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Relationships and mental health
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys :wave:
So.. Last night during the expert chat on mental health and relationships there were a couple of questions about starting a new relationship and how/when you could adress the issue of your mental health.
Starting a new relationship is sometimes a scary thing anyway but can be a lot more difficult when one or both of you have mental health issues.
In my experience before I got really serious with my ex boyfriend but did trust him enough, I told him about my past and that I had struggled with mental health issues. He was okay with this, just more upset for me. I found that telling him took a lot of pressure off the relationship.
Do any of you guys have any experience with this? Or do you have any suggestions that you may want to share on how starting a new relationship with mental health could be made a bit easier?
So.. Last night during the expert chat on mental health and relationships there were a couple of questions about starting a new relationship and how/when you could adress the issue of your mental health.
Starting a new relationship is sometimes a scary thing anyway but can be a lot more difficult when one or both of you have mental health issues.
In my experience before I got really serious with my ex boyfriend but did trust him enough, I told him about my past and that I had struggled with mental health issues. He was okay with this, just more upset for me. I found that telling him took a lot of pressure off the relationship.
Do any of you guys have any experience with this? Or do you have any suggestions that you may want to share on how starting a new relationship with mental health could be made a bit easier?
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On the other hand I would find it a bit unfair if someone held information like this back too long. Granted, it's your own personal thing and you are not obligated to let them know, but it will most probably influence the relationship and come out sooner or later anyway.
I guess I would prefer to know it when you start to talk about more personal things, but before you start being a proper couple.
I don't have any advice, I tend to avoid people with mental health issues, as shitty as this sounds, even though I frequently question my own sanity.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend manage things really well together and that you can be really open with him which is great
I wonder did he know much about mental health issues before you met him? Was there quite a lot he had to learn?
I agree with what you say about when to tell someone.
I just wondered what is your reason for trying to avoid people with mental health issues? I'm intrigued to know how you would react if you got close with someone and started liking them very much, but then found out a little later than you would hope that they have mental health issues?
I can't answer this for any hypothetical case, it's just whenever I met someone who has "issues" - to put it colloquially - and we got close it ended in a disaster. Looking back at it all my relationships have been disaster, but I've always been with someone with substantial emotional baggage. I just don't have much patience for irrationality anymore and don't want to deal with it on a frequent basis.
Also, I have autism. This continuosly has a negative affect on my mental health and also caused problems in my relationship. I would feel guilty because my ex couldn't 'deal with it' and I'd feel like I was to blame for my ex having to try. I started to hurt myself partly because of this which also didn't help the relationship. I wondered if you guys have any experience with this? Does yours or your partners autism affect the relationship in any way? If so, how?
I don't think that this being sad together has much value. It might feel very intimate and personal for some time, but if it's an ongoing thing I think trying to forge a bond by one party being miserable and the other nurturing will fail. Mostly speaking of opinion and only a bit of experience, but two minus do not make a plus in this case I think.
If you're both struggling then it could be comforting to face the world together, at other times as Melian and Strubbles say, if periods of sadness for example go on for too long then it might not be that positive for either person.
India1222 - do you have any examples of how you and your boyfriend help each other out that you'd like to share? Is it mainly just talking things through and being open or do you have certain things that have developed in terms of how you let each other know what you need or what the other person can do to help at different times?
I'll admit I'm actually scared to start new relationships. I struggle with reading people, understanding their motives.. I find it really tiring trying to tailor my body language and what I say to appear "neurotypical"/wired like most people because I've been told my lack of eye contact and body language makes me come across as uptight, or shifty.
That and I have a bipolar 2 diagnosis, which whilst I'm managing well with medication, I'm afraid the stress of a new relationship will either make me hypomanic or depressed and the fact that I even have a diagnosis may scare people off.
I'm one of those people who likes to live life to the full, but non-professional relationships is something I struggle with and get anxious about and whilst I don't ever get lonely and enjoy my own company, I'll have to take on again at some point, because y'know... Life an' all that.
Hey, just wanted to drop in as this raises an interesting question about 'choosing the right person' as I think it's good to be honest about what you can handle in terms of stress/vulnerability, but also wonder where you stand on patience more generally in terms of a relationship working. Would be good to hear what you think of an article like this - http://students.thecoupleconnection.net/articles/choosing-the-right-partner and from anyone else who happens to be reading and can relate to what StrubbleS is saying