Im ready to end it all ..I Just cant take it anymore.. :( World minus me = :)

I wanna cry so bad right now I swear I’m so tired of getting hurt by people who say they “care about me” Maybe I wasn’t meant to be loved. Even though we weren’t actually together I was really Falling hard for him..i wouldn’t say it was love but there was something there but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I pretty sure the reason nobody really likes me is because I’m fat and ugly I swear I hate myself why couldn’t I be pretty like the other girls Most people think I’m playing or I’m just saying this for attention, but I bet they won’t think that when I’m dead or wind up missing. There was so many times I tried to run away or wanted to end my life but for some strange reason I’m still here… Maybe I should just stop caring about myself cause it seems like everybody else has.. everybody always says your beautiful..love yourself..u have a perfect body that’s all BULLSHIT! Why would somebody want me with all those pretty girls out there? They just saying that to try nd make me feel good about myself.. I would do anything to feel love or to feel beautiful for just one day! I’ve been treated like shit by too many people, I have my guard up at all times, and I’ve built walls because I’m afraid to ever get hurt again. I’m stubborn because if I’m not I get walked all over. I cry easy because I’m emotional and a wreck. I don’t Make sense half the time because I have too many things run through my head at once. I’m not an easy person to understand. It’s a cruel thing you’ll never know all the way I tried. It’s a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I’m falling apart inside. And now you’re gone, it’s like an echo in my head, and I remember every word you said. And you never were, and you never will be mine. For the first time, there’s no mercy in yours eyes. And the cold wind’s hitting my face, and you’re gone, and you’re just walking away… and I’m helpless. did it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I don’t exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that I’m not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am. Everyone sees who I appear to be but only a few know the real me, you only see what I choose to show there’s so much behind my smile you just don’t know. Sometimes I feel like no one cares. Sometimes I feel like no one is there. Sometimes I want to kill myself. Sometimes I think I need some help. Sometimes I feel like I’m alone. Sometimes I’m in an empty zone. Sometimes I feel like I’m not alive. Sometimes I wonder if I’m deprived. Sometimes I think the world should end. Sometimes I think I have no friends. Sometimes I want to make them see that sometimes I wish I wasn’t me… I wish somebody. Anybody.. Could see that all I want is to be LOVED !
I really don’t know how to feel anymore .I really just wanna give up on everything nd just disappear.Nobody knows how I really feel just cause im smiling doesn’t mean everythings . One day ima run away nd never come back..Maybe that day is today.. I feel like I cant live anymore..I feel like no one would care if I was here or not..Maybe we’ll just have to see if they would really care if I was gone.
Like I try to stay positive but it don’t work at all After getting raped time nd time again nd being negelected by my "mom" nd made fun of about my weight nd how i look i think the world would be better with me!:nervous: