, but you need to remember that letting all those feelings build up inside again also isn't healthy.
    92 Helpful? 13
    Look up the butterfly project. Whenever you want to self-harm, draw a butterfly on the spot where you were going to injure yourself, and name it after someone extremely close to you. If you injure it, you kill the butterfly and hypothetically the person it's named after. If you let it wash away into the wild to be free, you have made progress. This works well for cutting and/or burning.
    130 Helpful? 26
    Draw a small picture on your calendar every day you are 'clean'. That way instead of seeing all your scars ect. you see all the days you did NOT harm yourself. This is an easy encouragement and motivation.
    41 Helpful? 8
    Remember that it will take quite a bit of time for you to stop hurting yourself. Do not expect a speedy recovery - take it one day at a time.
    80 Helpful? 21
    Take some time to really discover yourself - self-injury is sometimes a way to avoid reality.
    73 Helpful? 21
    Avoid people that will bring you down further. Don't hang out with losers and lowlifes just because it's easy. You know that they're trouble, but you may think that you can't do or don't deserve any better. You can do better, you deserve better -- find people who motivate you!
    85 Helpful? 25
    Try to develop a wide support network. That way, you have more people to turn to, and if one friend or relative is unable to give you the support you need, you can ask someone else.
    50 Helpful? 24
    Add
    ↑ Back to top



    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok tigger stop it!! Read this to help you stop!!



    StepsTips and WarningsVideo
    1
    Acknowledge the problem. Don't pretend it isn't a problem. Self-injury is very dangerous, and you should try to stop as soon as possible. One danger connected with self-injury is that it tends to become an addictive behavior, a habit that is difficult to break even when you want to stop. It's best to put an end to it as early as possible.


    2
    Identify your methods. What type of self-harm do you inflict?


    Cutting - involves cutting your body with a sharp object, such as earrings, knives, pins, needles, razor blades or even fingernails.
    Picking at skin or re-opening wounds/scabs - is a type of self-harm characterised by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin.
    Hitting - actually using an object to cause bruises.
    Branding – burning your skin with a hot object, like an iron or a cigarette.
    Self-strangulation - choking yourself with a scarf or rope.
    Friction burning – rubbing your skin until burn-like marks appear; usually, an object like a pencil eraser is rubbed harshly on the skin.
    Drinking harmful substances
    Trichotillomania - ripping out one's hair.
    3
    Research and read books about your form of self injury, such as "How to Stop Pulling Out Your Hair" and "Skin Picking".


    4
    Take the necessary precautions to stay safe. If you can't bring yourself to stop just now, at least keep from inflicting irreparable harm upon yourself, no matter how great the temptation to do so:


    Don't share cutting implements with anyone. It's just like sharing needles; you can get all sorts of diseases, like HIV or hepatitis.
    Try to keep cuts shallow.
    Keep first aid supplies on hand and know what to do in the case of emergencies.
    Do only the minimum required to ease your pain. Decide how much you are going to allow yourself to do (how many cuts/burns/bruises), keep within those boundaries, and clean yourself up later.
    5
    Use specific all natural products to help modify your behavior, such as Trich Stop and Pick Stop Oils that help you stroke and soothe rather than pull, pick, cut or cause other harm.


    6
    Know that the fact that you self-injure does not make you a bad person. Some feel that if they can see the pain on the outside, the emotional pain will go away. Others do it as a means of showing others just how much agony they feel. Deliberate self-harm can distract from emotional pain and stop feelings of numbness; it is also way to express things that can't be put into words such as displaying anger or seeking support and help. This behaviour usually indicates a lack of coping skills when overwhelming feelings arise. You're not a bad person; you just never learned positive ways to deal with your feelings.


    7
    Understand that self-harm is often a self-soothing behavior, especially if you do not have other means to calm intense emotions. Self-injury followed by tending to one's own wounds is a way to express self-care and be self-nurturing.


    8
    Find someone to talk to. It's best to find someone you trust and tell them about your struggles with self-injury; if you aren't able to tell them about that, at least tell them that you're struggling with depression, stress, or talk about your feelings. If you have no trusted friend or relative to talk with, consider calling a crisis hotline. Counselors there may be able to provide compassionate help.


