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What to do..

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi and thanks for reading this.

I am posting here because my issues seem complex and keep recurring.

I know I have a good life overall and had some great experiences but I now feel desperate to transcend an overwhelming and recurring negativity, depression and self-doubt.

I think most of the problem is loneliness. I don't feel I have close friends that have ever been on my wave-length or those I do want to see more of I can't. I can get on well with most people though. I have never had a relationship proper. I find it difficult to manage my anxiety at times which can make this harder. Now most people don't contact me even though I have made efforts on my part.

At the end of July this year I returned from travelling for over a year and have come back to live with my parents, which I have also found very hard. Though financially a necessity and I am very grateful, I find it hard to be here and crave my independence and desire to better myself, which I can't seem to do here. Now I am finding my feet in a new job but I might not even get paid.

I miss the open and green spaces I encountered in my travels and know deep down I can't stand the concrete jungles of town and suburb. I feel like I'm suffocating and my soul is dying. I hate binging on alcohol even though I do it to go out and try to enjoy a night with people. I feel humiliated by my recent drunken events and really poisoned myself to multiple bouts of vomiting.

I prefer to keep fit and healthy. I have started volunteering and also a new form of exercise, which is another social outlet as well. So, I'm trying but still fundamentally unstable and unhappy.

What do I do now?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi TheRunner :wave:

    Welcome to the site, first off please take a look at some of the stickies about being here :thumb:

    How long have you been feeling this way? Is it something you've spoken to anyone about before?

    dp :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, you said that you like volunteering, you could have a look to see if there are any environmental ones, like making and maintaining a 'green space' this could help as you said you liked the green spaces, more than the concrete jungle, also going for out for a night on the piss may be social and may help you to feel 'happier' or 'enjoyment' but as you said it is also humiliating, exercise is fab, what form are you doing? is it a team or group activity? I think for me, to pull myself up I force myself to go out, to crowded places, so I feel insignificant, take a minute to watch everyone go by, focus on individuals, everyone is lonely, its a part of life. Its just finding the someone who can fill a gap, it wont fill the hole completely, because to fill that gap you need to believe in yourself, and be happy with yourself, you say you find it hard, and 'I cant' focus on what you can and enjoy/

    Don't frown because its over, smile because it happened. All those memories of the green space, many wont get to experience that.

    No one will ever be on the same wave length as me. we all think and feel things differently, its what makes us, us.
    Keep trying
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This is more intense nowadays, perhaps as I am getting older and still around my parents and not leading the life I want yet, getting stable job or relationships. Also having come back from an amazing time travelling probably contributed.

    I used to get counselling when I felt similar before travelling, so sought help that way. But I don't like to go on about my problems too much to other family and friends - it never helps anyway, I always realise no one has great advise and I am the best help for myself but always come back to these feelings.

    I do feel like this burden has always been there. Demons I need to control. My whole life has been intermittently punctuated by episodes like this. I get sad when I look back and know that I was never truly care-free. I should be enjoying the best years of my life a lot more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks Flow. I really appreciate that advice! Some good tips there. I do a martial art as the new form of exercise- which is tough to learn at first. I think I prefer solitude most of the time when going for a run though. I think I will look into the environmental volunteering you know.
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