    9
    Take stock of how you feel when you self-injure. What kinds of situations trigger the behavior? Do you get the urge to self-harm when you're depressed? Angry? Embarrassed? Self-Conscious? Frustrated? Understanding what triggers your self-injury can help you find other, more positive ways of coping.


    10
    Think of things you can do to manage stressful situations. If arguments are triggering your self-injury, for example, you might try talking to the people around you about more constructive ways to resolve conflicts. If you have stress at school, talk to your teachers or counselors about ways to make it better.


    11
    Vent your feelings on paper. Write about all the things that are bothering you. Then fold up the paper and put it away in a drawer or box. As you do it, try to picture yourself locking up your pain inside with that paper. This is called containment; you are symbolically trapping those thoughts and emotions where they can't bother you. You may be surprised at just how much it can help.


    12
    Distract yourself when you have the urge to self-injure. There are many different strategies you can use before resorting to self-harm. One way to increase the chances of a distraction helping calm the urge to harm is to match what you do to how you are feeling.



    Are you feeling angry or frustrated? Try doing something physical:
    Flatten aluminium cans for recycling.
    Hit a punching bag.
    Break sticks.
    Are you feeling depressed or unhappy? Do something that makes you feel cared for and comforted.
    Light sweet-smelling incense.
    Listen to soothing music.
    Call a friend and just talk.
    Take a hot shower.
    Are you feeling depersonalized and unreal? Do something that causes a sharp physical sensation.
    Squeeze an ice cube. This is especially effective if you burn yourself often, as putting ice on a spot you want to burn gives you a strong painful sensation and leaves a red mark afterwards.
    Bite into a hot pepper or citrus peels, or chew on a piece of ginger root.
    Take a cold shower.
    Do you want to see blood?
    Draw on yourself with a red felt-tip pen, or paint yourself with red tempera paint.
    13
    Put away the implements that you use to hurt yourself. Put those items somewhere out of your immediate reach, somewhere that you have to make an extra effort to go get them. When you are hurting, impulses are strong - having to go out of your way to take action on those impulses will give you time to think and resist them.


    14
    Get help. Cutting or other forms of self-injury allow an already painful cycle to continue. Talk to a counselor, therapist, or doctor. They can help you find ways of coping, and address any depression or other problems that may be contributing to your self-injury. If you go to one source, such as a counselor or therapist, and you feel you are not being helped, leave and find another one. You are not chained to one doctor or counselor. Go to another and another until you find a person you feel a connection with, and feel helped by your interaction.


    There is a type of therapy called DBT, Dialectical behavior therapy, that is specifically for self harm.[1] It can be done in a group setting or one to one with your therapist.


    Video
    Tips
    If you find it easy to stop, this doesn't mean you are bad, or doing it for attention, as some people may accuse you of. It can mean a number of things. For example, a perfectionist may want people to believe that they are 'perfect and normal again', so stop and ignore the problems. It isn't healthy to self harm, but you need to remember that letting all those feelings build up inside again also isn't healthy.
    92 Helpful? 13
    Look up the butterfly project. Whenever you want to self-harm, draw a butterfly on the spot where you were going to injure yourself, and name it after someone extremely close to you. If you injure it, you kill the butterfly and hypothetically the person it's named after. If you let it wash away into the wild to be free, you have made progress. This works well for cutting and/or burning.
    130 Helpful? 26
    Draw a small picture on your calendar every day you are 'clean'. That way instead of seeing all your scars ect. you see all the days you did NOT harm yourself. This is an easy encouragement and motivation.
    41 Helpful? 8
    Remember that it will take quite a bit of time for you to stop hurting yourself. Do not expect a speedy recovery - take it one day at a time.
    80 Helpful? 21
    Take some time to really discover yourself - self-injury is sometimes a way to avoid reality.
    73 Helpful? 21
    Avoid people that will bring you down further. Don't hang out with losers and lowlifes just because it's easy. You know that they're trouble, but you may think that you can't do or don't deserve any better. You can do better, you deserve better -- find people who motivate you!
    85 Helpful? 25
    Try to develop a wide support network. That way, you have more people to turn to, and if one friend or relative is unable to give you the support you need, you can ask someone else.
    50 Helpful? 24
    Add
    ↑ Back to top



    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do it as I can't show my emotions and 4 years ago, I figured out this helped me and I've been 'addicted' to it ever since. Sure it's not the best way to cope and I know that but it was a comfort to me when I had/have no-one I can talk to. Family problems, bullying and mental health hasn't helped a lot, as I feel more isolated then ever. But for me, self-harming is my get out of jail free card, it's that peace I get and the numbness I feel.

    Of course I'm trying to stop now, and have taken steps towards that. But we'll always relapse, it's part of recovery.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how to get rid of something that disturb u always? and u start hating urself and u just want to kill urself because of that...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Self harm is often not about suicide ideation, actually, but you're right that it is about trying to cope with deep emotional pain.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but some people think that self harm is about seeking attention of other people....
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,221 The Mix Elder
    mona wrote: »
    but some people think that self harm is about seeking attention of other people....

    Your right some people do think that, but maybe that is about their own understanding of the subject of self harm. And cos there is such a stigma attached to MH and self harm some times people don't have much understanding and may see it as attention seeking when in fact it isn't attention seeking it is a way of somebody coping with feelings and thoughts, yeah it may not be the best way of coping but everybody copes differently.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your right some people do think that, but maybe that is about their own understanding of the subject of self harm. And cos there is such a stigma attached to MH and self harm some times people don't have much understanding and may see it as attention seeking when in fact it isn't attention seeking it is a way of somebody coping with feelings and thoughts, yeah it may not be the best way of coping but everybody copes differently.

    Well put :)
  • *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Lyrical Poster Posts: 5,221 The Mix Elder
    Thank you Picc :)

    Shows that I don't just chat rubbish.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mona wrote: »
    but some people think that self harm is about seeking attention of other people....

    I'd say this could mainly be because some people glamourise it. Like when they had that hashtag on Twitter 'cutforbieber' that was glamourising it, and basically encouraging people to harm themselves.

    People that generally do self-harm, won't get there arms out, or wherever they do it they'll try and cover it up as they don't want anyone to find out, but at the same time they want someone to help them because they've gotten into behaviours where they feel self-harming is the only way they're able to cope.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wanna know how people start self harm? what thoughts come into their mind when they self harm for the first time?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how I started was that I felt I needed to punish myself and release all the pain and pressure I was feeling I got a knife out and cut, the thoughts that were going through my mind was I need to be punished I need to get it all out, this is how it is for me but it could be a total different thing for others....

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how did u bear that pain?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what when I self harmed?

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When I self injured for the first time I was 12 years old. And it was in reaction to being bullied. Now my self injuring has escalated so much I've been inpatient on an acute ward 8 times since 2012. I wish I'd never started. I wish I could go back and just cuddle 12 year old me.

    Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    u started it because of being bullied but why do u do this now ellie? i mean u do self harm for the same reason or u self harm for different reasons? and how did u bear the pain of cutting in such a young age?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yes when u self harmed....
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,718 Part of the furniture
    mona wrote: »
    u started it because of being bullied but why do u do this now ellie? i mean u do self harm for the same reason or u self harm for different reasons? and how did u bear the pain of cutting in such a young age?

    Because bullying is something that holds on to people for many years, and it's difficult to let go, those words we were called when we past the hallways, being constantly told were worthless, and being bought down, how paranoid thinking would come from thinking the girls behind you were laughing at you when they were, in that moment, when you took action, and tried to cope using self harm, it helped, that became a coping strategy. Something that worked, or made you feel better in that moment. Bullying can lead to all sorts, including depression, etc.

    I started with similar reasons to Ellie, people self harm for various reasons, it's never always the same one, TheSite.org have an amazing, informative article you might also want to check out here...http://www.thesite.org/mental-health/self-harm/why-do-people-self-harm-5680.html

    Best wishes,
    Angel
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mona wrote: »
    u started it because of being bullied but why do u do this now ellie? i mean u do self harm for the same reason or u self harm for different reasons? and how did u bear the pain of cutting in such a young age?

    Angels pretty much summed it up for me. I was constantly being told I wasn't good enough, I was worthless. And I believed that, so it didn't matter how much I harmed my body, because it never hurts as much as the things other people did to me. I will always remember the first time I self harmed. The nurses say my self harm is a maladaptive coping strategy.

    Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mona wrote: »
    yes when u self harmed....

    I felt no pain at all and when I did I thought that I deserved the pain

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
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